To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

I've read all OPs posts but skimmed the replies so don't know if anyone has asked before.

Have there been lots of changes in the house due to COVID? People home more than usual so she always had company, now they're back to work/school she's alone? We had this with one of our cats and it is so frustrating. If we moved anything, he would spray it or pee on it. The vets have said it could be anxiety as any changes to their norm can be really disruptive.

We live in the countryside and he goes outside, hasn't used a litter tray since he was tiny - now 10. We haven't found a solution to the situation yet - just grateful we have stone floors.

This wins the prize for most ridiculous comment.

@HeckyPeck Yeah you're right, on reflection it was probably a daft thing to say but in my defence it was 2am

I doubt your cats are like:

Cat 1: ooh I really fancy peeing on the rug tee-hee
Cat 2: come on now, Cat 1. You know better than that!
Cat 1: ahh you're right Cat 2. Outside we go!

This did really make me laugh though

[quote Maddison12]@HeckyPeck Yeah you're right, on reflection it was probably a daft thing to say but in my defence it was 2am

I doubt your cats are like:

Cat 1: ooh I really fancy peeing on the rug tee-hee
Cat 2: come on now, Cat 1. You know better than that!
Cat 1: ahh you're right Cat 2. Outside we go!

This did really make me laugh though [/quote]
😹

I think it being 2am is a reasonable excuse!

Have you tried this product? I have a cat that gets stressed with travel and this is my miracle cure, feliway never worked with her

Get rid!

@pigeonpies

Can't you have her put down? Sounds like she's distressed and would be putting her out of misery

Have the animal killed because you can't cope?

Grade A Fuck.

This is why I don't like people. Don't like/can't cope. Nuke it. Grrr.

Sometimes its a kindness putting an animal to sleep.

I'm in the same situation with my 12 year old dog. He's pretty much urinary incontinent due to liver disease/overstretched bladder, he has arthritis, hasn't been playful for years. Essentially he exists as an animated rug that occasionally rolls himself for a belly scratch.

The prescription food we have him on costs $130 a month and he doesn't even eat it. If we take him off it, he will pee around the house even more. There is no diagnosis that will be easy (or cheap) to treat and I've spent the past 2 years or so mopping my house 50 times a day. Our helper has upped his walks during the day but it's not realistic to take him out 8 times a day (we don't have a garden and live in the tropics so too hot for him to walk during daytime).

I am really at my wits end. We put him in dog diapers, they get soaked through and need washing all the time, I can't get meds into him (to hinder the urination), he stinks and hates being washed so we feel guilty putting him through it just to try and keep him comfortable.

When I consider what his quality of life is like, and then I consider our quality of life, having a house that smells of pee whilst juggling a FT career and two children, I think our decision next week will be to PTS. My mental health is important, and honestly my dog deserves us to be proactive and give him a peaceful send off.

@Strokethefurrywall. Your position with your dog is so far removed from the OP. Your poor
Dog is in continuous decline through ill health from which there is only going to be more pain/discomfort. What you are contemplating is the right course of action.

The op on the other hand hasn’t tried everything to solve the cats problems and wants to give an undiagnosed, but highly likely stressed cat (which can be resolved) to a charity which will simply destroy a cat which could go on to have a happy, long life with the right actions taken. A bit like throwing out a toy which is tatty but otherwise could have gone to another, grateful home, who might have been prepared to repair it.

But I was in her position 2 years ago - OP has tried a shit ton of things to try and solve the problem. Locking a cat in an enclosed space is cruel and if not, it's causing damage to personal belongings, and expensive items like couches and carpets, that maybe OP can't afford to replace. I would draw the line too.

I believe that "a pet is for life", only to the point that you promise to provide a loving, safe and warm environment for the animal to the best of your abilities.
If someone else can offer a troubled animal a better life in another space, then I'm all for rehoming. If someone else has the time and mental bandwidth to work on issues then I'm all for rehoming.

Risking your own mental and financial health for the sake of an animal is absolutely foolish. And bullying someone into the "pet is for life at all costs" mantra just leaves me aghast.

My animals are my pets. They are not my babies. They get all the love and cuddles and fawning over that they need. But I value the right of my mental health and children's health far more to continue with a pretty much unsolvable situation and I believe this is where OP is at this stage, judging by her posts.

@Strokethefurrywall by the op own admission she hasn’t tried everything. Plus she is a honking of using an
Organisation which is known for operating kill shelters when there are much better rehoming services.
I am not arguing with you about your own position. - try reading my post and ops.

A few thoughts... Is your litter area always super clean? Has a vet ruled out UTIs? Can you retrain her to use the litter box by confining her and it to a small area for a while, and gradually enlarging the area? Has she been declawed ( it may hurt her feet to walk on an uneven surface ); do you have only one litter tray? Have you tried using litter attractant?

@pigeonpies

Can't you have her put down? Sounds like she's distressed and would be putting her out of misery

So, if your child/partner/parent etc was distressed or depressed would you advocate putting them 'out of their misery'?

What a totally unrealistically uncaring attitude to have.

@Strokethefurrywall

But I was in her position 2 years ago - OP has tried a shit ton of things to try and solve the problem. Locking a cat in an enclosed space is cruel and if not, it's causing damage to personal belongings, and expensive items like couches and carpets, that maybe OP can't afford to replace. I would draw the line too.

I believe that "a pet is for life", only to the point that you promise to provide a loving, safe and warm environment for the animal to the best of your abilities.
If someone else can offer a troubled animal a better life in another space, then I'm all for rehoming. If someone else has the time and mental bandwidth to work on issues then I'm all for rehoming.

Risking your own mental and financial health for the sake of an animal is absolutely foolish. And bullying someone into the "pet is for life at all costs" mantra just leaves me aghast.

My animals are my pets. They are not my babies. They get all the love and cuddles and fawning over that they need. But I value the right of my mental health and children's health far more to continue with a pretty much unsolvable situation and I believe this is where OP is at this stage, judging by her posts.

I do agree with this. We have two cats, but ultimately they are just animals who have won the lottery in the history of small mammals, and currently live a life of luxury! I wouldn't anthropomorphise them. If they started making my life hell, steps would be taken.

No of course not. They are humans for a start and completely illegal

Vets put animals out of their misery every day. Animals don't have autonomy so humans make decisions for them

@Harmonypuss are you seriously equating an animal to a partner, child or parent?

To you maybe, but my animals are my pets. Not my flesh and blood, and not humans that I chose to build a life with or create other humans with.

Such a stupid fucking argument.

@Strokethefurrywall
To a lot of people animals are more important than humans. Even family. There are counselling services run by the blue cross to help those who’ve lost their pets over the rainbow bridge.
Plenty of threads on here about those who grieve for their animals but do not shed a tear for a deceased relative.
Personally I can totally see their point of view having had a celebration party when my mother died. Grieve - not one person did when she died.

Yes and I totally appreciate there are those to whom pets are their family, of course there are.

But frankly it’s a ridiculous question asking “if someone would rehome their child, parent or spouse” if they became incontinent. No because I love my human family a million times more than I love my pets and don’t equate them to be my children.

Frankly I think it’s more inhumane to treat animals like children or babies, dressing them up and ascribing human emotions to them.

So.....this evening I went into the kitchen to find next door's cat wandering around! She's a shy, nervous little thing and I've never known her to do this before. I wonder whether this imposter has led to our cat reverting to weeing outside her litter tray. Maybe she comes in at night? Still going to get her checked at the vet and talk anxiety meds incase the weeing problem persists even after shutting the imposter cat out. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Lots of food for thought. Will continue to try a few more things before making any decisions. She really is a lovely cat but there are limits and having my home and possessions damaged by stinking urine and feeling constantly stressed by the situation is my limit.

@Hellvelyn

Well! I think you may have found your cause. Can you lock the cat flap as a starting point.?

@Strokethefurrywall it’s really not such a bad question. Divorces are known to incorporate fights over who gets custody of the dog/cat etc - and yes, they are in effect throwing a human away by the very act of
divorce.
My Dh knows in a fire - I’ll do anything to save the cats - he will have to fend for himself. No joke.

The problem could well be down to the visiting cat. Does your cat flap have a one way lock? If not, maybe replace it with one that does. Her collar would have a little magnet, so that it let’s your girl in, but not other cats. Good luck!

@Strokethefurrywall

^@Harmonypuss are you seriously equating an animal to a partner, child or parent?

To you maybe, but my animals are my pets. Not my flesh and blood, and not humans that I chose to build a life with or create other humans with.

Such a stupid fucking argument.^

Yes, I am equating a loved pet too a family member!!

Judging by the fact that a great many posters on here have as good as agreed with what I'm saying, for many, pets ARE family.

My own best friend has spent £1,000s every year (for well over 20yrs) on insurance and excesses for pets with heart conditions because "they are her family'.

I take it that the people who've made comments encouraging the OP to have this poor cat euthanised would have advised my friend not to bother spending all that money on giving her gorgeous, loving dogs a good life and to have them destroyed.

As said, her dogs, despite their health concerns, have been able to lead good, long, loving/loved lives.

There is also a new law being discussed at present which will mean that pets will be given increased status in law (currently only the same as your purse or phone). This wouldn't be happening if people didn't consider their pets to be worth more to them (not just financially but emotionally) than their mobile phones.

So going back to my question about whether people would look at euthanising a family member if they were distressed (as was implied about the OP's cat), I'll change 'distressed' for 'heart condition' in my theoretical question ... would you consider having a loved one euthanised because they have a heart condition?

There's nothing stupid about my argument because the majority of pet owners actually DO consider their pets to be family!

But you can’t automatically assume that others would spend thousands of pounds on their animals over multiple years and you can’t state that all people treat their animals like your friend does.

That’s why it’s a stupid argument - assuming that all people should treat or see their pets as equal to their children or spouse and then use the fact that they don’t as a stick to beat them with.

@Strokethefurrywall

And you can’t assume that everyone will treat another animal like a piece of rubbish to be thrown away when broken.
As has been said time and time again on this thread. If the op wants to dispose of an animal who is evidently being stressed by something the op can change and prevent, then do it in a sensible manner. Euthanasia is not the first option she should take nor is using the rspca. She should use a reputable cat charity rescue center.

Pets are sentient beings. Not a piece of Lego. You take them on and a whole lot of responsibility, just as you do when having kids.

Do not use your stupid argument to beat others with just because very few people agree with you.

@Hellvelyn

So.....this evening I went into the kitchen to find next door's cat wandering around! She's a shy, nervous little thing and I've never known her to do this before. I wonder whether this imposter has led to our cat reverting to weeing outside her litter tray. Maybe she comes in at night? Still going to get her checked at the vet and talk anxiety meds incase the weeing problem persists even after shutting the imposter cat out. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Lots of food for thought. Will continue to try a few more things before making any decisions. She really is a lovely cat but there are limits and having my home and possessions damaged by stinking urine and feeling constantly stressed by the situation is my limit.

That is really significant. And will definitely be something that would cause your cat stress. And I’d probably put that at the top of the list of things to try/loom out for.

This is going to be an expense, but I think you need a cat flap which registers microchips. Will mean that only your cat can enter/exit (from memory, not much of an outdoor lover).

Seriously. Another cat having access to your house could definitely be causing issues for your cat. If you can’t afford a new catflap, then lock your current one so no other dats can get in.