To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

She’s trying to claim territory and safe space- ours was a rescue with behavioural issues and even though we bought her a lovely bed to try and give her some space, she ignored it- she loved to be up high on window sills etc, some cats need high perches to feel safe, so we got her a massive tower and a couple of window perches so she could have her own space up high in each room downstairs. Made a really big difference.

I don't like cats enough to put up with this. I'd get rid but I'm probably harsher than most people.....

Did you ask the cattery how she did at going in her litter box while she was there?

I’m sorry to hear this. What a pain. My cats are old and I know well how expensive and mucky it gets!! But you can’t send her back to the RSPCA. They’ll probably euthanise it and your children won’t forget it. They’re right - she is part of the family.

What I suggest is that you limit the cat’s access to your house. Mine are allowed in the garden and kitchen (washable floor), - that’s it unless I’m with them. This is because of the amount of cat vomit. You’ve just done an extension, perhaps you can find an area of the house where she can have a catflap to the garden but not go elsewhere?

She may be unsettled for quite a while after the build.

It sounds as though taking on a rescue animal is like taking on a foster child. More behaviour problems and attachment issues and only for those with lots of time and patience and with cats no sense of smell. I'm not surprised most people prefer getting a kitten or a puppy from a reputable breeder

When at the cattery she was a bit hit and miss ( literally) with the litter tray. She doesn't squat like a girl cat usually does. She lifts her tail and sticks her bottom in the air as if spraying, but a wee comes out. She "overshoots" the back of all standard trays so my dh bought a huge lidded storage box and adapted it for her to use. When she's inside she can move around and everything is contained.

Why would the cinnamon trust take her? It’s not a general charity, isn’t it for elderly or ill people needing help with their animals?

I sympathise with you. We “inherited” an elderly cat from our neighbour when he went into a home. The cat peed everywhere (it had when the elderly couple were around too). It peed on kitchen work surfaces, the bookshelf (ruining several old books) and the dining table just as friends were coming round to eat. Plus just about every carpet we had. It reeked! We tried everything for a good year. In the end we had her quietly put to sleep in her basket at home. She was18. I felt pretty bad at the time, but she didn’t know anything. The vet was quite understanding about it. We have stables and a lot of people thought we should’ve put her in a spare stable, but she’d been a house cat all her life and had a short coat. I thought that would’ve been more cruel.

I often wonder why these cats are up for rehoming in the first place. Possibly because it was incontinent already?

As for people saying the RSPCA are notorious for PTS, this is absolutely not true. But even if it was, is it really the worst thing to put a cat to sleep who will realistically never be rehomed or settled? To keep it locked up in a cage for the rest of its life?

this is never a popular view here, but often there are in fact worse fates than an animal being PTS.

@Hoppinggreen

So you stuck the poor thing in a cattery for 10 weeks and then are surprised she’s upset and disturbed?

Quite. This was an already traumatised cat and now you’re wondering why she’s acting like a very traumatised cat.

Ffs people really are arrogant and clueless.

OP don't let anyone guilt trip you that you are passing the wrong message to your kids . Then you leave the cat until it destroys something irreplaceable and you act out worse.

Try and see if you can work out more ways to see if the cat can be better. The 10 weeks thing may have affected it more??who knows

Regardless you have been a good parent by getting the cat for your DC. Please do what's best for you. If you have to return the cat explain to your DC why so they can see reason

I understand how they feel but sometimes we can't have it our way all the time

@Honeyroar. The cinnamon trust isn’t just for help. They have houses with human staff where cats and dogs live out their remaining days. They would not have to find a permanent home. They also do long term fostering.

Ok I had this.

Are there a lot of other cats locally? Usually spraying is stress/territory related, and if there are other cats around that exacerbates it.

We tried everything. For years. What worked for us in the end was anti anxiety/depression medication. Worth discussing with your vet and giving it a try?

Our new cat is a girl and she has useless aim! She doesn’t spray but we’ve had to buy a massive tray as well or she just pees on the floor behind the box.

Just get her put down, rather than forcing her to endure 3 weeks in an rspca cattery before they do it.

Will people PLEASE stop saying that the RSPCA would euthanise her. I work at an RSPCA cattery. WE WOULD NOT DO THIS.

Never get a pet again. I’m tired of these posts about people who have no clue how to look after animals

@AlternativePerspective

In 2018 the rspca were asked where 70,000 unaccounted animals went. They were not rehomed. They couldn’t provide an answer. It was a freedom of information request.

This would be enough for me if I didn’t know they have shelters which have a 7 day or pts sleep policy. We have rehomed several dogs which were on day seven to save them. A local shelter makes the rounds of kill
Shelters to try and save as many as they can.

So you moved an already traumatised cat to a cautery for 10 weeks, and now you're confused as to why she's unsettled again?

Dumb.

She will be put to sleep if you send her back, the RSPCA are notorious for this.

Your children will probably never forgive you for this.

Go through another organisation. Your cat deserves a better owner and a better life. You've uprooted her from all the things she was familiar with, and now you're about to do it again.

I hope she's third time lucky with a new owner, poor thing.

@TamzinGrey

Will people PLEASE stop saying that the RSPCA would euthanise her. I work at an RSPCA cattery. WE WOULD NOT DO THIS.

When I worked for a dog and cat rescue, we would go around to take as many day 7 dogs and cats as we could because they were going to be euthanised otherwise.

I'm guessing you aren't management? Majority of the people don't realise this, but it's well known that they do this sort of thing regularly. There was an inquiry not so long ago and thousands of animals whereabouts were unaccounted for.

As of the time of this comment, I myself have rescued/adopted three very different cats, albeit none of them from the RSPCA.
The first cat was the runt of the litter and wasn't getting food as mummy cat and grandma cat were both stealing the food. It later died from a urinary tract infection at a year old.
The second cat was run over, rescued/adopted by another individual, kept as a plaything for that individuals child and then I rescued/adopted it. It now happily hunts mice for fun without any worries or issues.
The third cat was infested with fleas, had lacerations all around it's neck from a collar too tight, was malnourished, had separation anxiety and more. It now loves affection of any kind and has become it's own alarm clock.

If there's anything I've learned over the years during which I've had and still have these cats, it's that when rescuing/adopting any animal, you NEED to be prepared to support it irregardless of what it's doing.

Your intentions may have been good when you rescued/adopted this cat, but it doesn't sound like you thought through fully the commitment you were taking on board. While I DON'T think you're being unreasonable to insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA, as this cat could probably benefit from someone that could support it better, I DO think you've been unreasonable to stop someone else from giving this cat a better chance earlier on without considering what adopting/rescuing it would fully entail.

You’re not being unreasonable at all, OP. There is no point keeping an animal that does not add to the quality of your life - that means any behavioural or hygiene issues. In this case you have both rolled into one. Your children are of an age where they should understand it’s causing their parents undue stress and hassle and a significant sum in vets’ bills. For a whole household to pivot around a cat’s spraying habits means those habits are out of all proportion. You have to be hard-headed and unsentimental when it comes to animals sharing your lives - you can love them without them ruling the roost, which isn’t appropriate.

My elderly parents had the elderly family dog PTS after incontinence became established with doggy dementia. It was the right thing to do because the poor thing had no quality of life and neither did my parents as their lives pivoted around accident prevention/clearance and it was adding to the burden of a house already too much for them. Not saying you’re doing or need to do anything so drastic, but just as an example of how the whole family dynamic has to be addressed in these situations. If the kids want to keep kitty and have a frazzled Mum then you’re teaching them that Mum ranks below animals in the household. That is not right, and it will delay their understanding that their parents are people in their own right.

@Hellvelyn

When at the cattery she was a bit hit and miss ( literally) with the litter tray. She doesn't squat like a girl cat usually does. She lifts her tail and sticks her bottom in the air as if spraying, but a wee comes out. She "overshoots" the back of all standard trays so my dh bought a huge lidded storage box and adapted it for her to use. When she's inside she can move around and everything is contained.

One of ours rarely hits the litter box. She gets in there, but we end up cleaning up after her most of the time. Would we get rid of her based on that? No. She's been with us for over 10 years now. She is indeed, part of our family.

I don't get people who refuse to keep an animal with behavioural problems. You wouldn't insist on handing back a child, would you??

@TamzinGrey

Will people PLEASE stop saying that the RSPCA would euthanise her. I work at an RSPCA cattery. WE WOULD NOT DO THIS.

Seriously? 40 rabbits and 23 cats in one day was my record when there.

Could you adapt dog nappies to work?

@TamzinGrey the rspca had tons of branches. Just because yours doesn’t put animals to sleep does not l mean other branches don’t either.

@TamzinGrey really? Because the RSPCA most definitely DO do this.