DS got very drunk - punishment or not?

[slyfa]

Posting here for traffic

My son is 15. In the past, he's had sips of alcohol but never enough for him to get drunk. Today, he went out with a couple friends and they went to a field. Sons friends said that a few boys about 16/17 that go to their school went up to DS and asked him if he wanted to drink with them, DS said yes and left his friends. When he went back to them they said he was acting drunk which they thought was funny but then he told them he didn't feel well and he threw up, he wouldn't let them have his phone to call me or DH so one of them texted DD. When I got there, he was laying on the grass, drooling and he’d also wet himself and his friends were next to him asking him if he was ok etc. They don't know what he drank as he wouldn't tell them.

When we got home, he went to bed and we've been checking on him. DH thinks that tomorrow, when he's sober we should give him a punishment for getting so drunk, but I'm not sure if we should as surely this would be enough to stop him from getting drunk again (well for a while at least!).

Would you give him a punishment this time or just leave it?

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Why would his drink have been spiked?? He's just drunk too much.

Because hypersalivation (drooling) is not a symptom usually associated with alcohol. Peeing yourself can be, of course but, combined with the drooling, it's more suggestive of drugs -either prescribed drugs being misused (lots of teenagers will try any old shit nicked from Granny's bedside table) or synthetic street drugs.

Another one for not punishing. You need to be the person he can call rather than avoid in a situation like this. But I'd call 111 as I'd be concerned about his health. Also I'd be concerned that he'd had alcohol 'in the past' when he's only 15 now!

Close not sure where you buy your drugs but round here they are cheaper than a bottle of vodka and even me as an old teacher knows exactly where to get them from via kids at school.
Also OP I think you are being told a story about them not knowing the older kids at school. One of them will have known one of them - if they existed ...

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

I've literally seen grown men wet themselves and drool through drink. A kid that age not used to drink could get in that state from a relatively small amount especially if it was spirits. Alcohol is a nasty poison. It can easily do this to kids. And why on Earth would these nefarious teens share their drugs if you think they wouldn't share a bottle of vodka?? Drugs are more expensive and harder to get hold of!

People can have highly individual reactions to all drugs, including alcohol. No one is saying that it's impossible that the drooling is just due to alcohol. But, if a teenager was wheeled into Resus, semi-responsive, having wet himself and drooling, alcohol wouldn't be the most obvious diagnosis to rule out.

Having said all that, OP, the chances are that - whatever he has taken- he will be absolutely fine as he has been ok for the last few hours. It's good that you're ringing 111, but he will probably be totally fine and annoyingly chipper tomorrow

@AlwaysLatte

Another one for not punishing. You need to be the person he can call rather than avoid in a situation like this. But I'd call 111 as I'd be concerned about his health. Also I'd be concerned that he'd had alcohol 'in the past' when he's only 15 now!

Plenty of people give their 13/14 year olds a few sips of alcohol! I doubt he's had a crate of beer or anything.

Op, I am not buying the he left his mets ro drink with people he didn't, know then wandered back to his mates later when pissed.

Something doesn't add up. I would want to get to the bottom of it. Before I decided anything.

I think he's probably punished himself enough. I did the same at 15 and didn't get drunk again until I was about 20!

Get him up early and make him go with you to a garden centre, the big supermarket and maybe the car wash. Keep saying you're heading home but then remember other places you "just need to pop into". Don't mention today's antics at all.

I would and do want some answers. Doesn't add up. I would just want to know what he took / drank, if he is ok and who these others were.

Would you be punishing him for drinking? (You have let him drink before).

Or for drinking too much (adults- with experience- find it hard to judge how much is too much).

I'd use this as an opportunity to educate rather than a moment for punishment.

The other -older- guys who set this up should be dealt with.

Yes -do check for drugs and not just drink.

I did this when I was the same age. The shame, plus the worry of my parents (I was taken to hospital but didnt need my stomach pumped, luckily) was enough to ensure I knew alcohol could be dangerous. I wasnt punished although a lot of serious chats were had. I still drank (still do) but never got in that state again. I think how your son will feel in the morning will be lesson enough.

I think he’s lucky he has such good friends who looked out for him. And I’d be concerned that it sounds more like ketamine or similar rather than alcohol? Can you smell alcohol on him?

To answer your question no I wouldn't punish him, he can wash his own puke/ piss stinking clothes though.

I would be concerned that his drinking has been spiked though, it's the drooling that concerns me more than the bladder leak. Keep checking him, and when he's a bit more alert small sips of water.

He'll be feeling miserable tomorrow and I think that and his own washing will be enough. Agree with other about talking to him though.

It's also possible that because of the heat he was drinking alcohol as he was feeling thirsty and some alcoholic drinks really don't taste alcoholic iyswim.

@Dontstepinthecowpat

I think he’s lucky he has such good friends who looked out for him. And I’d be concerned that it sounds more like ketamine or similar rather than alcohol? Can you smell alcohol on him?

Yes, could be ketamine if mixed with something else (including alcohol). By itself, it would have worn off by now.

Punishment as such would be wrong and possibly counter productive. You want him to confide in you and seek help when he gets himself into a mess, not to be afraid to tell you.

The natural consequences of this situation are sufficient- hangover, embarrassment etc.

You definitely need to talk to him (sympathetically) about the dangers of alcohol and accepting drinks from people he doesn't really know.

It’s all part of growing up you learn by your mistakes, I doubt he will want to go through this embarrassing scenario again. I would let it go at this stage.

DS got really drunk and vomited a couple of years ago when he was 14 and hasn't drunk since and DD 14 got ridiculously drunk the other week and vows never to touch the stuff again. I didn't punish either of them but did have a chat about it but could already tell they'd regretted it.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow yes sorry I thought about that as soon as I posted. It was just the immediate presentation of drooling/urinating that made me think of ket.

Also 15 year olds do stupid stuff, including drugs, they don’t have to be spiked. The main thing is that he is ok, recovers quickly. Then I’d be having a serious conversation about the dangers he could have found himself in. I don’t envy you OP, it’s hard to see them make mistakes but we all did and I don’t think a punishment is the way forward in this situation.

Clair Dunphy (Modern Family), made her daughter a blended drink that included all sorts of (edible) ingredients including chili sauce, raw broccoli, blue cheese etc and gave her it to drink after her first escapade.

I'm not suggesting we all live and die by what we see on TV.......but its inspiration.

[quote Dontstepinthecowpat]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow yes sorry I thought about that as soon as I posted. It was just the immediate presentation of drooling/urinating that made me think of ket.

Also 15 year olds do stupid stuff, including drugs, they don’t have to be spiked. The main thing is that he is ok, recovers quickly. Then I’d be having a serious conversation about the dangers he could have found himself in. I don’t envy you OP, it’s hard to see them make mistakes but we all did and I don’t think a punishment is the way forward in this situation.[/quote]
Didn't mean to contradict you - ketamine is a strong contender for the initial symptoms. I just meant he must have had something else too, if he's still seems drunk.

I wouldn't rule out random pills nicked from a relative, either. Lots of teens will experiment with anything. I once had a patient who'd tried to get high on Imodium

I got grounded at 16 for coming home drunk. I was then woken at 8am to go to school, so had to sit there all day with a hangover

I don't think his drink was spiked, this happened to loads of people I knew from school when they got really drunk for the first time.

He will regret it in the morning without being punished.

I think tonight you need to be concentrating on him. Drooling and wetting himself seems a little more than just ‘normal alcohol’

I wouldn't punish unless there is history of him behaving recklessly.

Dd2, generally sensible, came back leglessly drunk from a friend's birthday not long after they were allowed to meet up again. It was her first time and she hated it and has no intention of repeating the experience. A rush of teenage plus post-lockdown blood to the head basically.

She's 16 now, we've just picked her up from a substitute prom party where she probably had about half a bottle of flavoured cider and no more. I think the lesson taught itself.

But of course all kids, and their relationships with parents, are different.

(and obviously dd2 will get drunk again sometime - but hopefully not too soon...)

Jesus! I'd just be really really concerned about him. It really does sound like his drink was spiked. Look after him!