Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

@Pumperthepumper

no. you replied to the wrong person so I now don't know what your agenda is.

You can't seriously think I would count and then remember how many replies were given to a particular post 4 years ago, do you?🤣🤣
I'm sorry you took "38" literally and that you can't read between the lines.

my point was that these people clearly wanted to chat amongst themselves about themselves so they should've formed a group on their own instead of clogging up the school group chat with unrelated banter.
it was tiresome, insensitive (I know a few people whose feelings got unnecessarily hurt) and annoying because you had to wade through so much crap to find info that was relevant to the whole class.

I hope that's clearer now.

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@Pumperthepumper

no. you replied to the wrong person so I now don't know what your agenda is.

You can't seriously think I would count and then remember how many replies were given to a particular post 4 years ago, do you?🤣🤣
I'm sorry you took "38" literally and that you can't read between the lines.

my point was that these people clearly wanted to chat amongst themselves about themselves so they should've formed a group on their own instead of clogging up the school group chat with unrelated banter.
it was tiresome, insensitive (I know a few people whose feelings got unnecessarily hurt) and annoying because you had to wade through so much crap to find info that was relevant to the whole class.

I hope that's clearer now.[/quote]
Why didn’t they then? Why would they have private, exclusive conversations that were then read by a group of thirty people?

Do you have many friends in real life? Or are they also not delighted when you offer them a second hand school jumper?

@HalzTangz

Quite easily. The OP knows who the 5 women are out of the group of 30 on the whatsapp group. Just go into settings, note down all numbers bar those 5 and set up a new group with the remaining 24 parents

That would be ridiculously petty, pathetic, and childish and if I got an invite to a second whatsapp group because someone didn't like the people who'd set up the first one, I'd be confused and delete it, and think you were a twat.

There is no evidence that the 5 mums have been "excluding all the other parents from their events" or even that they've had "events" other than going to a park that happens to be on their way home every now and again, hardly an event! OP hasn't even ever tried to go to the (freely accessible to all) park herself to be excluded or not. They might have welcomed her with open arms!

We have a what’s app group, it’s not the whole class, it’s about 10/12 of us. Not sure how it started but it’s the people that tend to talk to each other at parties / playground etc.

Sometimes if DC & I are bored, I might post in there, anyone fancy meeting us in the park this aft. It’s an open invite / letting people know we will be there. Other times if I fancy some adult company, I’ll message 2/3 of the mums I get on with particularly well. Two different events and reasonings.

One night the school organised an evening party, about 4/5 mums arranged to go for drinks in that time. That wasn’t an open invite (I wasn’t invited). People have different friends. It is what it is.

It sounds like it was a mistake and they meant to discuss it on another thread. The lack of response from the other parents on the thread makes this likely to be the case.

It isn’t personal, you’re not the only parent and child to have been excluded after all.

I'd have replied "I'll bring a box of wine and some party rings" and then laugh at their back peddling and saying "oh so sorry wrong group" blah blah blah.

But I enjoy making people squirm

@TheSkatesOfCoachBombay

I'd have replied "I'll bring a box of wine and some party rings" and then laugh at their back peddling and saying "oh so sorry wrong group" blah blah blah.

But I enjoy making people squirm

And if they said ‘great! See you there!’ What then?

For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

If you need an invite, it's not a park, it's someone's garden. This is just a group of friends with their kids. Who aren't obliged to invited loads of people they don't know to a park. Make your own friends. Arrange a play date

Stop being victims. Fgs

pumperthepumper then I'd go with my box of wine and party rings, hardly an exhaustive list of items to bring to sit in the park with. I'm not sharing my boxed wine though...

Why would they though? I've wondered this myself, you'd have to ask them

@RedGlassbot

Why would they though? I've wondered this myself, you'd have to ask them

If you can’t think of a reason why they would then isn’t it more likely that they weren’t doing it?

@WorraLiberty

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Why do you find that ironic?

It sounds as though these women give up enough of their free time to help the school/class parents etc, and you expect them to organise an entire class picnic for you as well!

If they offered to wipe your arse, you'd probably complain you had to bring your own toilet paper

This ^

@HalzTangz

Quite easily. The OP knows who the 5 women are out of the group of 30 on the whatsapp group. Just go into settings, note down all numbers bar those 5 and set up a new group with the remaining 24 parents

Absolutely deranged behaviour!

Clearly someone posted on the wrong group and a couple of people replied before noticing it was in the wrong group. But the OP is taking it personally, complete strangers on here that have never met these women are calling them bitches, and you're acting like a character from Mean Girls trying to exclude people from their own class group! No wonder people take about Mumsnet Madness!

So relieved my dcs school don't have and never have had a class wattsapp
Everybody speaks to each other on the playground at pickup, some form a friendship others just stay on a hi and bye style relationship and others become firm friends but we don't have a class wattsapp group. Phew!

I keep my personal stuff off group chat. I mean why would anyone offer people to buy their worn out high-heeled shoes on a class chat? 🤣 cue 38 posts cooing over manky shoes and calling each other "hun"

That's very funny .

This is just a group of friends with their kids. Who aren't obliged to invited loads of people they don't know to a park. Make your own friends. Arrange a play date

This. And this goes for most of these school mum moan threads. If you want a grown-up social life, put the work into it yourself. Make playdates. Join the PTA. Arrange to see the mums for drinks. Whatever floats your boat.

Stop being passive and disgruntled and waiting to trip someone up with some incredibly trivial breach of etiquette.

This. And this goes for most of these school mum moan threads. If you want a grown-up social life, put the work into it yourself. Make playdates. Join the PTA. Arrange to see the mums for drinks. Whatever floats your boat.

Or stop using your child and their school to sort your own social life out.

It appears to cause more problems and resentment than anything and that's not fair on the kids.

School is their territory. If you want friends, make them elsewhere.

The class WhatsApp at my school is so we can help people remember stuff about the school. Own clothes day. Spelling tests. It's a thankless task spotting a mail from school and thinking ooh, I have to put it on the class group, every time. Don't want to leave anyone out so have to keep asking everyone if they're on it. If these mums are the class reps, they will be just trying to get a message out quickly without much finesse.

Let me tell you something else.

I did the gifts for teachers the other day. It involves first sending a message to everyone with a clear request & deadline. Then fielding questions from people who don't understand (How much do I have to give? Can I pay you cash I don't do online banking?) Then keeping track of 30 payments none of whom put their children's correctly spelt names in as references. Then chasing up parents individually, saying 'is the payment of £8.50 from "M. R. Batshit" actually from you, Jenny Schoolmum?' oh yes it is. How was I supposed to know that?

Then as deadline approaches telling everyone they have 3 days, 2 days, 1 day to pay. Emailing bank deets again to those who lost them. Deadline day. Count money carefully, add some considerable amount out of my own pocket as there are 7 teachers and TAs to cover. Choose and buy gifts. Wrap. Cover costs of cards & wrapping paper myself. Print out a nice little thing with all the children's names on. Take photos of it all to show the group I've done it. One dad complains that I should have added "Noah G." to his son's name as Noah P. didn't contribute and he wants the teachers to know it was him. Carefully add a G to the 7 printouts. Seal envelopes. Take all to drop-off.

Oh - realise one teacher had Covid, ensure she gets an e-voucher instead, delivered to her mail on the same day the others get theirs.

After the photos are sent 2 mum's text saying oh, I'll send over my money tonight is that OK? No. You had 4 messages with deadlines, it's done now. "Oh I'm disappointed I wanted little Fifi to be in it..."

The above description was one of the MINOR things I have done for school/PTA this year. It took hours and hours. Some of the other stuff has been literally weeks of work and some parents still complain, with no understanding that we are volunteering.

OP - don't be such a silly cow. People who do voluntary stuff just want you to join the fuck in and make some effort. Nobody has time to carefully invite everyone to the park. Extend yourself a bit, reply in a thoughtful way ("I must have missed this discussion! A whole class party sounds great, happy to bring food for me and kids, and Ive got a big picnic blanket and a bubble blower machine I can bring?") You can turn it around, change that clumsy message to include the rest of the class in a big invite, and spread some joy. You'll feel much better for it.

Also LOLing at "go into settings and you'll see who everyone is" hahaha have you ever collected 60 phone numbers all at once half of ours are random names some are Arabic text some are just numbers 😉

You're over reacting. They posted on the wrong group. Decent thibg would be for one of them to acknowledge that but they dont need to invite anyone to the park and you don't need an invite from them to go seperately

I did this once, posted in the wrong WhatsApp group by accident. Awful moment. Really dropped another mum in it because I mentioned her invitation by name. Our friendship has never quite recovered.

Sorry but name calling me a silly cow ? Kinda shows your immaturity.

Regarding the money request for the teachers she put one group message out with her bank details accepting a transfer only . Then she didn’t bother to actually say thanks / or confirm any payments until parents starting asking .. she choose to purchase a Amazon voucher and a card and she decided to write the names without asking anyone and never bothered to say what day she handed it over 😏 or even a ‘ by the way guys I handed it to ___ this morning they loved it ! Zero feedback so perhaps not as OTT as yourself

This same woman is the woman who posted about the ‘ everyone coming to the Park for the picnic ‘ despite not inviting everyone or telling everyone there was something arranged 🤪🤪🤪

I think it’s just a difference of social manners and organisation skills by the look of it and I’ve come to realise in reality I spend 10 mins a day at the playground to pick up… I don’t need fo be on the wattsapp reading this crap.

We were treated to photos of the selected kids who had been invited to a end of YEAR CLASS picnic tonight so that was nice , They all looked sweaty and exhausted ..

I still stand by it was rude
Like I said maybe they are genuinely lacking some skills there …

You lost my sympathy with the griping about them being PTA fundraisers.

Disclaimers: I never joined the PTA.

The mums that did had fun, yes - but they also gave up a lot of time, put in a lot effort, and for little thanks. And to have the snidey types like you make mean swipes about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Which were the "selected kids invited to an end of year class picnic"? Their 5?? They put pics on the WhatsApp group? If that's the case then I stand by what I said, you are being silly... because clearly it was a class event that you've snubbed!

Also I take your point that the mum did a more low key collection than the one I described. But she's still DOING STUFF. For the class. What do you do for the school, OP?

I am pretty thick skinned and have crashed a number of occasions over the years when I was not specifically invited. Of course no one is going to turn around in front of others and say "you were not invited" because it makes them look mean and bitchy. In that case you can enjoy their discomfort.