To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

It not super nice
However I’ve never understood why humans have made a random decision that some animals deserve life ( horses , dogs and cats )
And the rest can live miserable lives and die for us

So given this , and the fact that cat will be euthanised painlessly …..

When people decide to get pets all this should be explained to them.

Yes this is annoying, but you committed to a pet. I could give up on my pet for this.

What do you think will happen once you ‘hand her back’? She will probably spend the rest of her life at a shelter. Very hard to rehome.

I do think it’s okay to rehome when the pet will be better off. In this case it seems highly unlikely she will

Well I’d send her back because I wouldn’t be putting up with anything of mine getting ruined.

However, this is exactly why I wouldn’t get an animal in the first place.

@Hellvelyn

It sounds as if your cat is spraying and chronically anxious.

Have you sought specialist behavioural advice?

icatcare.org/advice/spraying/

www.asab.org/ccab-register

icatcare.org/spotlight-on-science-new-research-on-spraying-and-house-soiling/

Have you tried letting her out? Sometimes cats like to make a 'moat' when they can't protect their outside territory. Watch some cats from hell about peeing maybe. They're all on YouTube.

@wobblyweasel

Have you tried white vinegar with 2/3 drops of tea tree oil in it? I found it worked my cats ever had an accident in the house.

On a spoon? Will they drink it?

You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

Anyone who thinks a cat is the same as a child should be allowed to have neither./

Tough one op. I'd really struggle with the peeing everywhere, cat wee smells awful and it's so unhygienic. So I understand that you've reached the end of your tether. But nobody will take a cat like you've described (unless you can rehome her as an outside cat on a farm or something) and she'll likely be put to sleep, which is incredibly sad.

Our old girl is currently sat on my lap purring like mad. She's got kidney disease but is doing really well and still has a good quality of life. We've had her for 12 years. We know that at some stage her kidney disease will cause problems and we will likely have to clean up after her. But she really is part of our family after so long and I couldn't imagine getting rid of her. We will have to adapt, maybe keep her out of carpeted rooms (not such a problem as we have wooden flooring downstairs).

I don't know what to suggest op. If she only had access to one room with a cat flap to the outdoors, would she use it? Could you contact a pet behavioural expert for further advice?

@Qwerty789

You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

Anyone who thinks a cat is the same as a child should be allowed to have neither./

Well said.

I also wonder whether the cat may be nervous about other cats outside? It sounds like she might be spraying but wee is coming out at the same time because she’s holding it in for long periods.

Where is the litter tray located? Is it anywhere near the cat flap? If so, it could be that she’s anxious about other cats coming in, and cats are at their most vulnerable when they’re weeing. (I’ve read books by cat behaviour and this is given as a common reason for inappropriate urination or soiling.)

Another suggestion is that maybe she doesn’t like weeing and pooing in the same place? You haven’t mentioned soiling as being an issue, is she soiling in the tray? Would another litter tray be a possibility, in one of the locations where she currently chooses to wee? And then shut her away from other locations where she does it?

There are other reasons why cats wee or poo inappropriately, and I do agree with the suggestion to consult a behaviourist. There are also good books available on cat behaviour, with practical advice.

Your children should be helping you clean up after the cat as well, as they’re 18 and 16.

@pinkcircustop

Well I’d send her back because I wouldn’t be putting up with anything of mine getting ruined.

However, this is exactly why I wouldn’t get an animal in the first place.

This.

If you get a cat you have to accept furniture will be plucked and accidents will happen inside.

If you can’t tolerate this, then don’t get a cat. It’s simple.

My friend returned a kitten because it cried at night and peed on the carpet. Not sure what she expected!,

Your dog killed two kittens and two chickens?? For goodness sake muzzle it and get it trained before it hurts a child. You are not doing this dog any favours

Some types of dog, notably terriers and sighthounds, have a very high prey drive. It's what they're bred for and serves a useful purpose in pest control. "Training" them not to do it is as futile as trying to train a human not to breathe.

It needs to be dealt with by management: by ensuring that the dog is never off lead in the presence of small furry things that are pets or livestock and not pests.

For 20 years I lived with terriers with a high prey drive. At one time, I was finding a rat or two dead in the garden most days. Far cheaper than Rentokil and kinder than the poison they use. They also had a pretty high strike rate with rabbits, which they would then eat.

They never, ever went after a pet or poultry because I was careful to make sure that they were on a lead when walking near houses or in farmyards or other places where there might be cats or or poultry. Cats knew better than to venture into our garden.

Sadly, they are no longer with us and I can't get another as I'm waiting for some surgery. But I'll be delighted when I can, and next door's cat will no longer be killing the birds in my garden.

You will get massively flamed, but here is my question: do your DC and DH clean up, deodorise and participate in litter training the cat they want so much? If you are the one dealing with the mess and destruction of your property, then no, YANBU. They want to keep the cat, they spend their spare time ensuring its health and care.

*I don't get people who refuse to keep an animal with behavioural problems. You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

Because cats and children are a direct equivalent, aren't they?*

To some people

If my parents had returned a stray cat who had made a home with us I would never have forgiven them. It looks like she’s been through lots of stress. Ask the cattery what she did there. Seek professional cat behaviourist. And as previously mentioned , tell your children to clean up. It’s nit just diwn to you to clean

Do you play with your cat on a daily basis? When we had new cats who were stressed getting laser pointer type toys and the things on fishing poles and playing for ten minutes every morning and evening did them the world of good.

@Hoppinggreen

So you stuck the poor thing in a cattery for 10 weeks and then are surprised she’s upset and disturbed?

My thoughts too.

@Porcupineintherough

Lots of cat lovers will tell you that you owe it to your cat to tolerate its incontinence for the next 15 years. But I wouldnt.

I know I didn't and I honestly don't care what others think. It's horrible to live with and our cat had other cognitive issues. I couldn't do it once our children started crawling, so I'm afraid the cat went. The relief was immense and I don't regret a thing. This was 30 years ago.

Could she live outdoors? Or is there someone else you know who could keep her as an outdoor cat? She doesn’t necessarily have to go back to the rspca. You could find her a home with a cat lover who has experience with this kind of thing maybe?

I’d make her a totally outdoor cat.
Catflap in a shed or garage and a bed out there.

You've done all you can and it can't go on. Back to the RSPCA.

Sounds like the cat is reclaiming her territory now she's back home.

10 weeks in a cattery, that wasn't a holiday that was practically re homed and now she's been re homed AGAIN coming back to you.

Has she got high places to escape to? This makes a huge difference to some cats, a really tall cat tree works so well.

Does she go outside?

Does she have Cystaid daily?

Does she have two litter boxes?

Limiting her to a certain area of the house is a good suggestion.

I doubt she was happy in a cattery for 10 weeks- just the fact you did this kind of shows you aren't in tune with having a cat to be honest, they get unsettled so easily.

@Hellvelyn
Veterinary nurse and cat enthusiast chiming in here.

Those saying the simple answer is to have her PTS are honestly shocking me so much. She doesn’t add value to your life so she may as well die? Christ. There should absolutely be a list of people who are not suitable to have pets.

Let me tell you that having a pet PTS when it isn’t on medical grounds will haunt you for a long time.

Disturbances can absolutely cause cats to urinate inappropriately, it’s good you had her checked out for medical reasons but seems like that is a dead end.

You said she was better in the chattery. What does the cattery have that you don’t? Perches? Safe space that isn’t frequently disturbed? Pet safe/ non fragranced cleaning products? Smaller enclosure?

Have you considered moving valuable items out of the conservatory and having that as her space? Is this feasible?

The links @Veterinari posted are definitely worth a gander and a cat behaviourist definitely would be worth a look.

www.catvetbehaviourist.com/
Monica is a fantastic Vet who often locums at the London Cat Clinic, she is a wonderful behaviourist that does consultations. She also has an Instagram page you may want to look at.

It’s not just about your needs, it’s about hers too.

Part of signing over a pet to a rehoming centre does include euthanasia if they are not rehomed/ suitable for rehoming. Bare this in mind.

Do you clean/do your dch clean her poo from the litter tray immediately? My friend's cat won't pee in the litter tray if it's already soiled.

There's a good cat bloke on YouTube called Jaxon ....somebody, the name escapes me. There are usually such simple solutions to dreadfully unhappy cats. Worth having a look.