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Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
EccentricaGalumbits · 22/07/2021 12:04

My god, if I put one of my teens 'in charge' of the other they'd both howl with laughter. (2 years apart like the OP's.)

Original poster
Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 12:05

I should probably have said that my dh was stabbed in London while he was a university student there. This is where the anxiety comes from particularly for my dh. Thanks to everyone who commented, I had a good laugh, mostly at myself. Dh and I are both on a different page now about this Hmm

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 22/07/2021 12:05

Just give him extra spending money and tell him to have fun. Maybe check where he is staying, as many places won't take groups of under 18's - although assume most in his year will now be over 18.
Chances are he'll be at university next year and will be many hours from home. Its part and parcel of growing up

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 22/07/2021 12:05

I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I think he's old enough and nice of him to ask.

Some of these comparisons are ridiculous. I don’t think there’s many of us that would want our 16 year olds to get married. This thread seems to have just become one about what we were doing as teens and whose experience is most extreme.

Ninkanink · 22/07/2021 12:05

I would definitely let him go. He’s almost a fully fledged man, it’s really important for his development and confidence that he feels as if you believe him to be capable of looking after himself! You do him no favours by babying him, especially if he’s a bit of a young 17. This is a great opportunity.

Your 19 year old can get him if anything drastic happens.

DameAlyson · 22/07/2021 12:06

Also for those surprised that a 17 year old would not be deemed ready for this, please remember they have spent the last 18 months mostly at home with their family and mostly indoors or at least local to home.

But that's all the more reason why they should be getting out there and doing these (very normal teenage) things now, because they need to acquire these skills.

IamnotSethRogan · 22/07/2021 12:08

If I were him and you were in Scotland, I would have gone anyway

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 12:08

How did your 19 year old develop her street smarts, op?

Whaddayahear · 22/07/2021 12:10

I went to Ibiza with friends at 17.

How is your DH going to cope when DS turns 18 and doesn't require permission?

Many teenagers go travelling on their gap year at 18.

OttilieStonelady · 22/07/2021 12:11

When I was 17 I had du autonomy over where I went and when and it did me the world of good

OttilieStonelady · 22/07/2021 12:11

@OttilieStonelady

When I was 17 I had du autonomy over where I went and when and it did me the world of good
*full autonomy
ancientgran · 22/07/2021 12:11

@SupermanWithTheGreyHair

I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I think he's old enough and nice of him to ask.

Some of these comparisons are ridiculous. I don’t think there’s many of us that would want our 16 year olds to get married. This thread seems to have just become one about what we were doing as teens and whose experience is most extreme.

It's about letting kids grow up. He isn't a baby and if you think about it anything that could go wrong in London could go wrong anywhere so if he can't be trusted to goto London for a day his parents maybe need to rethink leaving him at all.
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 12:11

I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I think he's old enough and nice of him to ask.
Well, this is the polar opposite; but in my view, equally sad.

Abraxan · 22/07/2021 12:12

I'm fairly cautious as a parent but id have been happy for Dd to have a day trip to London at 17y and we live much further away.

In a year's time if he heads to university he will be living alone and you won't have any (or much) control over where he is and when.

flipflo · 22/07/2021 12:12

OP, I can definitely see why your DH is a bit paranoid if he was stabbed! In spite of what the press says, London's probably safer than when your DH was here as a student. Definitely let your DS go, but it's worth telling him to keep his phone in his pocket and not meander around holding it or texting, etc - phone snatching is a thing here atm.

MrsToothyBitch · 22/07/2021 12:12

@Toooldforschoolruns

I should probably have said that my dh was stabbed in London while he was a university student there. This is where the anxiety comes from particularly for my dh. Thanks to everyone who commented, I had a good laugh, mostly at myself. Dh and I are both on a different page now about this Hmm
I quite understand this. DP had a damaging experience at uni. Still has PTSD. Refuses to even visit the country in the UK where the uni is.

If a future child of ours wanted to go to that place to visit, I'd be fine with it and would get over it if they chose to study there, despite my worries about the uni after their treatment of DP. He would struggle massively with even a day trip. He wouldn't be able to help it.

It's not that easy sometimes, is it?

ancientgran · 22/07/2021 12:13

@EccentricaGalumbits

My god, if I put one of my teens 'in charge' of the other they'd both howl with laughter. (2 years apart like the OP's.)
If it was my GC (teenage boys 2 years apart) they'd probably kill each other. One going to London, or anywhere else for the day, would improve safety for both of them.
pastafeend · 22/07/2021 12:13

Also for those surprised that a 17 year old would not be deemed ready for this, please remember they have spent the last 18 months mostly at home with their family and mostly indoors or at least local to home.

My 20 year old has been away 3 times in those 18 months (uk)

My 18 year old has had 2 camping trips (also uk)

They have been to several uk cities on days out too - with me, as a family, with friends and DS has done some alone trips too.

Who on earth had not let their teens live Sad

EL8888 · 22/07/2021 12:14

@Taliskerskye yep it’s wall to wall vice and violence in London!!

In reality it’s good for him to start spreading his wings. It’s only for 1 day

ancientgran · 22/07/2021 12:15

@GreyhoundG1rl

I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I think he's old enough and nice of him to ask. Well, this is the polar opposite; but in my view, equally sad.
It really wasn't. I had a great time.
SunnySideDownBriefly · 22/07/2021 12:15

Let him do it!

Think of the biggest risks: missing train back, losing money, losing phone...losing friends...then think of some solutions to talk him through. Training is what is needed!

Give him a back-up cash card for an emergency (Monzo - set up instantly and transfer money instantly) - he can have it as a card in his pocket or digitally on his phone. Don't load it up now...wait and see if you get that distress call from him. Does he know your contact number in case he loses his phone? If he misses the train then presumably he'll miss the train with his mates and they'll all be in the same boat.

theliverpoolone · 22/07/2021 12:15

could wander onto gang turf Hmm

They could be planning to visit all the tourist attractions, it's very unlikely they're going to end up in one of the outlying boroughs! My (young) 13yr old managed a day in Camden Market recently, which is rife with pickpockets and drugs - I worried a bit, but they won't learn if they don't get out there.

Outbutnotoutout · 22/07/2021 12:16

I had left home, had a baby and got married before I was 17.

Ok not my smartest moves, but makes a trip to London a walk in the park.

CouldBeOuting · 22/07/2021 12:16

I don’t see a problem with it. My DD went camping in Scotland at 16 and DH and I stayed home in SE London…. We couldn’t have got to her in the event if an emergency but emergency services exist for a reason…..

CatherineAragon · 22/07/2021 12:17

I left home at 17 . You are being ridiculous.