Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
Reallyreallyborednow · 22/07/2021 11:45

two things. Is if fair to put a 19 yo brother in charge of a 17 yo? I mean what is he going to do if 17 yo says "bro I am out of here"

The 19 year old is female from the o/p.

I strongly suspect the o/p might subscribe to the school of thought that girls are responsible, caring and will cook and clean for her useless, helpless labrador of a brother…

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 11:47

She's now 17 and a old hand at using the tube.
To be fair, the tube really isn't that difficult to navigate. London school children manage it from a very young age.
If any of these unknown terrors at days out in London concern tube travel, you all need to relax.

Kralia · 22/07/2021 11:47

"I remember my DD passing her driving test and 6 months later driving to Brighton to a concert ... one of her friends parents refused to let her be driven “by a new driver” "

I'm the least controlling parent ever, but this on the other hand seems eminently sensible. Young new driver, with friends, to a concert? No fucking way. A colleague of mine had a 17yo who did exactly this. Only one of the 5 17yos in the car made it home alive. I remember going in cars with friends at that age and still shudder at the (multiple) near misses we had.

lockdownstones · 22/07/2021 11:47

I think it depends on how often he has been to London over the years. I grew up about 45 mins from London and went regularly from young age with family so knew my way around and the public transport etc.
If he is familiar with practicalities like this already, then he should be OK on his own.

Also for those surprised that a 17 year old would not be deemed ready for this, please remember they have spent the last 18 months mostly at home with their family and mostly indoors or at least local to home. So currently a 17 year old would not have been under restrictions, including total lockdown, since the age of 15, a period of 18 months during which a normal 15 -17 year old would have matured a lot more than the current generation this age have been able to do. It is not their fault if they are a bit less mature, a bit younger emotionally and socially, and a bit less savvy than you or your older children were at 17. This age group has been very badly impacted in development (and education) by the pandemic restrictions.

Donotgogentle · 22/07/2021 11:48

One other thought - I live in London and I think there is an issue with people (not only tourists) getting their bags nicked in cafes/bars/train stations. Mine was stolen from between my feet once whilst I was talking to a waiter. Also at Euston and on Upper Street Confused.

So maybe warn him to keep his bag where he can clearly see it/on his lap. Otherwise I would honestly not see any particular risks.

WhyOhWine · 22/07/2021 11:49

I think this is completely fine. My 17 yo DD is currently in the Isle of Wight for a week with friends (they were meant to be going to Italy but could not go due to covid situation). Got themselves there by train/ferry/bus. We do live in London and her and her friends happily travel all round London and have done so for a few years, as well as the odd day trip outside London (e.g. Brighton, Thorpe Park). Same with younger DD (16) who is off to Reading Festival next month as well as a few days in Cornwall.

Are you not planning to let him go to university open days with friends (assuming there are some)? Or is it just London that is the problem?

lockdownstones · 22/07/2021 11:49

correction
*So currently a 17 year old would not have been under restrictions, including total lockdown, since the age of 15,

Rosalie21 · 22/07/2021 11:50

Just let him go, 17 is old enough to let him go somewhere for the day, don’t be harsh.

Crunchymum · 22/07/2021 11:51

Are you coming back @Toooldforschoolruns?

What are your main concerns / reservations?

Who would he be going with? What do they have planned?

Has he been before?

Travielkapelka · 22/07/2021 11:51

Yes, completely irrational on my part, I’d worry that as a young man, he’d be in danger of things like mistaken identity and wandering into gang turf and other stupid shit like that. I’d let my 17 year old go, after a talk on being “covid safe” but I’d be worrying.

The chances of him wandering into gang turf is so miminal that it's not even worth considering. He's not going to be suspected of being anyone and will be surrounded by thousands of other teens wandering around. I have lived in london my entire life, my kids are out there all the time. Despite popular belief there really aren't gun toting knife carrying gangs on the streets of covent garden and in the milkshake bar in selfridges

WhyOhWine · 22/07/2021 11:51

Admittedly, in your situation i would be more worried about them having a party and the house getting wrecked.

Thewholeshackshimmy · 22/07/2021 11:52

Does your ds ever go to your local town for the day on his own? Going to London’s isn’t much different, just bigger. He will be find and totally enjoy himself.
I used to go to London every weekend from the age of 16/17, loved it.
My 15 year old son is currently on a building site doing some work experience, bit more dangerous than a day trip to our capital. Yes I am a anxious about it but he will leave school in 8 months time and I’ve got to let him grow and experience life for himself, however much I worry for him. I can’t hold him back because of my fears (I’ll just have a quite wobble whilst I’m in my own).

reader12 · 22/07/2021 11:52

He’ll be fine. I grew up in London and went on days out bus hopping with friends from the age of 14. My 11 year old is currently obsessed with the SAS survival guide and SAS security guide - maybe get him something like that to read if he’s that clueless. But he’ll be fine.

gogohm · 22/07/2021 11:53

At 17? I was going with friends from 14 admittedly this was the 1980's

godmum56 · 22/07/2021 11:54

@Reallyreallyborednow

two things. Is if fair to put a 19 yo brother in charge of a 17 yo? I mean what is he going to do if 17 yo says "bro I am out of here"

The 19 year old is female from the o/p.

I strongly suspect the o/p might subscribe to the school of thought that girls are responsible, caring and will cook and clean for her useless, helpless labrador of a brother…

oops sorry about the gender error but it makes no difference to my comment
m0therofdragons · 22/07/2021 11:55

My next door neighbours left their 17 and 19 year old home and they had a 48 hour party. I think a trip to London would be safer - what’s he doing there and who is he with?

Having been to London myself, there’s no tourists so it’s quite quiet. Stay away from Parliament square (lots of protests) but otherwise it’s pretty safe imo.

chipsarnie · 22/07/2021 11:55

I say let him go for it.

I first visited London independently when I was 16 - on a coach trip from West Yorkshire with a group of college mates. We had the time of our lives. That was in 1986 - way before anyone had a mobile phone to summon mum or dad if they ran into a problem.

London is in no way a dangerous city - especially in the busy central, touristy zones where any 17 year old is likely to visit. The biggest danger that any visitor (or indeed resident) is likely to encounter is pickpocketing, bag theft or phone snatching.

I live in East London. It's very common to see teenagers and older pre-teens out and about on their own. As with anywhere you need to be aware of what's going on and trust your instincts.

Source: Me. A 30-year resident of this great city.

AlternativePerspective · 22/07/2021 11:56

Anything could happen. oh yes, it could. He could have a good time. He could enjoy himself, he could in fact get lost and have fun finding his way again and the places he otherwise wouldn’t have seen.

Anything could happen, after all.

Seriously for the people who think that London is this awful scary place, we’re not talking about him going to Kabul for a day out.

If anything things like drugs are actually far more prevalent in smaller towns. Dawlish in Devon for instance has a massive drug problem, as do many of the smaller towns in Cornwall, and Newquay, although bigger also has a massive drug problem. But we don’t forbid kids from going there do we?

ancientgran · 22/07/2021 11:58

I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I think he's old enough and nice of him to ask.

eurochick · 22/07/2021 11:58

This thread is bizarre! I was doing this from 12. The worst that happened is we got lost a few days (this was long before smart phones).

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 22/07/2021 12:01

Wow, that's a bit mental. I grew up about an hour from London and wasn't especially street smart either but was perfectly capable of going into London long before 17 and before smart phones or anything.

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 12:02

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house?

I'd be asking this regardless of where the trip is

We know. Your covid obsession is infamous.

AddressLabel · 22/07/2021 12:02

@Travielkapelka

Yes, completely irrational on my part, I’d worry that as a young man, he’d be in danger of things like mistaken identity and wandering into gang turf and other stupid shit like that. I’d let my 17 year old go, after a talk on being “covid safe” but I’d be worrying.

The chances of him wandering into gang turf is so miminal that it's not even worth considering. He's not going to be suspected of being anyone and will be surrounded by thousands of other teens wandering around. I have lived in london my entire life, my kids are out there all the time. Despite popular belief there really aren't gun toting knife carrying gangs on the streets of covent garden and in the milkshake bar in selfridges

Rationally I know that and I’ve been to London several times myself and it had been absolutely lovely. There’s something about being a parent though that can make some people irrational about their childrens safety. I think “no you can’t do that it’s dangerous!” Only to realise I’m a hypocrite and had or have no qualms to do such things myself! Smile
Malin52 · 22/07/2021 12:03

If he's a 'young 17' and not very street smart then he needs to buck his ideas up. That translates to being unemployable, with no common sense and certainly not relationship material.

Getting into a few scrapes will be the making of him. Although he's not going to find it in Central London for a day. It's the bloody safest place there is.

Let him go then give him a kick up the arse.

strawberrydonuts · 22/07/2021 12:04

At 17 he's practically an adult. What do you think will have changed in a few months time when he's 18 and legally an adult?

I know it's hard but you need to loosen up a bit and let him experience some independence. If he has a mobile phone and is with friends then very little is going to happen that would be any different regardless of whether or not you're with him.