To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

@TamzinGrey www.google.co.uk/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2016/01/09/battersea-dogs-home-puts-down-almost-a-quarter-of-its-dogs-every-year-5611931/amp/

@Hellvelyn

Things we've tried.....investigation of kidneys and for urine infections and diabetes, encouraging going outside by replacing our small cat flap with a larger one which is easier to use, Feliway and similar, larger litter tray, litter tray with a lid, various types of litter, bowls of dry food in her favourite peeing places to deter the peeing, cleaning up with biological washing liquid, cleaning up with special products to deter peeing, laying puppy pads in favourite peeing places, keeping to a familiar feeding routine, lots of attention and love and cuddles. I can probably think of more......

I would have returned the cat within a couple of months. its been 2 years now so way more tricky. If she is that bad, take her to local rescue centre or RSPCA and they can find a more suitable home for her.

I don't get people who refuse to keep an animal with behavioural problems. You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

I think unless you’ve had a determined sprayer it can be difficult to appreciate just how awful it is. Every bit of my furniture was marked. Wood clearly streaked with piss. Work surfaces in the kitchen- you’d turn the toaster on, it would blow up and then you’d see the piss dripping down the plug socket into a puddle on your food prep surface. 3 video players and 2 dvd players destroyed, and frequently turning on the tv to see dribbles down the front of the screen. Having to get the electrician out more than once to figure out what had been sprayed and shorted the whole house again. Re doing the washing because the cat’s sprayed the washing line. Brushing past a plant in your garden and realising the cats sprayed it and you have it on your hands and clothes. Constant cleaning, hyper alert to where the cat is and what it’s doing. Then there’s the smell and other cats joining in and pissing up the outside of your doors as well. And I didn’t have kids at the time.

No chance of rehoming as I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Cleaning up a litter box mishit is absolutely no issue after a sprayer.

Try anti anxiety/antidepressants @Hellvelyn. I had a serious sprayer and it was effective. He became much more settled and the spraying stopped within 2 weeks.

If you send your cat to a cattery for 10 weeks and then it wees everywhere why are you surprised? 10 weeks is so long to be away from the family. Did you visit your cat whilst it was at the cattery? You should get rid of the carpets not the cat and put down a tile or laminate floor that is easy to clean. If you put some soft sand in corner of your garden and mix with peat it will be soft for your cat to toilet there. Put cat there and hold its paw and scratch with it. Do it often use kitchen roll to soak up urine then put it in corner of garden. Cat will smell urine and start to go there. Do you get angry and shout at your cat when it wees indoors? Cats know when owners are resentful. Your child is right it is a part of your family. The more love you give to cats the more they love you back. If you take this cat back the chances are it will be put down. Are you ok with that? Will your children be ok with that?

Missing the litter tray is not the same as marking and spraying. Our cat was a piddler, peeing on our beds, our child's bed and even a guest's bed when the guest was in it. It was extremely upsetting and happened on a very regular basis. We always had to have extra duvets and have chucked out two mattresses because the smell wouldn't come out. We manage our boy with medication for his thyroid and by shutting him in the kitchen at night but he still sometimes reverts. It's luck of the draw with rescue animals and you need to be prepared, but equally, you can only be so sentimental if the issue is unfixable and distressing.

We had the same issues with a rescue cat years ago, it was probably the reason he was there in the first place.
We tolerated it for two years and then handed him back. I was pregnant with twins at the time and he was pissing everywhere and I just wasn’t prepared to continue letting him destroy our home.
Yes it’s sad for the children but it can’t continue.

My Mum cleaned up after our cat for 17 years. He peed on everything. Reversed up to the TV and peed on that while she was watching it one night. Furniture destroyed. Whole house needed re-carpeting by the time she came to sell. She tried everything to get him to stop. She couldn’t leave him at the cattery because he was an absolute wreck afterwards so she missed out of loads of stuff. I would’ve been sad if she’d rehomed him at the time but I would’ve totally got now I’m older and have my own place/busy life. Mediation?

Some people have said their cats improved on medication from vet. Ask vet for anti anxiety medication for cats. At least try before sending him packing.

I think you should have known the behaviour could return with massive upheavals, like new extensions and her spending weeks in a cattery. So I can only wonder why you're giving the cat enough free reign to even be able to pee on laptops and beloved photo albums. I think it would have made more sense to sit the family down and talk about cat proofing before even considering rehoming.

You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

A cat is not a child. I've had pets for my entire life (I'm now retired) and they've been a joy and part of the family. But they are not children.

A child would not psychologically cope with being returned. A cat or dog can change households and be prefectly happy with its new owners. All my cats have been rescues. Also one of the two dogs. They all had another home and owners before mine. They were not traumatised by changing home and family. They settled in straight away. You can't do that with a child, so stop pretending they're the same thing.

That's without even going to the 'child being actually genetically yours, and growing inside your body' bit.

No one can tell you how your children will feel in the long run but I’m still upset that my childhood pet was rehomed.

Sorry OP.

This reminds me of our Yorkie - who had already been returned to the RSPCA twice when we met her. They didn't say why but I assume it was weeing everywhere because she did. She was very nervous so that might have been the reason. But ... No ... I couldn't send her back to the RSPCA again so put up with it, cleaned often, hid precious stuff out of her reach and put plastic covers on all the furniture. One day 2 years later, she collapsed and died. I'd like to think we gave her a good retirement but I don't think she ever felt truly safe 😿

@WOBNIARM

As of the time of this comment, I myself have rescued/adopted three very different cats, albeit none of them from the RSPCA. The first cat was the runt of the litter and wasn't getting food as mummy cat and grandma cat were both stealing the food. It later died from a urinary tract infection at a year old. The second cat was run over, rescued/adopted by another individual, kept as a plaything for that individuals child and then I rescued/adopted it. It now happily hunts mice for fun without any worries or issues. The third cat was infested with fleas, had lacerations all around it's neck from a collar too tight, was malnourished, had separation anxiety and more. It now loves affection of any kind and has become it's own alarm clock.

If there's anything I've learned over the years during which I've had and still have these cats, it's that when rescuing/adopting any animal, you NEED to be prepared to support it irregardless of what it's doing.

Your intentions may have been good when you rescued/adopted this cat, but it doesn't sound like you thought through fully the commitment you were taking on board. While I DON'T think you're being unreasonable to insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA, as this cat could probably benefit from someone that could support it better, I DO think you've been unreasonable to stop someone else from giving this cat a better chance earlier on without considering what adopting/rescuing it would fully entail.

agree that she she give it up for someone who comfortable with cat's issue. I went to adopt a beautiful cat and they told me it had urinary issues and had been returned twice by adopters. I did not take it as I was not prepared to deal with that. But some people are very experienced and willing to take cats with urinary issues. You could always go back and get it if no one adopts it. My father took all our kittens to the RSPCA as our cat got pregnant. He waited about 15 minutes then drove back and got them all!!! He didn't have the heart to leave them. We found homes for them instead.

I blooming love cats, but can understand how frustrating this must feel.

As others have said, 10 weeks was a long time to be away from home. Although it seems that she wasn’t quite so bad there, so I agree with others that have said maybe she needs a more contained area for a short while. Am guessing that’s not easy with two teens in the house, but have you got a room that could be her space?

I see you’ve installed a bigger dat flap. Does she go out much? Does she seem to prefer being out or in? Have you noticed whether other cars visit your garden? This can really stress them out. Maybe some privacy film on lower parts of windows if she prefers being indoors.

If she prefers outside, do you have a shed or something that could be converted so that she has access to somewhere warm and set up for her needs?

I’d definitely discuss anxiety medication with your vet.

Have a look for a Jackson Galaxy videos, am pretty sure there are a couple of episodes dealing with this sort of behaviour.

I am not sure if sending her to any rescue would be the best thing for her. Whichever rescue, it will be more time cooped up, then adjusting (or not) to a new home - and any new owner may not try everything that you have. Equally, I don’t like suggesting PTS, as I feel that when we take on a pet, we take it on for life.

Just throwing out random thoughts here!

@nancyclancy123

We had the same issues with a rescue cat years ago, it was probably the reason he was there in the first place. We tolerated it for two years and then handed him back. I was pregnant with twins at the time and he was pissing everywhere and I just wasn’t prepared to continue letting him destroy our home. Yes it’s sad for the children but it can’t continue.

Had similar with a cat we took in from RSPCA. Howled continuously, vomited everywhere. We let it out and it would fight, beg neighbours for food, scratch doors. Crunch came when I had baby and it bit them out of the blue. We moved it downstairs and confined to one space, plug in and spray, it continued to howl all day, and one night howled from midnight until 3am until moved into a room at the back if the house so we couldn't hear it. One day after coming downstairs to more vomit, piss and crap in the room we had to contain them in I just broke down and said to dh we needed to get rid of the cat. We'd kept it over a year after it bit my child, it couldn't be trusted. Howling all day and night and using the entire house as a litter tray was too much. We put the cat to sleep. Like others have said, if your life is being completely ruined by a cat and you've tried a few things then just do the humane thing. There are so many people who don't neuter cats and dogs which is why we have so many in shelters. What arevtge RSPCA supposed to do? There's no room to keep them all. Blame idiot breeders producing litter after litter of animals that end up in shelters.

I assume that the cat has been spayed, I have three cats now, in fact I have had many many cats over the last 50 years, and never had a cat that pees all over the place. Unless it's a medical issue, or a kind of abandonment issue, when she went to a cattery for a long time, not sure why a cat would be so troublesome.

@caringcarer

If you send your cat to a cattery for 10 weeks and then it wees everywhere why are you surprised? 10 weeks is so long to be away from the family. Did you visit your cat whilst it was at the cattery? You should get rid of the carpets not the cat and put down a tile or laminate floor that is easy to clean. If you put some soft sand in corner of your garden and mix with peat it will be soft for your cat to toilet there. Put cat there and hold its paw and scratch with it. Do it often use kitchen roll to soak up urine then put it in corner of garden. Cat will smell urine and start to go there. Do you get angry and shout at your cat when it wees indoors? Cats know when owners are resentful. Your child is right it is a part of your family. The more love you give to cats the more they love you back. If you take this cat back the chances are it will be put down. Are you ok with that? Will your children be ok with that?

If you read her posts she says the cat was better at the cattery and in the immediate weeks afterwards making her think that the issue was resolved with the cat now having a space it liked in the house. She also says that she visited the cat weekly at the cattery.

If I understand the timeline correctly, she came back from 10 weeks at the cattery at the end of last year or beginning of this year. She was fine for six months, and then started this again just last week. If that's the case, it's something you're doing. Figure out what it is, and then decide whether you'd rather get rid of the cat than stop doing it. But you owe it to the cat to at least try that much.

I am a big cat lover but you can't go on like this.

How can you explain to your kids? Maybe focus on the idea that the cat clearly isn't happy at your house, and nothing is helping, so she could be happier elsewhere.

Tbh, and I'll get flamed for this no doubt, what you should have done is had her PTS, and tell your kids she got sick or in an accident, and the vet advised PTS immediately. However now you've had the family meeting its too late for this tactic.

Have you tried a vet behaviorist?

Are you able to build a car run with an undercover area? Perhaps she would prefer to be outside all the time?

The cats I've heard of with peeing issues and nothing medical has been found, it's been caused by anxiety. Once they started anxiety medication they were fine.

I adopted an older cat from a breed specific rescue. I told them, no urinary issues - that's a deal breaker for me. The cat then proceeded to wee everywhere and it was horrible. I returned the cat to the rescue and they were going to keep her as one of their permanent guests, as they realised that perhaps she was not adoptable. I think it is perfectly reasonable to have your limits with pets. This time round, I got a kitten from a breeder.

Yabu. You don't just turf them back.
I adopted a cat from the SSPCA and when I got her home she peed blood everywhere, expensive vet bills that evening to find out she was actually 14 with a thyroid condition and kidney infection.
I phoned the SSPCA back and told them the 6 year old cat was actually 14 and ill and they must have known this and they offered to take her back. I refused as I had already chose to take her on warts and all but thought I would let them know her condition.
She went on to live a good few years and was a happy cat and wouldn't have had it any other way.
When you take on a pet, in my opinion you take everything that comes with them.

Long story short, one of my cats does this, but only in a couple of places.
It's been going on for years and nothing helps.
It's had me in tears a few times as it's just such a chore cleaning daily and the smell is constant now.

However, I took her on for life, the same as my other two and she's a lovely, affectionate, funny little cat.

I also know exactly what rehoming her through a shelter would mean.
No one would adopt a little black cat who will pee on the floor, and she'd live in a cage basically waiting to be PTS.

Nah, my wee girl is staying with me.

@TreeSmuggler

I am a big cat lover but you can't go on like this.

How can you explain to your kids? Maybe focus on the idea that the cat clearly isn't happy at your house, and nothing is helping, so she could be happier elsewhere.

Tbh, and I'll get flamed for this no doubt, what you should have done is had her PTS, and tell your kids she got sick or in an accident, and the vet advised PTS immediately. However now you've had the family meeting its too late for this tactic.

PTS?! Are you being serious?!

Oh I completely sympathise. I have a dog who was dumped on me last year despite my protests. Kids love him. I am fond of him when he's not stressing me out . He has cost me thousands of pounds and many arguments with the DH. He has dug up gardens, eaten chunks of a wooden playhouse, eaten numerous deliveries (despite me plastering the house asking delivery drivers not to leave parcels outside but in garage) eaten clothes of washing line ( never the worn out clothes) eaten several pairs of trainers, killed two kittens and a couple of hens, eaten a seatbelt out my car, Christmas lights . I could go on forever. I have spent a fortune on training (apparently he's very intelligent and loads of energy (no sh*t). I'm really afraid to say it I but I think we might be turning a corner. My daughter left a pair of shoes outside today and he didn't devour them Immediately . I love animals but they are no fun when they are misbehaving.