Page 10 | To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

SheABitSpicyToday · 2021-07-22T09:30:06+00:00

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi. Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

JimHairy · 22/07/2021 13:42

@Millionnewnames

Some of these comments literally make me laugh. I had my first child 20 years ago. I buggered off to Ibiza when she was 12 weeks old. She’s perfectly happy and has her own home at 20. Youngest was a surprise and unplanned , so while he is very loved I went back to work ( from home ) 3 days after the little monster was evicted by section as I didn’t want to lose momentum with my career and his father could bloody well do his share as far as I was concerned. When he was 3 weeks old I had a very jolly night out with an old friend. Those of us who choose to make parenting easy on ourselves do manage to get on with life . I was lucky , mine guzzled ounces and slept like bricks though. One never even had wind or puked. You know your DH . If he can cope , go to the hen, have a brilliant weekend . You’ll be bored stiff of making up feeds and wiping a tiny arse by then and it will do you good. Newborns are boring as hell and just sleep in bouncers all day . Do yourself a favour and escape .

‘Newborns just sleep in bouncers all day’ - I’m all for making life easy for yourself but this simply isn’t true, or at least shouldnt be.

I’m all for getting on with things IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE, but suggesting wanting to spend time with your baby somehow isn’t normal or is ‘making life hard’ is just silly.

You might have been sending your kids down the job centre at 8 weeks old but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are any less ‘getting on with life’

Jesus.

SnakeyTakey · 22/07/2021 13:43

Clearly you aren't as maternal as other folk are, not that there is anything wrong with that. But yeh, I wouldn't want to be without my little baby for a weekend and I'm sure they'd prefer you to be around too. But I'm sure you'll have fun at the hen do.

It always has to turn into a bitchy competition for some people. Maybe your child won't enjoy having such a snide mother. Swings and roundabouts!

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 13:46

@Horehound

I wouldn't personally because I feel a baby only wants to be with its mother when it is so young. And you may also not want to be parted! So o wouldn't commit to a hen do.

A baby wants to be fed, clean and cuddled. Most of them wouldn’t even notice who was doing it.

BFrazzled · 22/07/2021 13:48

@Cherrysummer
Are you a mother and did you breastfeed your child?

(I am guessing the answer will be no at least for the second question, LOL)

IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 22/07/2021 13:49

This is such bitchy crap.

Clearly you aren't as maternal as other folk are, not that there is anything wrong with that. But yeh, I wouldn't want to be without my little baby for a weekend and I'm sure they'd prefer you to be around too. But I'm sure you'll have fun at the hen do..

Babies are great, Squishy, lovable, everyone adores them.

They're also fucking hard work. And you don't get a badge for hovering over them every minute like some sort of martyr.

Original poster

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 13:50

Husband is saving all of his holiday to add to his paternity leave so he’s going to have a good amount of time at home with the baby before I go away. Like I said, I’m not 100% committed, but I do want to go and feel I will need a break. I can come home if I need to as it’s not that far.

It was more the judgement that shocked me than the logistics. I would never judge someone for leaving a baby if any age to have a break!

OP posts:

RealBecca · 22/07/2021 13:54

Yabu- not because i judge the idea but looking after an 8 week old alone sucks.

Pre baby i would have said i was fine with it, post baby i know how hard it is and wouldnt want sole responsibility.

BFrazzled · 22/07/2021 13:54

@Millionnewnames
I buggered off to Ibiza when she was 12 weeks old. She’s perfectly happy and has her own home at 20.
Nothing wrong with having your own home at 20, but by most people standards a 20 year old with functioning parents should ideally be in university dorm, rather than working to pay a mortgage. In the same vein, spending time predominantly in bouncer isn't ideal, and Ibiza is usually less appealing at this stage in life...

SnakeyTakey · 22/07/2021 13:57

[quote BFrazzled]@Millionnewnames
I buggered off to Ibiza when she was 12 weeks old. She’s perfectly happy and has her own home at 20.
Nothing wrong with having your own home at 20, but by most people standards a 20 year old with functioning parents should ideally be in university dorm, rather than working to pay a mortgage. In the same vein, spending time predominantly in bouncer isn't ideal, and Ibiza is usually less appealing at this stage in life...[/quote]
It's ridiculous to say that any 20 year old who isn't in university cannot have functional parents. Such a narrow view of the world. Academia is not for everyone. And that's fine!

CustardCreamm · 22/07/2021 13:58

No, I wouldn't leave my 8 week old for a whole weekend. But everyone is different so do what you feel is best!

Millionnewnames · 22/07/2021 14:02

I had my daughter at 18. And raised her alone , funded her alone ( not benefits) and she left school because she hated it and has worked her way up to good salary already. I paid for half her property which is gorgeous and she owns her very nice car outright. So she might not be in uni ( I did two degrees but she wasn’t the type) but she has every right to be happy and proud of her achievements . My youngest is a very happy child at the moment and I couldn’t care less if he’s a surgeon a footballer or a drag singer on a budget cruise liner when he grows up so long, as like her , he’s happy. My parents were arseholes and I wasn’t happy, very very unhappy. So I do everything in my power to not put my kids under pressure and make their lives as chilled as possible. Everybody has a right to raise their children their own way, making women feel guilty for not wanting to be glued to a baby 24/7 is very unfair.

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 14:04

by most people standards a 20 year old with functioning parents should ideally be in university dorm, rather than working to pay a mortgage

Only in the insane society we have now which worships on the altar of higher education.

pigglepot · 22/07/2021 14:04

@SheABitSpicyToday

Husband is saving all of his holiday to add to his paternity leave so he’s going to have a good amount of time at home with the baby before I go away. Like I said, I’m not 100% committed, but I do want to go and feel I will need a break. I can come home if I need to as it’s not that far.

It was more the judgement that shocked me than the logistics. I would never judge someone for leaving a baby if any age to have a break!

The judgment is ridiculous it's got nothing to do with her and is an entirely personal decision.

However as others have said you won't be able to make the decision until your baby is here as you may feel strongly one way or the other when they are here and you won't know until then! Personally I wouldn't have left my baby at 8 weeks- it felt like ripping off a limb when I left her for only a few hours when she was much older than that plus I breastfed her which made it (pretty much) impossible to leave her (you could pump before to build up a stash but it's a pain in the arse and then you would have to pump every few hours whilst away to maintain your supply and not feel over full). Having said that not everyone feels that way and some would be happy to go away. I have to admit though that of all the mothers I know none of them would have been ok to leave their 8 week old for a full weekend. A night or a day or evening definitely. But that's more about the mother than the baby who would be absolutely fine with your DH.

Musmerian · 22/07/2021 14:05

The OP should have been clear that this wasn’t her first. I think that changes advice. I do wish these threads wouldn’t turn into competitive bitchfests though. Just not helpful. I couldn’t leave my first at all and didn’t until she was about 18 months old. By number three I was more chilled. Everything is fine if people are ok with it and babies are having their needs met.

BlueBellsArePretty · 22/07/2021 14:20

OP ignore the comments from the posters implying that mothers of babies are more important than fathers and therefore you shouldn't attend this hen weekend.

Those who say they couldn't leave their baby sound like their issue is how they feel and not a genuine concern that their baby's needs will not be met. Because as long as your new baby is fed, kept warm, cuddled and given loving attention by their father then they will be fine especially since in all likelihood you will have spent nearly every waking moment with them, so bonding will not be interrupted by a 2 day break.

As for those who seem convinced that you will not want to leave your baby, you will know how you feel. I love my baby to bits and I trust the other significant caregivers in her life (her dad, gran, grandad) to give her the love and care I do. You may feel the same, this thread shows many others do not. My daughter had her first sleepover at her Gran's when she was 10 weeks old. I have not noticed any changes to her behaviour that suggests this has affected her negatively.

So OP provided you feel up to this hen do, go and have a brilliant time!

tgt123 · 22/07/2021 14:22

You can be a great mum without needing to spend every minute of every day with your baby. If people want to do that, good for them. But the judgment and outrage about leaving babies seems to be a MN thing, I don't know anyone like this IRL. Many people feel that they're a better parent when they have a break and recharge their batteries.

Credit to those mums that do make sacrifices and won't leave their babies in their first year. But there can be a knock-on sacrifice elsewhere, whether supporting friends and family, work, study, time with your other half or older kids. It's a balancing act and while a baby is naturally our first priority, it's not our only priority. And, if the baby is willing to take a bottle, dads can be just as much of a comfort to a crying baby. My husband was far better than me.

Our lives are more child-centric than our parents', but that doesn't mean putting pressure on people to be focused solely on their kids, possibly at the detriment of their own well-being. And judging them as bad mothers for having a weekend away with their friends.

BFrazzled · 22/07/2021 14:22

@Millionnewnames

I had my daughter at 18. And raised her alone , funded her alone ( not benefits) and she left school because she hated it and has worked her way up to good salary already. I paid for half her property which is gorgeous and she owns her very nice car outright. So she might not be in uni ( I did two degrees but she wasn’t the type) but she has every right to be happy and proud of her achievements . My youngest is a very happy child at the moment and I couldn’t care less if he’s a surgeon a footballer or a drag singer on a budget cruise liner when he grows up so long, as like her , he’s happy. My parents were arseholes and I wasn’t happy, very very unhappy. So I do everything in my power to not put my kids under pressure and make their lives as chilled as possible. Everybody has a right to raise their children their own way, making women feel guilty for not wanting to be glued to a baby 24/7 is very unfair.

If you raised her alone, and you had such issues with your parent who did you leave her with when you "buggered off to Ibiza"?

Sounds from your account like you did the best you could in your circumstances and perhaps you really needed a break, but maybe don't try to sell it as some ideal or a universal parenting experience to a clueless ftm op?

IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 22/07/2021 14:25

@BFrazzled what a ridiculous small-minded snobby post.

Ponoka7 · 22/07/2021 14:28

My DD went on a break with her partner when their baby was around nine weeks. She was breastfed and I was left with enough milk. If necessary I would have mixed fed. Babies bond around twelve weeks. Leaving them before that certainly doesn't do any harm. Your DH will be another primary carer by the sounds of it, so no issues there.

I've seen all different parenting styles and I would now advise the easiest route, because I don't see a difference in relationships and bonding tbh. All of the judgements were designed to keep women at home.

HOkieCOkie · 22/07/2021 14:29

I think it’s lovely your DH wants to have the baby and bond. Tell your sister to mind her own business.

Ponoka7 · 22/07/2021 14:32

@BFrazzled, Uni isn't for everyone and thank goodness it isn't or our society would cease to function. We should be giving ftm the message that she doesn't have to be sole primary carer and gets to have a break.

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 14:32

[quote IncludeWomenInThePrequel]@BFrazzled what a ridiculous small-minded snobby post.[/quote]
Absolutely. Fortunately I reckon @Millionnewnames is more than a match for her!

Millionnewnames · 22/07/2021 14:37

@Bfrazzled
Surely I’m not the only woman who has sisters?
They’re busy with their own lives but we’re brilliant back then. When you come from a huge family , just about everyone knows how to change a nappy and make a bottle by 6/7 years old. By the late teens your a bloody childcare expert . So it wasn’t an issue. And the sunshine and soul searching did give me the enthusiasm to get my arse in gear. Recover from my partner chucking me out at 4 months pregnant because he was shagging elsewhere.
I came back looking and feeling amazing and started my business a week later.
What I’d give for that energy now ….

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 14:37

Bumpsadaisie: ....this might be something which is fine, but it might be that you really don't feel able to do it.

I would make plans on a very contingent basis only!
.......
I agree with that.

You won't be able to make a firm decision until your baby is here.

BakewellGin1 · 22/07/2021 14:40

If you feel up to it just do it.

I went to Dublin when DS was 8ish weeks old. Both DS stayed with their Father. Neither gave a shit about me not being there. DS now 2 is most definately not traumatised from this time as he receives love and care from both parents and DH was more then capable of feeding, changing, bathing a baby. Even managed to clean up, do some washing and take oldest to football... I was away Friday to Monday and was satisfied both DS would be looked after. My parents were on hand if need be and there were regular flights home meaning I could be home in less then 2 hours if there had been an emergency.