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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

390 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 10:30

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:
pixietinsle5 · 22/07/2021 12:45

My daughter is 13 months and I still couldn't leave her for a weekend! I can manage a few hours away from her but I just miss her so much!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/07/2021 12:46

I left dd2 with my parents at 6 weeks to go to a wedding. I wouldn't bat an eyelid!

Cherrysummer · 22/07/2021 12:47

So many typos in the above, being angry affects my ability to type coherently, clearly Grin

MisterMeaner · 22/07/2021 12:47

There's no reason why you shouldn't leave your baby with it's Dad for the weekend in theory. It won't traumatise the baby in any meaningful sense - they won't remember it and a one-off event like that won't shape their personality forever. It doesn't make you a monster.

BUT I distinctly remember leaving mine for two hours at that age, to go to a dreadful MLM evening at the house of one of my local friends, and I hated it. I couldn't wait to get back to the baby. I think there is something in your brain that switches on when the baby is born, and it feels very difficult to leave them, even though you know rationally that they will be OK.

Rainbowshit · 22/07/2021 12:48

Baby won't be traumatised but there's no way I could have left either of my kids for the weekend when they were 8 weeks old. Practically as I ebf but also emotionally.

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 12:48

I clearly don’t have the maternal instincts then because I’ve never been bothered about leaving my first baby and we’ve always had an incredible bond. She’s 7 now.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 22/07/2021 12:49

Just to echo - this might be something which is fine, but it might be that you really don't feel able to do it.

I would make plans on a very contingent basis only!

It can be hard to imagine the way you might feel about your baby.

user1478172746 · 22/07/2021 12:50

Sad that a lot of people see children more as objects before they learn to talk. No they are little human (primate) babies and attach to their mother, knows her smell, voice, body warmth, heartbeats. To be separated from mother means stress to small baby. Sometimes babies express stress as shutdown - deep sleep. But they are not verbal, so don't care? Crazy concept to me. Father is a social role, baby will build these relationships gradually over months, but at the beguinning - no, both parents are not equal. I am not judging OP as much as those posters that peddle the harmful myth that babies don't care. Baby will feel stress when separated from mother, but of course this one stressful incident won't ruin their life.

thesugarbumfairy · 22/07/2021 12:51

Its not a terrible thing to do. The baby has two parents. You aren't a first time mother so you know the score.
I had a hen weekend (abroad) booked when my son was this age. I couldn't go. He was too attached to me, I was breastfeeding and he wouldn't take a bottle at that point, and DH was pretty useless and I didn't trust him to cope. It just didn't happen.
In this situation, you are literally just down the road. You aren't breastfeeding. Your DH is looking forward to it.
Babies are different. Parents are different. Its not disgusting at all.

JimHairy · 22/07/2021 12:52

You won’t k ow how you’ll feel until the baby arrives and you get closer to the date. At 8 weeks PP I was still healing and wouldn’t have been able to stay awake for a hen do. I would have also missed the baby terribly.

My baby is now 17 weeks and I left him for one evening out last week. I enjoyed it but by 10pm I was desperate to get back to him even though I knew he was totally fine!

If your friend is a good one, just say you will let her know closer to the date. If there’s any deposits or anything though I’d probably bow out.

Spanielstail · 22/07/2021 12:54

Traumatized is such a misused word and winds me up. Trauma is a serious psychological state.

However, you may well disrupt bonding as the primary caregiver leaving a baby that early on. I wouldn't be going off partying so soon after having a baby.

Freecuthbert · 22/07/2021 12:58

OP don't worry about those saying it's bad. Yeah, you might feel differently at the time, you might not. But if you feel happy with going when it comes to the time, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The baby has two parents and they will absolutely still remember you and they will be fine. I was separated from my baby when I had to go into hospital when she was 6 weeks old and it never made a difference to her, it was as if I had never left. And it's not like you're going abroad or hours away, you can pop back home if you need to.

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 13:04

I’ve only read your posts @SheABitSpicyToday but I’m pretty sure the thread’s full of scandalised posts.

You’ve done this before with your first and guess what? The sky didn’t fall in. You’re happy with it, your baby’s other parent is actively looking forward to it so fuck what anyone else thinks. Go, have a good time and ignore what anyone with no skin in the game says.

Holly60 · 22/07/2021 13:09

Am I right in thinking you’ve not had the baby yet? Wait until it’s here and make the decision then …

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 13:13

I have a feeling you will not want to when the time comes. I don't think it is disgusting to leave a young baby with dad and it's great that he wants that but neither of you can predict how you will feel when your child is eight weeks old. Some babies are very difficult to settle or have colic or something, need to be close to their mother.

At eight weeks many mothers don't feel up to going away, they are exhausted. Others are fine. At the moment you don't know but you say you are likely to be induced and that is traumatic in itself for most people. Let's hope it isn't necessary and all is straightforward.

It's good that the venue is only 20minutes away. You do not say if you would have to be away one night or two. I would opt for one and leave early but that's me.

I hope all goes well with your baby's birth and that you are both in tip top shape afterwards. Congratulations.

Millionnewnames · 22/07/2021 13:15

Some of these comments literally make me laugh. I had my first child 20 years ago. I buggered off to Ibiza when she was 12 weeks old. She’s perfectly happy and has her own home at 20. Youngest was a surprise and unplanned , so while he is very loved I went back to work ( from home ) 3 days after the little monster was evicted by section as I didn’t want to lose momentum with my career and his father could bloody well do his share as far as I was concerned. When he was 3 weeks old I had a very jolly night out with an old friend. Those of us who choose to make parenting easy on ourselves do manage to get on with life . I was lucky , mine guzzled ounces and slept like bricks though. One never even had wind or puked. You know your DH . If he can cope , go to the hen, have a brilliant weekend . You’ll be bored stiff of making up feeds and wiping a tiny arse by then and it will do you good. Newborns are boring as hell and just sleep in bouncers all day . Do yourself a favour and escape .

glittereyelash · 22/07/2021 13:17

If your comfortable to go then do so. Only you can know what's best for you and baby. A lot depends on what kind of birth you have and what temperament baby has. Hope it works out and you get to go ❤️

ViceLikeBlip · 22/07/2021 13:25

Leaving a baby for the weekend by itself with a multipack of crisps and the Netflix password? Unreasonable.

Leaving a baby for the weekend with a responsible adult? Not unreasonable.

Starbonnet123 · 22/07/2021 13:26

I think your sister is very unfair , your husband is a parent too and very capable of looking after his own child .
If you want to go to the wedding then go it's your choice .
My daughter had to go away and leave baby with me when my granddaughter was 8 weeks old , she's 3 1/2 now with no lasting effects of her "abandonment " lol .
Have a lovely time and by 8 weeks you may want a night off to sleep anyway .

Horehound · 22/07/2021 13:29

I wouldn't personally because I feel a baby only wants to be with its mother when it is so young.
And you may also not want to be parted! So o wouldn't commit to a hen do.

NewYearNewTwatName · 22/07/2021 13:29

SheABitSpicyToday Ahhh your second, well you know what it's like already, so just go for it.

Plus I don't think its anything to do with maternal instinct, more the hormones that are realised around the time of the birth.
I'm really not a maternal person, and would have loved weekend away from it all, but I just couldn't. The feeling wore off quicker with dc2 aswell.

BigPyjamas · 22/07/2021 13:31

The thing with parenting is that you need do what works for you and whatever you do someone will also judge and do the opposite. So don't worry about what other people think is best, do what you think is best.

I'd have left my 8 week old, in fact I did at 8 weeks for a night, and again at 10 weeks. I was breast feeding but she took a bottle when I was away and I expressed. We didn't have any issues at all.

Do what works best for you and for your family, and if you go I hope you have an amazing time.

Horehound · 22/07/2021 13:31

@SheABitSpicyToday

I clearly don’t have the maternal instincts then because I’ve never been bothered about leaving my first baby and we’ve always had an incredible bond. She’s 7 now.
Haha I love the fact you're trying to do a "well I already have one so there" but you were the one coming on to ask for advice.

Clearly you aren't as maternal as other folk are, not that there is anything wrong with that. But yeh, I wouldn't want to be without my little baby for a weekend and I'm sure they'd prefer you to be around too. But I'm sure you'll have fun at the hen do..

LAR96 · 22/07/2021 13:34

I have a hen party and I am maid of honour 5 months after I give birth for a weekend and I wont even be going then. Its an hour drive for 2 nights, Its my first pregnancy but I know I wouldn't be able to leave her after 5 months being that far away for 2 nights.

Fernando072020 · 22/07/2021 13:38

Traumatic is an exaggeration but I couldn't have left my son at that age. I was breastfeeding and he was never out of my arms. He napped with his dad until around 8 weeks then point blanked refused unless he was with me and just screamed.
Basically, you're not really going to know if you can until your baby is here. If you have an easy baby that just sleeps all the time, and you're not breastfeeding, it'll be fine. Clingy baby to you and breastfeeding? Not a chance

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