Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

Am so glad I never did school drop off and collect and avoided the school gates drama. Thank goodness for breakfast and after school club!

@bto35

Sorry but name calling me a silly cow ? Kinda shows your immaturity.

Regarding the money request for the teachers she put one group message out with her bank details accepting a transfer only . Then she didn’t bother to actually say thanks / or confirm any payments until parents starting asking .. she choose to purchase a Amazon voucher and a card and she decided to write the names without asking anyone and never bothered to say what day she handed it over 😏 or even a ‘ by the way guys I handed it to ___ this morning they loved it ! Zero feedback so perhaps not as OTT as yourself

This same woman is the woman who posted about the ‘ everyone coming to the Park for the picnic ‘ despite not inviting everyone or telling everyone there was something arranged 🤪🤪🤪

I think it’s just a difference of social manners and organisation skills by the look of it and I’ve come to realise in reality I spend 10 mins a day at the playground to pick up… I don’t need fo be on the wattsapp reading this crap.

We were treated to photos of the selected kids who had been invited to a end of YEAR CLASS picnic tonight so that was nice , They all looked sweaty and exhausted ..

I still stand by it was rude
Like I said maybe they are genuinely lacking some skills there …

You've got the thanks direction completely the wrong way round. The thanks are supposed to go from you to her for organising it. Not from her to you, the money isn't going to her!

I think the best route to avoid all your angst amd handwringing op, is for you to organise everything in future. You organise the teachers present, you organise the group meet up in the park. Remember to thank everyone for handing you the money to spend on the teacher.

It does sound a bit clique but sounds like the oarl mums arranged this at the park. If you dont go to the park they might think you dont want to join in, you dont need an invite to the park!

If there are 30 on the group surely a few not regular parkmums can go along and it wont be awkward.

I'd try to reclaim the WhatsApp group from the clique.

My dcs primary school go to the park after school on the last day of term. It's the kind of thing everyone just knows about. You hear about it chatting with friends at the school gates in the preceding weeks, if you're not at the gates a friend will tell you. If the first you've heard about it is a WhatsApp at the eleventh hour, rather than thinking they're mean for excluding you, have a think about why you hadn't already heard about it. If you want to keep yourself to yourself at the school gates, that's absolutely fine and your choice, but you can't then get upset at not hearing about stuff when you don't talk to anyone!

@DDiva

It does sound a bit clique but sounds like the oarl mums arranged this at the park. If you dont go to the park they might think you dont want to join in, you dont need an invite to the park!

If there are 30 on the group surely a few not regular parkmums can go along and it wont be awkward.

I'd try to reclaim the WhatsApp group from the clique.

The OP started the group chat! Probably.

Let them get on with the petty exclusiveness. I wouldn't personally want to be part of any group like that.

@mabelandivy

Let them get on with the petty exclusiveness. I wouldn't personally want to be part of any group like that.

Jesus... the only petty exclusiveness I have witnessed here is from the OP, who's thrown her toys out of the pram at some incredibly mild breach of etiquette. Having a WhatsApp thread with some local friends is not an affront to other people.

FFS. I seriously wonder how some of you survive day to day interactions with other people if you get so het up about such trivial stuff.

What strikes me is, why would everyone else avoid the park just because a few mums go there. It’s a public park!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4231023-SCHOOL-RUN-feel-invisible
I think this is the thread you mean @Sn0tnose not sure if it's the same op with a different username.

I don't understand this?
I have been in large groups, but maybe only 3 or 4 of us really click and will meet up, I wouldn't want others to be included for certain reasons.
I do think they should have had a separate whatsapp chat though.

What a shame moaning isn't a recognised Olympic event. 🙁

I mean, you'd get points for creativity, innovation within given parameters, intensity ...

It would be cool.

OP either these women are worth being friends with or they're not. If they really are the clique witches you're making them out to be, then are they really the sort of people you want to be friends with? Probably not. I don't think they are though or at the very least need giving the benefit of the doubt before you completely write them off. They probably don't even know you want to go to the park because YOU'VE never made the effort to speak to them or get to know them. Friendship works both ways. You're allowed to talk to them first you know. And how do they know you're available for park visits? I'm not the most forward or confident person, so trust me when I say I understand how hard it can be to start conversations with new people in a group setting. The thing is you did get an invite to the park (or at least the next best thing) and instead of taking the opportunity with both hands you took it as a slight. OP you really need to change how you look at the world if you look for slights you're find them, but at the same time if you look for opportunities you'll find them too.

I wonder if you're projecting a bit too. So you can make the lack of friendship their fault for being evil witches, rather than yours because you lack the confidence to start a conversation.

Also in the nicest possible way these women don't owe you friendship because your kids happen to be in the same class remember it's your dc that is in school not you.

@LadyEv

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4231023-SCHOOL-RUN-feel-invisible I think this is the thread you mean *@Sn0tnose* not sure if it's the same op with a different username.

That’s definitely the same OP, the tone is identical. I knew I’d read before about the secret park everyone knows about.

Could you not have spent the last year following some of the advice you got on that thread @bto35 instead of still being annoyed a year later that they’re not lining up to be pals with someone who doesn’t give them the time of day?

Also in the nicest possible way these women don't owe you friendship because your kids happen to be in the same class remember it's your dc that is in school not you.

This should be pinned to the top of AIBU. In neon, 75 point letters.

They knew exactly what they were doing. Some people are just dicks. It’s not you, it’s them.

@LadyEv

OP either these women are worth being friends with or they're not. If they really are the clique witches you're making them out to be, then are they really the sort of people you want to be friends with? Probably not. I don't think they are though or at the very least need giving the benefit of the doubt before you completely write them off. They probably don't even know you want to go to the park because YOU'VE never made the effort to speak to them or get to know them. Friendship works both ways. You're allowed to talk to them first you know. And how do they know you're available for park visits? I'm not the most forward or confident person, so trust me when I say I understand how hard it can be to start conversations with new people in a group setting. The thing is you did get an invite to the park (or at least the next best thing) and instead of taking the opportunity with both hands you took it as a slight. OP you really need to change how you look at the world if you look for slights you're find them, but at the same time if you look for opportunities you'll find them too.

I wonder if you're projecting a bit too. So you can make the lack of friendship their fault for being evil witches, rather than yours because you lack the confidence to start a conversation.

Also in the nicest possible way these women don't owe you friendship because your kids happen to be in the same class remember it's your dc that is in school not you.

I agree. I don’t get what the issue is with the other 25 mums of the kids making friends with each other if this group of 5 are so utterly nasty

@ConsuelaHammock

They knew exactly what they were doing. Some people are just dicks. It’s not you, it’s them.

No its really not. Its the OP. And posts like this are needlessly fueling this paranoia.

Sounds like it had been talked about in person and now they are reaching out and making it an open invite to everyone. If it were friends of my children then I would pack my picnic and go. People need to stop being so worried about cliques, 95% of the time they are perfectly nice!

Hhmm... depending on your personality/your child's personality I'd either:

Act as if everyone was invited and say I'll bring the crisps etc. They probably won't have the balls to call you out.

Respond to the message to say you can't make it as you have other plans after school that day but would be happy to meet up with anyone at the park/ softplay etc on the weekend. This might help you to identify some other parents to form your own group!

@ConsuelaHammock

They knew exactly what they were doing. Some people are just dicks. It’s not you, it’s them.

Why would they deliberately post about a secret meeting on a group chat?

The fact that you are so emotionally invested in this (which I can relate to) makes me think you need to try and do something to make more mum friends so you are not vulnerable to this sort of thing in future.

If they shared the photos to the group, you were definitely invited (as much as one person can invite another to a public park). You didn’t rsvp and just didn’t go.
You didn’t thank anyone for doing the admin for the group present (if you don’t like how it was done, volunteer to do it yourself next time).
The mean girls thing is likely all in your head. If these women are thinking about you at all, it’s to wonder why you don’t join in.