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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

358 replies

Hellvelyn · 20/07/2021 22:40

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

OP posts:
CuteOrangeElephant · 20/07/2021 23:07

We had to return a cat to the RSPCA. She would wee constantly in the house, destroyed countless items and carpets, attacked my other cat to the point he needed an operation. Every time my baby cried the cat got aggressive. We tried a lot things, lot of vet bills. My DH wanted to keep her but as he can't smell it was me who had to endure the stench. The cat couldn't go outside as she was completely blind, which the RSPCA somehow didn't inform us of when we adopted her. Not sure what happened to her and we will never find out. I hope she got a nice house somewhere without any other animals, because underneath it all she was lovely Sad

Henio · 20/07/2021 23:07

Have you tried using a cat urine repellent spray to get rid of the existing odor? Cats usually like to pee in the same spot so if you get rid of the scent and spray a citrus based scent there they'll be less keen, that's what seemed to work with one of my cats who peed inside

aprilanne · 20/07/2021 23:09

You do realise they will put her to sleep. They are one of the worst h
Charities for this great for tv appeals
But dont actually ask them to actually help. If you cant be arsed with a poor pet you took o two years ago and they really are yo much of an inconvenience. At least phone the cats protection

mayblossominapril · 20/07/2021 23:09

I would just let her out. If you can cat proof the garden if not just accept the risks (run over, beaten up by other cats, poisoned, get locked in somewhere she shouldn’t). She’ll probably be happier.

Henio · 20/07/2021 23:09

Sorry didn't see the update, have you tried leaving cut lemon halves around the areas she pees?

Original poster
Hellvelyn · 20/07/2021 23:11

She seemed very settled at the cattery. Was the only cat there at the time and got lots of attention from the owner. DD and I visited her every week for cuddles. There was no way I would have her in the house at that time. Lots if noise, dust and disruption. She would have been so unhappy.

OP posts:
Rocketearth · 20/07/2021 23:11

Perhaps try a behavioural expert for advice?
She sounds stressed by something in your household as cats are usually clean creatures.

I’ve had many pets all my life and I’d be ready to have had enough by now. Perhaps your DC could get involved in the cleaning up to appreciate the impact of the absolute stink that is cat urine?

MrsToothyBitch · 20/07/2021 23:12

Is it toileting or toilet training issues or is she spraying? If it's spraying you need to look at the why.

My mum has an older bengal girl that sprays. She came to us at 9, we're her 3rd home. At one point we couldn't cope and almost rehomed her but she's older and we owed it to her and we love her so much. Older cats- especially with bad habits don't stand much chance of a happy end. I'm too soft to do it but I do know what it's like trying to sniff out the 3rd wee in 2hrs and can understand why you're ready to consider it.

Ours does it to reinforce her security and occasionally to show annoyance. We've never managed to completely knock it on the head but she's much better now, although she will go on a spray-spree if she's unsettled, such as when she got attacked by another cat recently.

Have you posted on the litter tray? They might have more suggestions. Mine is don't buy a CSI type lamp to find evidence of previous crimes unless you REALLY want to know. We were Shock. Good luck, FlowersCakeWine

aprilanne · 20/07/2021 23:12

Cute orange elephant .it doesn't need much imagination to know what happened to the poor thing .honestly

HJ40 · 20/07/2021 23:13

I can understand why it's so difficult, but I think YANBU because you've tried so much. It's got to work for everyone, including the cat, and it doesn't sound like the cat's happy. You're understandably not happy.

MotionActivatedDog · 20/07/2021 23:14

OP are there any plants in your house that could be making her feel ill? Any other pets? Any diffusers or plug-in air fresheners?

saraclara · 20/07/2021 23:15

Who cleans up the urine? And whose items is she weeing on?

One of our cats did this for months after we first had him. He knew what the litter tray and the garden were for. But at least once a day he'd randomly wee in the house. On our beds, on the sofa, on piles of clothes (at least those could go on the machine).

It was simply unmanageable. Our mattresses, our furnishings...You just can't reliably get all the urine out of them. You just can't. The house was starting to smell, and I was spending fortunes and loads of time cleaning, and getting him investigated.

It suddenly stopped, thank goodness. But if it hadn't, I don't think we could have gone on. Bless him, he was 21 when he died. Can you imagine 21 years of him weeing on soft furnishings every day?

Obviously some people are prepared to wash bedding every day, sit on a sofa they can't be certain they got wee out of and they keep smelling it, or find the contents of the ironing basket soaked in wee. But most of us can't.

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 23:17

@Hellvelyn
Would it be possible she actually likes the small space? So didn’t get lost when caught short. Can you keep her in one room like the cattery does in a pen? They are obviously doing something you aren’t if she was happy there.
Try the cinnamon trust. RSPCA are notorious for pts.

Missingtheedge · 20/07/2021 23:19

We got a cat from Battersea and 2.5 years on I recently rang them for advice and they provided an excellent behavioural advice line. I know your cat didn’t come from there but you could just call and ask to see if they can give you advice or point you in the direction of somewhere to ask? I know someone who did get rid of a cat years ago because it was weeing absolutely everywhere and the vet couldn’t find anything wrong, and deduced that the cat just wasn’t ‘quite right.’

It’s easy for posters to sit at their screens and make disparaging comments about you getting rid of the cat, but how many people would be pleased to take on a cat who wees everywhere?

Original poster
Hellvelyn · 20/07/2021 23:19

I've not tried lemon halves so will give that a go. No other pets and two quiet teens. I just don't understand. She does love a lap so maybe she needs someone who is at home and available all day long. She was in a bad way physically when she arrived at the RSPCA which makes me wonder whether she's been emotionally damaged in the past.

OP posts:
MrsToothyBitch · 20/07/2021 23:20

Second the cinnamon trust.

Lockheart · 20/07/2021 23:22

It's a very difficult situation and I don't think the emotional blackmail posts from lots of posters are in any way useful.

Obviously the situation can't continue as it is. However your DS is also correct.

If the children are adamant they want to keep her, then they need to take on the responsibility of cleaning up after her, and they'll need to help you work to try and fix the problem once and for all (I don't have cats so I can't comment on how best to do this).

Ultimately it's clear the cat isn't happy at the moment, and neither are you. If you can't fix the situation then the best option is to re-home.

MotionActivatedDog · 20/07/2021 23:23

I would restrict her access to one small area, the quietest room in the house, have a comfy chair there with your/your DCs sweater on it and maybe a hot water bottle too (under the sweater) before you leave for any length of time. Make it a really pleasant space for her.

JustATypo · 20/07/2021 23:23

It sounds like you’ve tried everything, and it’s amazing how all these posters piling on you would be happy to live in a house with cat pee all over everything, just can’t imagine the standards of some people not worried about cat piss all over their kids toys, beds, whatever. Gross and unhygienic.

The cat can’t live inside with access to most of the house, that’s obvious. So yes rehome, or, if it is happy as a mainly outside cat with restricted access to rooms inside maybe allow him into a tiny area of the house only? We have an inside cat who has access to an outdoor area that is contained that he can’t escape from where he toilets, sometimes in the litter tray and sometimes not, but it doesn’t matter because he’s outside. We spent some time with him as a kitten teaching him where to go and dealing with accidents but that’s also why I would not get an adult inside cat as a rescue cat as it is very hard to change adult cat behaviour as you have discovered.

Plus I doubt your kids are the ones who are cleaning up cat piss, replacing items that have been ruined by cat piss, or going around constantly checking that there isn’t cat piss on something if the cat might have pissed somewhere in the past five mins, how stressful.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 20/07/2021 23:24

This is why we don’t have pets. I understand why you’d want to get rid of the cat. It sounds awful. However, I’m not sure that your DC will accept/forgive you.

Planty13 · 20/07/2021 23:28

Let her outside

TamzinGrey · 20/07/2021 23:29

Those who are saying that the RSPCA would have her PTS are talking absolute rubbish. I volunteer at an RSPCA cat rescue where we keep cats that can't be rehomed for the rest of their natural lives, and never PTS unnecessary. If she was one of ours we'd have her back like a shot. In fact, we'd want her back if we knew that you'd stuck her in a cattery for 10 weeks, and that you didn't want her anymore.
Poor little thing, no wonder she's stress spraying. Please contact the rescue that you got her from and ask to return her.

MrsToothyBitch · 20/07/2021 23:29

@Hellvelyn- it does sound to me like she may have some trauma? Only going on my experience though. Might she be jealous of your teens? Your other cat? Not yet be satisfied that she's claimed your extension or be used to the new space?

Ours is besotted with my mum. She's an only pet- and happy that way and my mum is like the sun in her solar system. The vet remarked upon it. Her first home was happy until the Dd who owned her left home and the mum took up breeding terriers- one scared kitty ensued. Her second home adored her but they took her in as a favour and she got jealous of the kittens already there! We believe the reason for the spraying at my parents is because she's so happy as an only; she marked her turf when she moved in and tops it up when something scares her or disrupts her. Weirdly she never does it in kennels - she goes in if mum goes away or she starts to panic about mum being gone- but has a few little sprays upon her return.

Fawful · 20/07/2021 23:30

I font know about the RSPCA, but Cats Protection wouldn't put her to sleep, I think they'd keep her with a fosterer for as long as it took... And there are people who adopt all sort of cats, especially those no one else wants. I wouldn't hesitate.

Nittersing · 20/07/2021 23:30

My ex had this problem with a rescue cat. He ended up limiting her area to the laundry and an outdoor cat run for a good few months. Then increased it to include the kitchen. The weeing settled and improved eventually but she's really not an emotionally normal cat and can't be relied upon in carpeted areas at all. Save your sanity and restrict her access to wet areas and hard surfaces.
Cat stink is just putrid and there is no getting it out.