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Original poster

DS got very drunk - punishment or not?

185 replies

slyfa · 22/07/2021 21:19

Posting here for traffic

My son is 15. In the past, he's had sips of alcohol but never enough for him to get drunk. Today, he went out with a couple friends and they went to a field. Sons friends said that a few boys about 16/17 that go to their school went up to DS and asked him if he wanted to drink with them, DS said yes and left his friends. When he went back to them they said he was acting drunk which they thought was funny but then he told them he didn't feel well and he threw up, he wouldn't let them have his phone to call me or DH so one of them texted DD. When I got there, he was laying on the grass, drooling and he’d also wet himself and his friends were next to him asking him if he was ok etc. They don't know what he drank as he wouldn't tell them.

When we got home, he went to bed and we've been checking on him. DH thinks that tomorrow, when he's sober we should give him a punishment for getting so drunk, but I'm not sure if we should as surely this would be enough to stop him from getting drunk again (well for a while at least!).

Would you give him a punishment this time or just leave it?

OP posts:
SeeYaBeYa · 22/07/2021 23:15

Yeah get advice about the drooling.

And tbh same as a pp I'm not sure I buy the whole "the big boys did it and ran away" story that's coming from his mates. Why would he leave them, do something stupid and then come back to them?

ByTheSea · 22/07/2021 23:15

I think he's already getting a natural consequence, nothing will hit home to him more than that.

ikeepseeingit · 22/07/2021 23:26

If he doesn't normally drink much I'd be inclined to believe his drink was spiked. He needs a good chat about how dangerous it can be to drink around people he doesn't know, how vulnerable that can (did!!) make him, and a lot of water. I don't think a punishment is necessary, the event was punishment enough. Also, you might want to ask him his version of events tomorrow to gauge if he remembers anything after 1/2 drinks, or if he left his drink at any point, that will be quite telling.

hawkehurstgang · 22/07/2021 23:36

He threw up, wet himself and passed out and you want to punish him MORE? He's a teenager, these things happen. Tomorrow he will be mortified, don't kick him when he's down

hawkehurstgang · 22/07/2021 23:40

Also, I very much doubt his drink was spiked, out drinking with his mates/other kids. It sounds like he drank a spirit when he hasn't before and just wasn't used to it (or drank too much). It's definitely very possible for these effects to come from just alcohol.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/07/2021 23:57

Er, no they don’t. Hmm

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/07/2021 23:58

Whoops missed the quote off

MrsFlinch · 23/07/2021 00:04

My Dd did this at 14, she did get punished though as she was being an absolute shit at the time. (Trouble at school, mixing with the wrong people, smoking, and just being bloody irresponsible with no regard to herself and others!)
She got drunk to rebel against the fact that I said she couldn’t stay at a friends house (that I didn’t know)
Got herself in such a state that the police found her passed out in the town park, her so called mates fucked off and left her as soon as they saw the Police! They then radio’d an ambulance as they couldn’t rouse her and eventually called us when they managed to get our contact details from her fingerprint locked phone!

She was fine, just very very dunk and allowed to come home with us but I was furious that she’d put herself in such a position that anything could’ve happened to her and also for wasting the emergency services time with a knobhead drunk teenager on a Saturday night!

I was furious at the time and came down on her like a ton of bricks. Now if it was just a one off without all the accompanying arsehole behaviour then I probably wouldn’t have punished her, As she had the hangover from hell!
She never touched alcohol again (unsupervised) until she was 17, so definitely learned her lesson.

TheNestedIf · 23/07/2021 00:28

The talk shouldn't be about the drink. He wasn't drunk when he decided to go off with these people. He made a decision to do something irresponsible whilst sober.

That aside, so he's wet his trousers. Disgusting, but so what? Imagine the potential consequences if he had been female. Impress on him the difference in judgement if a female had made the wrong decision about that evening's events.

Twoforthree · 23/07/2021 00:31

Wetting himself is punishment in itself.

Talk about what could have happened if his friends hadn’t been there to rescue him. Education opportunity.

TheNestedIf · 23/07/2021 00:32

For clarity, before I get reported, I want the son to think about the fact that if a female had ended up in that state and something far worse had happened to her, it's deemed to be her that's in the wrong, as per the Ched Evans case.

Derbee · 23/07/2021 00:33

No punishment. A serious talk about the dangers of alcohol. But I’d always want my kids to know they can call me if they’re in a situation that they need help from, without getting a bollocking.

These kids have all had a really tough and strange year, and are likely to make some bad choices when “letting loose”.

No sympathy for his hangover. And to be honest, the embarrassment of wetting himself infront of his mates is a better punishment than anything you could do. Bless him, but that’s really made me chuckle. At least he’s ok, that’s the main thing

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 23/07/2021 07:22

I very much doubt his drink was spiked, out drinking with his mates/other kids

His drink probably wasn't spiked, but he may well have voluntarily tried ketamine or some other pills.

Teens know that parents see drugs as a bigger deal than booze, so will often admit to alcohol but not anything else. However, parents need to get their heads round the fact that, for teenagers, drugs are not seen as more taboo than booze - almost the other way round, in fact. Teens are highly likely to try both.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 23/07/2021 07:23

How's he doing, OP? Hope he's fine apart from just enough of a hangover to put him off doing it again Smile

HerMammy · 23/07/2021 07:24

No punishment, the Fear will be lesson enough.

Rainbowqueeen · 23/07/2021 07:45

Why would older kids who don’t know him suddenly invite him to go off drinking with them. I assume they provided all the alcohol at their own cost???
I would be worried about their motivations, especially as he can or won’t say what he drank. Highly possible they wanted to know what would happen if you mixed alcohol and a particular drug and decided to test it out on a third party.
I agree, it’s not the getting drunk that’s the problem here, it’s the circumstances. Very risky behaviour

rishisboater · 23/07/2021 07:45

I find this a bit suspicious. It's not easy for 16/17 year olds to get hold of booze these days, not to mention the cost of it. So they thought they'd share (copious amounts by the sound of it) their alcohol with an unknown 15 year old? Hmmm

Why did he leave his friends and go off with them?

Was he is danger from the sun?

I don't think a punishment is suitable because he's suffering enough but I do think you need to get to the bottom of exactly what happened and go through some what-if scenarios as he's making some dodgy decisions here

cricketmum84 · 23/07/2021 07:49

I would have a very frank discussion with him about it. But I think the hangover this morning will be punishment enough!

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 23/07/2021 07:53

He wet himself and was drooling- I’d be very concerned he got spiked. How is he this morning?

He needs a stern conversation but wetting himself in front of mates is punishment enough tbh.

nolovelost · 23/07/2021 07:56

I think in this instance, educate not punish.

SilverRoe · 23/07/2021 08:08

God no don’t punish him! He’s young, not used to drinking, it was a heatwave! No he should not have drunk alcohol underage but he had no experience of what would happen and how drunk you can get and how quickly. He’ll feel terrible today and need tlc and serious rehydration. And he will always remember how shit he feels on his first hangover.

It’s normal teen behaviour to experiment and i don’t think he can be blamed for it going so wrong, this heat has been a killer and an inexperienced person like him would have had no real idea of how fast that, unfamiliar people and unfamiliar alcohol can mess you up.

Thank goodness his friends looked out for him.

x2boys · 23/07/2021 08:12

No. I wouldnt punish him, neither would i be making him do chores, poor kid threw up and wet himself in front of his friends i think that is punishment enough
I would have a serious chat about how dangerous alcohol can be.

x2boys · 23/07/2021 08:18

@TheNestedIf

For clarity, before I get reported, I want the son to think about the fact that if a female had ended up in that state and something far worse had happened to her, it's deemed to be her that's in the wrong, as per the Ched Evans case.
Whilst the Ched Evans case was terrible Not everything has to be a moral lesson, hes not female Yes young women can be very vulnerable, but im not sure how or why that fact is relevant here.
TempleofZoom · 23/07/2021 08:20

@dottycat123

I would suggest that he may have taken / been given drugs and I say that as a mental health liaison nurse who works in A&E.
That was my first thought. Jesus Christ can believe the OP is thinking of punishment rather than medical help !
TempleofZoom · 23/07/2021 08:20

Cant

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