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Original poster

DS got very drunk - punishment or not?

185 replies

slyfa · 22/07/2021 21:19

Posting here for traffic

My son is 15. In the past, he's had sips of alcohol but never enough for him to get drunk. Today, he went out with a couple friends and they went to a field. Sons friends said that a few boys about 16/17 that go to their school went up to DS and asked him if he wanted to drink with them, DS said yes and left his friends. When he went back to them they said he was acting drunk which they thought was funny but then he told them he didn't feel well and he threw up, he wouldn't let them have his phone to call me or DH so one of them texted DD. When I got there, he was laying on the grass, drooling and he’d also wet himself and his friends were next to him asking him if he was ok etc. They don't know what he drank as he wouldn't tell them.

When we got home, he went to bed and we've been checking on him. DH thinks that tomorrow, when he's sober we should give him a punishment for getting so drunk, but I'm not sure if we should as surely this would be enough to stop him from getting drunk again (well for a while at least!).

Would you give him a punishment this time or just leave it?

OP posts:
Whiskycav · 22/07/2021 21:33

I would have a chat with him in few days.

He left his mates to sit day drinking with some other kids he hardly knows?. That's a bad idea for many reasons.

But I wouldn't punish him as such.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 22/07/2021 21:33

No I wouldn’t punish him but I would have a really serious talk to him.

I would also make it very clear that he should never be afraid to contact me. I’d be worried he didn’t want you guys contacted. Thank goodness his friends seem the sensible sort.

I’ve made sure DS knows that if he does something stupid or gets in a state he needs to call me.

manyan · 22/07/2021 21:33

I would get him checked at A+E. has he been spiked or does he have alcohol poisoning? Don't just "check" on him

SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2021 21:35

A serious chat and a reminder of how he peed himself in front of his mates etc. Punishment enough

squiddybear · 22/07/2021 21:35

Are you sure he was drunk seems weird that a group of older teens that he didn't know would ply him with that much alcohol (especially as they were underage!)

MazDazzle · 22/07/2021 21:36

He shouldn’t have left his friends. That was a dick move. His friends sound lovely.

You need to have a very careful chat about what happened after he left them. How long was he gone for? Sounds more like drugs than drink to me.

WeAllHaveWings · 22/07/2021 21:37

Ds has been drunk once while out when 15. Don't expect him to definitely have a hangover in the morning, ds was as bright as a button 🙄

He was upset when drunk and didn't like it, we had a chat the next day, he's 17 now and has only drank sensibly since - occasionally 2-3 cans of cider. He has a decent group of friends and they avoid the big groups of older "cool" kids that over indulge.

Wait and see what he has to say for himself tomorrow before deciding on what to do. He might have come to the realisation himself getting pissed and wetting himself Is not something he wants to repeat.

MazDazzle · 22/07/2021 21:39

Also, if you punish him then next time he definitely won’t call for help!

Best to reinforce the idea that you are the person to turn to when he’s in trouble.

My DM had many faults, but I always remember her saying ‘no matter where you are, or what’s happened, phone me and I’ll pick you up.’

TrainspottingWelsh · 22/07/2021 21:40

No, the hangover and shame is enough punishment. When dsd did similar we were very sympathetic with paracetamol, water, toast in bed etc, she still felt, and looked so awful it was enough to put dd off ever trying similar. We just had a chat about all the reasons we'd always advised moderation!

However she did actually call us to pick her up when she realised she was very drunk, in your shoes I'd want to reinforce the idea that no matter what he's done he can always call you. We have always told both dc that we might take the piss the next day if we have to rescue them, but we'd be really disappointed if they chose to put themselves at risk because they didn't feel they could call.

Horehound · 22/07/2021 21:41

I would NOT punish him. It sound alike he got led astray and I think he needs a bit of a conversation with you about the effect of alcohol on the body, why the legal age is 18 and maybe a cheeseburger too :)

FuckingHateRats · 22/07/2021 21:44

His pals sound great - he's lucky. I would think the aftermath is punishment enough, although I'd still want to talk to him about his choices once the dust has settled.

Horehound · 22/07/2021 21:45

Also, I wonder if he wasn't wanting to hand his phone over so his friends could call you was fear of your reactions.

You can't be shouting and punishing as that will make him close up and not tell you anything.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 22/07/2021 21:45

Get him up at his usual time tomorrow. If there are still clothes of his that need washing, or any mess he's made make him sort it (I know you might have had to do this because of the stench but if you haven't, let him do it) . If you need milk etc from the shops, send him.
He will feel like shit but needs to know if he's grown up enough to drink, he's grown up enough to learn that life goes on, no matter how bad the hangover.
The conversation about safe drinking can wait a few days, but needs to be had.

delilahbucket · 22/07/2021 21:47

I would certainly have a conversation, but I think wetting yourself in front of your mates is punishment enough.

AlternativePerspective · 22/07/2021 21:47

I would have a stern talking to Him.

For the people who say that it must have been drugs, his drink spiked etc, he’s 15, is unused to alcohol and it’s hot as hell meaning that he’s likely already partly dehydrated. It actually doesn’t take a huge amount to get drunk in that position.

Where my DS was at school it was common for the y11’s to go to the park on their last day and often the y10’s went and it wasn’t uncommon for someone to get drunk, in fact there was at least one instance where a child was carted off in an ambulance.And this was a well respected school so it’s not a class thing or anything like that.

I would tell him that you need to know what he was drinking. That not telling isn’t ok, and if I were going to be dishing out punishments it would be for that.

Me and my DS have always had an arrangement. If he’s been drinking I need to know what, and how much. That way if he’s ill I will know what I’m dealing with.

Horehound · 22/07/2021 21:50

@RockingMyFiftiesNot this just is ridiculous.
Why would you make a hungover person get up when they really need to sleep it off?
Making them go buy milk etc what a lot of bollocks.

ScrimShawSeaShore · 22/07/2021 21:50

I think punishment risks enforcing him feeling the need to keep quiet and not want to tell anyone if it happens again in the future, and that's the dangerous part. It was good that he returned to his caring friends and that DD also contacted you so that he was looked after. His safety is the most important thing, first and foremost.

EmRata95 · 22/07/2021 21:51

Hmm I'm going against the grain slightly here and saying I do think he needs a punishment, or a very good talking to. My brother almost died choking on his vomit when he passed out drunk aged 15. My sister thankfully was able to save his life. He was in hospital for 3 days after, it was such a horrible, scary time. My brother had drank heavily before a couple of times, my parents didn't do anything as they assumed ' the hangover will be punishment enough '. They were wrong. He needs to understand that peer pressure is not a good enough reason to put his life at risk.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 22/07/2021 21:52

[quote Horehound]@RockingMyFiftiesNot this just is ridiculous.
Why would you make a hungover person get up when they really need to sleep it off?
Making them go buy milk etc what a lot of bollocks.[/quote]
So when he gets pissed and has to go to work, is Mummy going to ring his boss and say sorry, he has a hangover and needs to sleep it off?

SmellyWindows · 22/07/2021 21:53

When I was that age I did something similar (didn’t wet myself!). I’ve never drunk that much again! Never thrown up from drink since, and barely drink now. I definitely learnt my lesson. See how he is tomorrow, hopefully he will be rough enough he will learn his!

waterlego · 22/07/2021 21:54

I could have written this at the weekend as our DD, also 15, did something very similar. She has had an occasional Kopparberg or similar at home with us when we’ve had friends or family round for a BBQ, and at Christmas. This time she drank something much stronger and also, I suspect, had heatstroke which certainly didn’t help. (Was drinking on beach in early afternoon sun 🙄)

DD was extremely remorseful when she sobered up and apologised for what she saw as letting us down. To be fair, she has had a great ‘track record’ so far as a teenager; works hard at school, quite mature etc, so the fact she was sorry and we were able to have a good chat about it all afterwards helped us decide we didn’t need to issue any sort of punishment this time. We talked about choices and pointed out that spirits are particularly strong and she is quite a petite girl, so best to stick with ciders or alcopops, and have a drink at home with us rather than out so we can help her moderate it. It’s a mistake a great many of us have made at some point in our adolescence or young adulthood, and ultimately a good opportunity to learn about one’s limits!

Horehound · 22/07/2021 21:54

@RockingMyFiftiesNot who says he is going to do that?
You've made up a big story on your head and planned it out, when all that is, is fantasy.

Actupfishy · 22/07/2021 21:55

I agree, I’ve been there as a teenager - he’ll wake up hung over and mortified which is enough punishment in itself, I’d talk to him about the dangers of binge drinking and chalk it up to adolescent experimenting.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 21:55

How long was he gone for? I know a PP said he's not used to drinking, it's hot out etc but the fact that he'd wet himself and was drooling would concern me enough to think he'd been spiked

A don't think he needs a punishment as such but you definitely need a harsh conversation about it

Buppers · 22/07/2021 21:59

Been there and done that with teenagers, OP.

I would not be sympathetic if he has a hangover (though he might not: they bounce back incredibly quickly at that age). However, I would have a talk with him about why he made a mistake leaving his friends to go off with these other people.

I would also emphasise that his friends did the right thing when they realised how drunk he was, as it's really important that they have a group of friends who will look out for one another (even if that sometimes means calling a parent).

Also agree with PP who say your son needs to know that you will always retrieve him if he's in a bad situation. Any post-mortem can come later. I have retrieved teenagers from situations. I have been very, very pissed off with them (nobody wants to be dragged out of bed at 3AM in order to drive to collect a teenager), and they have known it, but I have always kept the conversation for later. And they have always known that however pissed off I am, I still have their backs. This is really important.