AIBU for not telling husband to pick up both kids?

[ViceLikeBlip]

TL:DR husband offered to do school run this arvo. He forgot one of our kids. He is now (very angrily) claiming that this is all my fault for not telling him exactly how many kids to pick up. AIBU for thinking he should be able to remember how many fucking kids he has for himself?!

Details: I'm stuck home with 8yo isolating, so I needed someone to pick up the 10yo and the 5yo from school. I'd found someone for the 5yo, but I was struggling with the 10yo (all the Yr 5 parents I'm friendly with also have yr3 kids isolating). I didn't really want to ask the first mum to pick up both my kids, because yr5 finish 20 mins later than reception, and I felt bad asking her to hang around for an extra 20 mins in the baking sun.

So I asked my husband for our neighbour's number as they have a granddaughter in yr5.

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". He very unexpectedly replied "don't worry, I can leave work early". I replied "will you go straight to school?" just to check that he meant he was going to do the school run, and he said "yes, straight to school", so I texted my friend and said thanks very much but actually I didn't need her to get the 5yo after all. Husband then picked up 10yo, but completely forgot about 5yo.

Now, in my first msg I hadn't mentioned 5yo at all, because I wasn't actually asking my husband to do the school run. Should I have at this point messaged back "and don't forget the 5yo also exists"?!! Fwiw husband does the school run once a week every week, just not normally Tuesday, but the arrangements on the day he does normally do it are identical to Tuesdays (ie no one has any after school clubs or anything. 5yo never has any after school clubs)

Even those of you who would have forseen this exact situation happening, and who would have reminded him of the other child, do you actually believe its my FAULT for not reminding him?

I'm on your side OP.

1. He was not helping, they are his kids and women up and down the country have had to make to work concessions to cater for isolating/home schooling kids.

1. He could have engaged his brain.

Yeah, your communication could have been better but I assume he's a grown up, in a grown up job that is perfectly capable of asking a clarifying question.

[quote rishisboater]@ViceLikeBlip they're being mean. Often when a poster gets tons of YABU they get the thread deleted.

I think you've been very gracious [/quote]
You don’t know, after a few hours of this OP might get thread deleted yet 😂

Nah sorry I'm with your DH too, sounded like you only wanted him to collect the 10yo

I think it's a bit of both. I would have expected you to make it clear that it was both children but as you didn't I think he should have checked.

Delete, delete delete
You must never show your husband that MN agree he was right and you were wrong
He will remind you about it when you are in your 80s 😂😂😂

@ViceLikeBlip

Ps even though I'm massively outnumbered here, I'm still not sure I can quite bring myself to apologise to him though 🤣🤣 Maybe if he stops yelling at me I might think about it......

Now that is a problem

You’ve both made assumptions. The grown up thing would be to apologise to each other

There was miscommunication on both sides - it would've taken him ten seconds to ask 'does 5yo need picking up too?' but equally it also would've taken you ten seconds to say 'great thanks, I've cancelled 5yo's plans can you pick them up too while you're there?'

Like, if I'd texted a friend the same thing, I'd never have expected them to also automatically get the 5yo. Although actually, I know every single one of them would have asked "and is 5yo sorted?". But these are his own children?!

YAbothBU

You only told him the 10 year old needed picking up, it sounds like you’d made other arrangements for the 5 year old.

But he should’ve asked about the 5 year old as why would you get someone else to do you a favour if he was going to be there 20 minutes later and might as well just get both children. Save the favours from other parents for when you’re really stuck!

You're equally at fault as the communication from you both was poor.

He assumed from your message that the 5YO was sorted and didnt need collecting.
You assumed he would get them both and cancelled the person collecting the 5YO.

You both assumed, but neither clarified.

@IGiveUpWithSomePeople

Delete, delete delete You must never show your husband that MN agree he was right and you were wrong He will remind you about it when you are in your 80s 😂😂😂

Oh shit, I didn't think of this. And not even ONE ltb. Gutted.

I'm torn. My DH would have said 'what about the 5yr old?' But your message was misleading really. I would have replied, 'oh good I'll tell X not to collect 5yr old then if you are going"

@ViceLikeBlip

Like, if I'd texted a friend the same thing, I'd never have expected them to also automatically get the 5yo. Although actually, I know every single one of them would have asked "and is 5yo sorted?". But these are his own children?!

But you said the 5 year old was sorted and the 10 year old needed picking up?

You then cancelled the 5 year old being sorted.

Yeah, your communication could have been better but I assume he's a grown up, in a grown up job that is perfectly capable of asking a clarifying question.

Are you not assuming the OP is also a grown up, in a grown up job that is perfectly capable of sending a clear text message?

Oh definitely LTB

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE FIVE YEAR OLD??????

Definitely your fault.

When he said I'll go straight from work, I would have said, "OK but be there for Xpm as the 5yo needs getting too and I'll tell Julie not to get 5yo afterall"

@ViceLikeBlip

Like, if I'd texted a friend the same thing, I'd never have expected them to also automatically get the 5yo. Although actually, I know every single one of them would have asked "and is 5yo sorted?". But these are his own children?!

Your friends must be super mums. I’m a woman and I wouldn’t ask because when I’m on your situation I’d always clarify. But then again I’m not the ‘default parent’ who carries the mental load and if it’s something DP normally does he’s responsible for clarifying as am I when it’s my turn.

I’m more worried/baffled by the fact that he’s yelling at you and you still won’t apologise. If you make a big deal out of everything that’s your fault your marriage isn’t going to last.

Why would he not ask if he needed to pick up 5 yr old too?
I bet all of you agreeing with dh would have at least enquires about 5 yr old if you’d all been in this situation.

He went to the school where both of his children go and it didn’t even cross his mind to check his younger child was being picked up? If you had arranged for someone else to pick 5yr old up then common sense would say that you would have told him that. If he was going to the school anyway what logic would there be in you arranging for another person to pick up 5 year old when their DAD is already at the school! This sounds like something that would happen to me, I think he’s 💯 wrong and OP has not been the unreasonable one.

You cannot put your poor wording into someone else.

If a plan is only going to work out because the other person has to text and clarify the situation, then it is a very poorly worded plan.

This isn't his school run day. You said 10 year old needed picked up. He agreed to leave work early enough to pick up 10 year old. He was at work; I wouldn't have spent my time at work texting to ask if the other kids were sorted because, as their other parent, if the other child also needed picked up at a different them then you would have told me that. You wouldn't assume I would leave work an extra 20 minutes early when you hadn't actually said it was needed.

If I was at work, and having to leave early because no one could pick up my 10 year old then I would do it no problem. But I wouldn't leave 20 minutes earlier than that if someone else was able to pick up the 5 year old and drop them off at home. It would he a waste of my work time, as someone else had already been sorted out.

If you were going to pick up one child why on Earth would you assume you would inconvenience someone else to pick up the other?

@Cavagirl

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE FIVE YEAR OLD??????

@Cavagirl

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE FIVE YEAR OLD??????

Tell us!!!

@rishisboater Why is your husband yelling at you though? If he started yelling at you after realising one child was left behind, I'd consider that reaction unreasonable. Mistakes happen.

However, if you had a go at him and started yelling at him first, then I'd consider you to be the one acting unreasonably.