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Original poster

DS got very drunk - punishment or not?

185 replies

slyfa · 22/07/2021 21:19

Posting here for traffic

My son is 15. In the past, he's had sips of alcohol but never enough for him to get drunk. Today, he went out with a couple friends and they went to a field. Sons friends said that a few boys about 16/17 that go to their school went up to DS and asked him if he wanted to drink with them, DS said yes and left his friends. When he went back to them they said he was acting drunk which they thought was funny but then he told them he didn't feel well and he threw up, he wouldn't let them have his phone to call me or DH so one of them texted DD. When I got there, he was laying on the grass, drooling and he’d also wet himself and his friends were next to him asking him if he was ok etc. They don't know what he drank as he wouldn't tell them.

When we got home, he went to bed and we've been checking on him. DH thinks that tomorrow, when he's sober we should give him a punishment for getting so drunk, but I'm not sure if we should as surely this would be enough to stop him from getting drunk again (well for a while at least!).

Would you give him a punishment this time or just leave it?

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/07/2021 22:00

@dottycat123

I would suggest that he may have taken / been given drugs and I say that as a mental health liaison nurse who works in A&E.
A&E doctor here, and I agree. Drooling doesn't suggest alcohol at all. It's quite a worrying symptom, actually, and you should probably ring 111, as well as checking on him regularly.
ragged · 22/07/2021 22:02

What would the punishment be for...

defying you? But you let him have sips before anyway.

Being stupid - do you normally punish him for being stupid?

For his poor choice of friends who helped him get drunk -- but his good choice of friends let you know he needed help.

Inconvenience of collecting him own lathered -- do you normally punish him for things that inconvenience you?

I'd understand punishment if there was actual harm done.

Stern talking to about damage to his immature liver & making himself look like a fool will probably achieve more what you want than any "punishment" for non existent harm he caused. Remind him that he has hopes to achieve good things in his life -- being drunk doesn't help his ambitions to happen.

blahblahblah321 · 22/07/2021 22:06

Recently been in a very similar position, even down to wetting himself. DS is older though, just short of 18.

I didn't over punish, he knew I was upset and I had no sympathy when he was incredibly hung over the next day - to the point we forced him to come out for the family meal that was already booked in! I needed him to learn that getting that drunk doesn't mean the world stops.

He's since been to a few events/parties and hasn't touched a drop. TBH the wetting himself was something he's struggled to get over. I feel for him desperately, but inside hope it's taught him a lesson

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 22:07

Don't talk to him tomorrow, he will be hungover as fuck.
Wait until the alcohol has cleared and then discuss with him about his unsafe behaviour. Thankfully his friends managed to contact his sister- and you- but what if they had just left after he went off? (when you next see his friends, praise them!)
I'd be worried about what exactly these older kids gave him. Was it just alcohol? Was it spiked with drugs?
Reassure your son that whatever happens, whatever stupid thing he has done, he can call you and you will come and get him without judgement.

GoWalkabout · 22/07/2021 22:07

Poor boy has been spiked (with alcohol or drugs) by older boys for their amusement. Be mad at them, keep checking with him if he's OK and if there's anything he can remember about how they persuaded him to drink it. A chat about peer pressure, saying no, not ditching your friends and not taking anything you don't know what it is.

blahblahblah321 · 22/07/2021 22:08

@MazDazzle

Also, if you punish him then next time he definitely won’t call for help!

Best to reinforce the idea that you are the person to turn to when he’s in trouble.

My DM had many faults, but I always remember her saying ‘no matter where you are, or what’s happened, phone me and I’ll pick you up.’

I totally agree with this. I know everyone says you need to be the parent, and not a friend, but I stand by the fact I want my children to feel they can come to me without me biting their heads off. I'd hate them to feel they can't turn to me when they need help
GoWalkabout · 22/07/2021 22:08

And let him know he can always call you and you won't be cross.

gogohm · 22/07/2021 22:09

The massive hangover plus parents laughing at him is punishment enough

SirenSays · 22/07/2021 22:12

I don't like the sound of those symptoms at all. I'd be very tempted to get him checked over by a doctor.
I definitely wouldn't punish him, he was scared to have his friends tell you, don't reinforce that, it could be deadly next time. Sometimes teens need a parent to be more of a friend than a prison warden.

Aria2015 · 22/07/2021 22:13

Similar thing happened to me at that age. It was honestly a lesson in itself, I didn't need punishing on top. In a way I'm glad that it happened because it made me much more wary of drinking. I say let him recover and then have a chat about the dangers. For me, I didn't know the difference between a beer or hard spirits and learning about alcohol content really helped. Still cannot stand the smell of the drink I drunk that day and it's been over 20 years!

HotPenguin · 22/07/2021 22:13

I agree that it sounds likely the other boys spiked his drink for laughs. Why would they invite one younger child to drink with them? I'd also be concerned what he was actually given.

lunar1 · 22/07/2021 22:14

I'd get him checked, something doesn't feel right about the events.

No punishment, discus the dangers and reming your son that no matter what has happened, you will always come get him no matter what.

jayho · 22/07/2021 22:15

Agree with all the concerns raised around spiking.

Sounds to me like the older kids gave him something 'for a laugh' teenagers are arseholes.

OP you need at the very least to stay in the room with him all night.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/07/2021 22:15

@FrogFairy

Is it possible his drink got spiked?
Lol
OliveToboogie · 22/07/2021 22:15

As others have said I would talk to him but no punishment. He is going to be mortified at wetting himself. That is punishment enough. Let him know you are there if he wants to talk.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/07/2021 22:16

Why would his drink have been spiked?? He's just drunk too much.

moofolk · 22/07/2021 22:16

The hangover and a good chat about safety and the danger of being out of control, etc, while he feels like absolute shit sounds like punishment enough.

It sounds like he was goaded by older kids, essentially taken advantage of in that they got him wasted for their own entertainment.

He'll probably feel humiliated and will need support rather than more shamimg

Parky04 · 22/07/2021 22:18

No punishment necessary. My DS was 15 when he got smashed on rum. Was sick everywhere! Hangover was punishment enough. He is now 19 and has never touched rum since. Although he drinks beer I haven't seen him drunk since.

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 22:18

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Why would his drink have been spiked?? He's just drunk too much.
Because loads of people drink too much and don't wet themselves and drool. Because why would older teens want to share alcohol with a (presumably) unknown younger teen? 17 year olds are not known for having loads of booze to share around or for hanging around with 15 year olds they (again presumably) don't know for fun.
FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 22:19

And it's not even necessarily spiked- it sounds like they may have either spiked it with something (even if more alcohol) or just encouraged him to get dangerously drunk for a laugh.
Either way, they are shits.

Original poster
slyfa · 22/07/2021 22:20

I will phone 111 for advice. I have no idea why he left his friends for some boys he doesn't know (his friends didn't even know their name, they just know that they go to their school so I doubt DS knows their name!). I was definitely planning on talking to him but DH wants to punish him even though its his first time and I think a good talking to would be fine this time as well as the embarrassment.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 22/07/2021 22:20

[quote Horehound]@RockingMyFiftiesNot who says he is going to do that?
You've made up a big story on your head and planned it out, when all that is, is fantasy.[/quote]
Whatever.

careermindedwoman · 22/07/2021 22:21

The hangover he'll have tomorrow will be punishment enough. Leave him be, make sure he's safe tonight and cook him a good breakfast in the morning. Ensure he has plenty of water to drink.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/07/2021 22:21

I've literally seen grown men wet themselves and drool through drink.
A kid that age not used to drink could get in that state from a relatively small amount especially if it was spirits.
Alcohol is a nasty poison. It can easily do this to kids. And why on Earth would these nefarious teens share their drugs if you think they wouldn't share a bottle of vodka?? Drugs are more expensive and harder to get hold of!

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 22:23

@slyfa

I will phone 111 for advice. I have no idea why he left his friends for some boys he doesn't know (his friends didn't even know their name, they just know that they go to their school so I doubt DS knows their name!). I was definitely planning on talking to him but DH wants to punish him even though its his first time and I think a good talking to would be fine this time as well as the embarrassment.
Like others have said- punished for what? For being an idiot? We've all done stupid things. It doesn't sound entirely his fault either- why did the older teens ply him with alcohol until he was basically paralytic? They have to take some of the blame, but of course ultimately your son was the one who drank it.

Punish him for being drunk? Great way to make sure he does it away from home, staying at a mates or out all night. Which is what I did because I knew my parents would just lecture and punish. I ended up staying at friends after being out, drinking far more than I would have if my parents had just been reasonable in the first place!