Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

Don't sweat it because I'm all honesty you have dodged a major bullet here.
You are talking about the cunt clique, I think every primary school has at least one cunt clique. There's the Queen bee, the wannabe queen bee and after that there are the minons. And of course, they are ALL MEMBERS OF THE PTA?!?! Always!
Fuck that shit and don't even entertain trying to get to know them- it's rattle snake ranch. And least here you kinda know we're all a bunch of vipers- and proud of it! 😂😂😂

@Octopuscake

The class WhatsApp at my school is so we can help people remember stuff about the school. Own clothes day. Spelling tests. It's a thankless task spotting a mail from school and thinking ooh, I have to put it on the class group, every time. Don't want to leave anyone out so have to keep asking everyone if they're on it. If these mums are the class reps, they will be just trying to get a message out quickly without much finesse.

Let me tell you something else.

I did the gifts for teachers the other day. It involves first sending a message to everyone with a clear request & deadline. Then fielding questions from people who don't understand (How much do I have to give? Can I pay you cash I don't do online banking?) Then keeping track of 30 payments none of whom put their children's correctly spelt names in as references. Then chasing up parents individually, saying 'is the payment of £8.50 from "M. R. Batshit" actually from you, Jenny Schoolmum?' oh yes it is. How was I supposed to know that?

Then as deadline approaches telling everyone they have 3 days, 2 days, 1 day to pay. Emailing bank deets again to those who lost them. Deadline day. Count money carefully, add some considerable amount out of my own pocket as there are 7 teachers and TAs to cover. Choose and buy gifts. Wrap. Cover costs of cards & wrapping paper myself. Print out a nice little thing with all the children's names on. Take photos of it all to show the group I've done it. One dad complains that I should have added "Noah G." to his son's name as Noah P. didn't contribute and he wants the teachers to know it was him. Carefully add a G to the 7 printouts. Seal envelopes. Take all to drop-off.

Oh - realise one teacher had Covid, ensure she gets an e-voucher instead, delivered to her mail on the same day the others get theirs.

After the photos are sent 2 mum's text saying oh, I'll send over my money tonight is that OK? No. You had 4 messages with deadlines, it's done now. "Oh I'm disappointed I wanted little Fifi to be in it..."

The above description was one of the MINOR things I have done for school/PTA this year. It took hours and hours. Some of the other stuff has been literally weeks of work and some parents still complain, with no understanding that we are volunteering.

OP - don't be such a silly cow. People who do voluntary stuff just want you to join the fuck in and make some effort. Nobody has time to carefully invite everyone to the park. Extend yourself a bit, reply in a thoughtful way ("I must have missed this discussion! A whole class party sounds great, happy to bring food for me and kids, and Ive got a big picnic blanket and a bubble blower machine I can bring?") You can turn it around, change that clumsy message to include the rest of the class in a big invite, and spread some joy. You'll feel much better for it.

My God, what a song and dance you've managed to make organising a present sound .

@pheonixrebirth-🤣😂

@GrettaGreen well yes, that was my point! It is a song and dance to get something sorted that doesn't upset people and respects the fact that they've given you their money. I don't mind doing it at all, but let's not pretend that organisation doesn't take time.

Not RTFT but I am 🤣 at the passive aggressive comment about the excitement at the Tesco's finest cheese sarnies!

It was probably accidentally put on wrong chat but so either leave them to it or comment and say ‘great idea see you there’.

One of the things OP seems annoyed about is that her school mum takes on these organisey things but doesn't do them properly, which kind of underlines that they are a minefield.

All I would ask is that people contribute and help with stuff, or don't - but not sit on the side picking fault and getting offended as it makes the whole thing harder.

@bto35

What I felt I should have said is - oh is that what everyone is invited too on the last day ? I didn’t hear about it ? Can we come ! What time … obvious Sarcasm

There are 30 mums on the wattsapp. Nobody has pointed out that actually not everyone was invited . They recently sent out a message to all for a £10 donation to the teachers end of term gift so clearly know how to address us all in a group format …

What would be the benefit of that message?!

If you want to go, reply to say "what a great idea. See you there"

If you don't want to go, ignore it

You sound like hard work. I'd guess either the message was posted to group chat by mistake, OR someone thought the idea has been intended for the whole class

@pheonixrebirth

Don't sweat it because I'm all honesty you have dodged a major bullet here. You are talking about the cunt clique, I think every primary school has at least one cunt clique. There's the Queen bee, the wannabe queen bee and after that there are the minons. And of course, they are ALL MEMBERS OF THE PTA?!?! Always! Fuck that shit and don't even entertain trying to get to know them- it's rattle snake ranch. And least here you kinda know we're all a bunch of vipers- and proud of it! 😂😂😂

I don’t get the hatred for parents joining the PTA. I’m not involved in mine anymore but I used to be. They’re there to help raise money for your school so your kids benefit. I don’t see the problem.

You are talking about the cunt clique, I think every primary school has at least one cunt clique.

Seriously?

Some people who also happen to be on the PTA send a message which goes into the wrong WhatsApp. A message with basically kind intentions which may have gone slightly astray and been thoughtless in where it was directed. And you're calling them "cunts".

TBH with that level of paranoia, pettiness and hostility I wouldn't want you at a school picnic or social event and I am not surprised people don't invite you to stuff.

The paranoia and suspicion on this board directed at women connected with school who dare to have their own friendships and networks is quite disturbing.

It makes me worry about the impact of motherhood on women's social skills. Why are adult women - who presumably made it through school more or less ok -- struggling to cope with making friends so much

So were there more than the golden groups' kids there?? Did other kids go?

If they want to go to the park after school that's their concern. If there was some sort of group event someone surely should have had the balls to check it out.

I would have read that message in a way that there had been offline chat amongst some parents suggesting they all go to the park, and they were following it up. If I’d heard from someone that there was a park plan, I wouldn’t take it upon myself to formally invite everyone else, but I might well ask about arrangements in the group chat.

I think all these accusations about cliqueyness and deliberately excluding people sound a bit paranoid. Most parents I know are very welcoming and inclusive. Yes, some know each other better and do more stuff together, but if you don’t get involved, how will you make friends?

A simple, ‘I hadn’t heard about the park idea, what’s the plan?’ would have made it really easy to go along without all this bad feeling.

There are lots of reasons why these WhatsApp groups are not inclusive, usually related to access to tech / language etc, but there are also useful and can be quite nice and supportive.

Hope your LO had a nice last day anyway!

@Octopuscake

A much nicer way to organise the present is to ask for donations, give a reminder or two, then write a card from ‘year 1 2021’ instead of excluding kids whose parents don’t feel able to / want to give. Make the donations a PayPal pool with anonymous donation amounts so no one feels embarrassed by how much they put in. Much less admin and much more inclusive. Some parents may struggle to put in the mandated minimum donation and so not get involved at all - how nasty is it for their kid to be excluded from a joint gift. Does it really matter if their parents donated or not? The gift is to make the teacher feel good, not the parents.

This sounds so familiar to me. Have you posted about five mums meeting up in the park before? And whether you could take your DC to the park at the same time?

Also, if there are 30 mums on the WA and only five have arranged to meet up at the park, then it’s not really an end of year class picnic, is it? It’s just five mums taking their kids to the park.

I'd agree, @thatonehasalittlecar and that is what I first suggested. Then lots of them said they wanted to get their own gifts so please don't include them, and others were really funny about having their names on it - they wanted to. Some more were stressed because they thought it was compulsory if it was a gift "from year X". I reckon next year we should do it as you say.

and God no, no minimum donation !

I guess we all project our own behaviours but I would have assumed it was an open invitation / preplanned elsewhere and they assumed everyone knew. I would have genuinely responded "sorry I didn't know about the picnic. When was it planned? Is the whole group invited? If so, I'd like to go."

Texts really get misconstrued due to the absence of tone. I would have assumed it was a miscommunication.

This happened recently in my swimming group. An event was planned but it was in person then later followed up on messenger. At one stage one of the women responded privately to the organiser saying she wasn't sure if she was invited. The organiser said of course she was. The organiser told me about it saying the woman was annoyed. I wouldn't have interpreted it like that, I would have taken it as a sincere enquiry "is this for the whole group or just a few of you?"

@bto35

Sorry but name calling me a silly cow ? Kinda shows your immaturity.

Regarding the money request for the teachers she put one group message out with her bank details accepting a transfer only . Then she didn’t bother to actually say thanks / or confirm any payments until parents starting asking .. she choose to purchase a Amazon voucher and a card and she decided to write the names without asking anyone and never bothered to say what day she handed it over 😏 or even a ‘ by the way guys I handed it to ___ this morning they loved it ! Zero feedback so perhaps not as OTT as yourself

This same woman is the woman who posted about the ‘ everyone coming to the Park for the picnic ‘ despite not inviting everyone or telling everyone there was something arranged 🤪🤪🤪

I think it’s just a difference of social manners and organisation skills by the look of it and I’ve come to realise in reality I spend 10 mins a day at the playground to pick up… I don’t need fo be on the wattsapp reading this crap.

We were treated to photos of the selected kids who had been invited to a end of YEAR CLASS picnic tonight so that was nice , They all looked sweaty and exhausted ..

I still stand by it was rude
Like I said maybe they are genuinely lacking some skills there …

I’d bet in those ten minutes you spend exactly zero minutes speaking to people.

@thepeopleversuswork

You are talking about the cunt clique, I think every primary school has at least one cunt clique.

Seriously?

Some people who also happen to be on the PTA send a message which goes into the wrong WhatsApp. A message with basically kind intentions which may have gone slightly astray and been thoughtless in where it was directed. And you're calling them "cunts".

TBH with that level of paranoia, pettiness and hostility I wouldn't want you at a school picnic or social event and I am not surprised people don't invite you to stuff.

The paranoia and suspicion on this board directed at women connected with school who dare to have their own friendships and networks is quite disturbing.

It makes me worry about the impact of motherhood on women's social skills. Why are adult women - who presumably made it through school more or less ok -- struggling to cope with making friends so much

All of this

I think I’d rather sit in the park spooning my own eyes out than talking to people like them anyway so you’ve had a lucky escape. Maybe organise something with the other nicer Mum’s if you’re bothered?

@Octopuscake

I guess some people care more about being seen to be giving than giving…I would probably have a quiet word to anyone like that and explain why I think it’s nicer to keep it inclusive. Maybe they don’t realise - and if they do, I’d enjoy watching them try to justify why it matters more to name check Johnny than to be kind.

IME, most parents at my school are delighted at having the admin removed, so anyone stepping up (we take it in turns) is lavished with praise!

@bto35

Sorry but name calling me a silly cow ? Kinda shows your immaturity.

Regarding the money request for the teachers she put one group message out with her bank details accepting a transfer only . Then she didn’t bother to actually say thanks / or confirm any payments until parents starting asking .. she choose to purchase a Amazon voucher and a card and she decided to write the names without asking anyone and never bothered to say what day she handed it over 😏 or even a ‘ by the way guys I handed it to ___ this morning they loved it ! Zero feedback so perhaps not as OTT as yourself

This same woman is the woman who posted about the ‘ everyone coming to the Park for the picnic ‘ despite not inviting everyone or telling everyone there was something arranged 🤪🤪🤪

I think it’s just a difference of social manners and organisation skills by the look of it and I’ve come to realise in reality I spend 10 mins a day at the playground to pick up… I don’t need fo be on the wattsapp reading this crap.

We were treated to photos of the selected kids who had been invited to a end of YEAR CLASS picnic tonight so that was nice , They all looked sweaty and exhausted ..

I still stand by it was rude
Like I said maybe they are genuinely lacking some skills there …

I'd have had to respond to the photos and say "that looked fun, maybe next time the whole class could be invited"

And they’ll reply and say ‘they were, on the group chat’. Do you find being passive aggressive makes you a lot of friends?

Gosh the drama some folks feel about school meet ups, it’s a mine field of petty angst and drama. If you want to go to thr park just say great, mind if I join, there’s no need for all the hand wringing.