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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask...would you??

152 replies

givewaygiveway · 21/07/2021 16:47

Would you opt to be a sahm if you were mortgage free, and your dh earned 60k?

I know that there will be lots of women on here who would always work no matter what the situation and wouldn't want to be "dependent" on a man. But I'm asking those who would love to be a sahm or who you with the idea etc

Would you in these circumstances?I currently work full time but you with it every so often, I would miss my wage I suppose but I like the idea of spending more time with the dc. Dh doesn't mind either way.

We also don't have childcare Costs so I'm not working to pay those as such.

OP posts:
Pissinthepottyplease · 21/07/2021 17:06

My DH earns around that but we have a mortgage. I’m a SAHM. You need to make plans for your pension.

Aurorie11 · 21/07/2021 17:06

Oops not well paid

Burnt0utMum · 21/07/2021 17:06

I'd love to be a SAHM and I was for a couple of years when the kids were small. I only went back to work for money reasons so if we had enough I'd jump to do it again. But I don't think £60k would be quite enough so in your situation I'd probably go part time.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 21/07/2021 17:08

I was a SAHM when we did have a mortgage and DH earned less than 60K. Now we are mortgage free and DH earns over 60K I go out to work! I returned to work when oldest started secondary because I really wasn’t needed so much and I felt like a new challenge. I only work part time though.

I was a SAHM for 15 years but always had full and free access to all money. I also kept busy with voluntary work when children were at school and some of that helped keep my IT skills up to date. When I did return to work I was totally able to hit the ground running.

OhRene · 21/07/2021 17:09

I did. We rent (long story as to why we could never buy) and DH is on £42K. Plenty for us to get by on. No top ups and tax credits needed. If DH and I were to split I could just get a job like I can at any point now. I've never had a career to lose by being a SAHM as I worked for my own business but not bringing in megabucks.

hellcatspangle · 21/07/2021 17:10

I'm not sure about being a SAHM the whole time - I had a year off after both of mine were born, then went back P/T. I enjoyed having a break from them but still had plenty of time at home.

Saying that, I was very lucky in that I managed to get jobs with flexible hours and had two willing grandmas close by who looked after them when I worked. If I'd had the faff of nursery drop offs and we'd had to pay fees I'd probably have stayed at home until they were in full time school.

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 17:11

Part time to keep your career on track in case of anything going wrong

purpleleotard · 21/07/2021 17:11

No
Been there and suffered the mind numbing boredom of being in a house all day with limited adult conversations etc.
Had to get back to a work environment for my sanity.
and £60k isn't enough.

LakeShoreD · 21/07/2021 17:12

No I wouldn’t consider it anywhere near enough money to have a decent lifestyle, pay into pensions for both of you and to have a good amount of savings in case he lost his job. But I appreciate that’s me and other families get by just fine on less.

EL8888 · 21/07/2021 17:13

No. I like to have my own life and early my own money. Wouldn’t mind dropping down to 25 or 30 hours though

Crunchymum · 21/07/2021 17:16

Lottery win and able to live a life of luxury then no I wouldn't work.

Being your bog standard SAHM, no way. I'd get too bored.

I am lucky in that I work 3 days per week (have done for 5 years now) and I feel it gives me the best of both worlds. Just when I am missing the kids I get a few days with them and just when the kids are driving me nuts, I get a few days without them Grin

gollyh · 21/07/2021 17:16

No

gollyh · 21/07/2021 17:17

But I had/have no interest in being a SAHM

sHREDDIES19 · 21/07/2021 17:17

This will absolutely work if you are like minded and he remains fully respectful of your role and contribution to the family. I would definitely go for it! At the moment our dynamic is the other way around and works great for us although my dh does some hours to keep things ticking over should he ever want to go back full time when kids are older. To me, work is just that, fulfilling for some maybe, but let’s not kid ourselves when we’re out the door, employers don’t give us a second thought. But the rewards and benefit for you abs your child staying at home, now that’s worthwhile surely.

Original poster
givewaygiveway · 21/07/2021 17:22

My job isn't really one that I can do part time. Sad

I have some money from a grandparent that is invested so intend on keeping that for retirement

Dc are already 6...twin boys

OP posts:
Miliao · 21/07/2021 17:25

No definitely not. Not on that wage for two people, and also aren’t they at school at 6? What would you do during the day, I would be bored stupid.

Babdoc · 21/07/2021 17:28

I went back to work when DD was 4 months old.
It nearly drove me potty being stuck at home on maternity leave. There’s no way I would have given up my satisfying career as a hospital doctor in order to be a housewife.
Just as well, as DH died when DD was 2 and her sister was just 11 months old, and I became sole breadwinner.
It’s been a tough 30 years since then, but at least we never had money worries.

hellcatspangle · 21/07/2021 17:29

Why would you want to stay at home all day when they're at school?

Standrewsschool · 21/07/2021 17:32

Yes. I was a sahm when dc were younger and dh on a lower salary than now.

Was fortunate to get a p/t job that fitted within school hours when dc was eight and six.

Original poster
givewaygiveway · 21/07/2021 17:32

I have thoughts of actually enjoying myself and doing my hobbies more intently 🤣

OP posts:
Dyrne · 21/07/2021 17:33

If your job isn’t one that could be done part time, have you looked at other jobs that you could do? If you don’t think you’d have money worries you could really take the time to find something that would work for you.

You don’t have to, of course, if you ultimately wanted to stay at home, just pointing out you have more options than just “work in current role full time” vs “quit everything to be a SAHM”.

Standrewsschool · 21/07/2021 17:33

Forgot to say, we had a mortgage then and I always envisaged being a sahm. Didn’t have kids for someone else to look after them.

CurbsideProphet · 21/07/2021 17:34

I would, but we live on under that from our both salaries now. Depends where you live I suppose. We manage more than fine to pay mortgage, bills, trips away etc. I would like to retrain so would use the free time to do that.

pinkcircustop · 21/07/2021 17:34

Of course. I didn’t have kids so someone else could raise them.

Pottedpalm · 21/07/2021 17:40

I was a SAHM for six years when DTs were small. It coincided with a spell of DH working in Africa so off we went.
I later went back to teaching part time to help pay school feed and stayed part time until retiring. I do some tutoring still.
It worked well for us and I found the DTs needed me more as teenagers.