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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not telling husband to pick up both kids?

403 replies

ViceLikeBlip · 20/07/2021 16:33

TL:DR husband offered to do school run this arvo. He forgot one of our kids. He is now (very angrily) claiming that this is all my fault for not telling him exactly how many kids to pick up. AIBU for thinking he should be able to remember how many fucking kids he has for himself?!

Details: I'm stuck home with 8yo isolating, so I needed someone to pick up the 10yo and the 5yo from school. I'd found someone for the 5yo, but I was struggling with the 10yo (all the Yr 5 parents I'm friendly with also have yr3 kids isolating). I didn't really want to ask the first mum to pick up both my kids, because yr5 finish 20 mins later than reception, and I felt bad asking her to hang around for an extra 20 mins in the baking sun.

So I asked my husband for our neighbour's number as they have a granddaughter in yr5.

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". He very unexpectedly replied "don't worry, I can leave work early". I replied "will you go straight to school?" just to check that he meant he was going to do the school run, and he said "yes, straight to school", so I texted my friend and said thanks very much but actually I didn't need her to get the 5yo after all. Husband then picked up 10yo, but completely forgot about 5yo.

Now, in my first msg I hadn't mentioned 5yo at all, because I wasn't actually asking my husband to do the school run. Should I have at this point messaged back "and don't forget the 5yo also exists"?!! Fwiw husband does the school run once a week every week, just not normally Tuesday, but the arrangements on the day he does normally do it are identical to Tuesdays (ie no one has any after school clubs or anything. 5yo never has any after school clubs)

Even those of you who would have forseen this exact situation happening, and who would have reminded him of the other child, do you actually believe its my FAULT for not reminding him?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 20/07/2021 16:40

Yeah I would have assumed it was only the 10 year old as well

Megasausagehead · 20/07/2021 16:40

Sorry OP Yabu

You should have told him you cancelled the 5yo arrangement

Sadiecow · 20/07/2021 16:41

YABU he was leaving work early enough to pick up the year 5 and not the 20 mins earlier to pick up the 5 year old.

Cavagirl · 20/07/2021 16:41

@Myneighboursnorlax

From your initial paragraph I would have said he was to blame. But your explanation says quite clearly that you only told him the 10 year old needed picking up. I would have also assumed the younger child was sorted.
This

What happened to the 5 yo??? Are they OK??

Legoninjago1 · 20/07/2021 16:41

Yabu OP sorry.

chipsandpeas · 20/07/2021 16:41

im with your DH on this one as well, you only mentioned the 10yo in the message

Clymene · 20/07/2021 16:42

@ViceLikeBlip

But I never asked him to pick up anyone! He was the one who said he'd leave work early and do the school run. If he was at school doing the school run, why would he expect someone else to pick up the 5yo? They're at the same school, in the same playground!
The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school".

This implies that someone else was collecting 5 year old. Which they were. It's on you that you cancelled them without telling him. And as you said, they get out at different times so it's not like he walked straight past your reception kid without noticing them.

Topofthepopicles · 20/07/2021 16:42

@GrandTheftWalrus

I can see where there is confusion but you should've made sure that he knew to get both kids. To me the message reads to only pick up the older one.
Normally I would side with you but the message is a bit confusing. I would also have assumed that 5yr old was doing something else, but would have checked probably to clarify.
Legoninjago1 · 20/07/2021 16:42

@ViceLikeBlip

But I never asked him to pick up anyone! He was the one who said he'd leave work early and do the school run. If he was at school doing the school run, why would he expect someone else to pick up the 5yo? They're at the same school, in the same playground!
But this is what you said:

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school".

AlmostSummer21 · 20/07/2021 16:43

Yes, sorry, you said you were looking for a a collection for the 10 yo, not 'the kids' so I would assume the 5yo had a play date or something.

Although, I would have asked what the arrangements were for the 5yo, but that's me, I don't think it's terrible he assumed you had that covered (as you did until you cancelled it - which is also understandable

Why did he get angry though? Did you shout at him, call him an idiot, accuse him of forgetting he had a 5 yo?

Here we'd just laugh at our joint mistake/stupidity and go and collect the 5yo

Why the drama?

Costumeidea · 20/07/2021 16:43

Awaiting the outing deletion message in 3….2…..

Your DH was right here.

wanderedlonelyasacloud · 20/07/2021 16:43

Hmm from your TLDR I would say YANBU but when I read that you mentioned the 10 year old by name then I think you're not exactly BU but you're not NOT unreasonable either if that makes any sense.

It's just a lack of communication from both of you and probably a lack of thinking on his part, but of course he shouldn't be furious with you especially knowing you're isolating.

HugeAckmansWife · 20/07/2021 16:43

yeah bit unclear on both sides but then why is it not equally the H job to ask, or anticipate that the OP is isolating with the 8yo and something will need sorting. The general tone is that its the OPs job and she wasn't clear enough. As equal parents he absolutely should have checked and not just assumed - I bet a million pounds any one of the mums on here would have said "what about 5yo?" and NOT just assumed that the other parent had sorted it.

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2021 16:43

Your title is misleading I'm afraid. You did tell him you needed someone to pick up the 10yo specifically, that's what he did.

Fiddliestofsticks · 20/07/2021 16:43

I wanted to be on your side after your summary, but after ready all the details, I can't be. This is your fault. You said you needed someone to pick up the 10 year old. He said he would do it.

You never mentioned the 5 year old needing collecting. It isn't his day to do it, so there is no "usually" about it. He said he would leave work early to pick up the older kid. All you said was "will you go straight to the school" and all he would take from that is "don't be late picking up the 10 year old".

For all he knew, you could have arranged a play date for the younger one or whatever. You never said anything about it. You were not clear. You said 10 year old needed picked up and that's what he offered to do. You're the one who then cancelled the 5 year old's lift. So yes, this is your fault.

Original poster
ViceLikeBlip · 20/07/2021 16:44

I can't imagine going to school, picking up one child, and not even CHECKING that the other one was sorted? I honestly believe he just completely forgot all about him. It's never ever happened before that someone else has had to pick up the 5yo, we literally never do playdates after school or anything.

OP posts:
ATowelAndAPotato · 20/07/2021 16:44

But he didn’t say he would do “the school run” and you didn’t ask him to. You specifically asked about the 10yo, and he said he could leave work and go straight to the school. You assumed that meant he would do “the school run”. He assumed he only needed to pick up the 10yo.

But let’s face it, we are all too hot and bothered and there’s no point making this a big argument. Just accept that there were assumptions both sides and move on! Flowers

SD1978 · 20/07/2021 16:44

Sorry- I'm with the. Ajority here, I'd read that as the 5 yr old was sorted, possibly a play date, and the only issue for the ten yr old.

rishisboater · 20/07/2021 16:45

I don't think he forgot the 5 year old. I can see how the miss understanding happened and he could have asked for clarification - I would have! But equally you could have said "so you'll collect them both"

warmfluffytowels · 20/07/2021 16:45

@ViceLikeBlip

But I never asked him to pick up anyone! He was the one who said he'd leave work early and do the school run. If he was at school doing the school run, why would he expect someone else to pick up the 5yo? They're at the same school, in the same playground!
But in your OP, you say this:

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". He very unexpectedly replied "don't worry, I can leave work early". I replied "will you go straight to school?" just to check that he meant he was going to do the school run, and he said "yes, straight to school"

So you said you were looking for someone to pick up the 10yo, and he replied saying he was available. You didn't mention the 5yo so why would he know he had to collect them too?

rishisboater · 20/07/2021 16:46

@ViceLikeBlip

But I never asked him to pick up anyone! He was the one who said he'd leave work early and do the school run. If he was at school doing the school run, why would he expect someone else to pick up the 5yo? They're at the same school, in the same playground!
He didn't say he'd do the school run though. He said not to worry about picking up the year 5 because he'd go
Tavannach · 20/07/2021 16:47

I think you should have mentioned the 5 year old - equally though he could have checked with you. I don't think he has any right to be very angry with you.

Horehound · 20/07/2021 16:47

I think you are in the wrong. You specifically mentioned the 10yr old and implied you'd sorted transport for the 5yr old. I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". That means 5 yr old is covered.

So you best go say sorry to your husband!

CastawayQueen · 20/07/2021 16:47

100% your fault OP. I’d assume that if someone said something they meant it and THEY didn’t forget they had another child.
God what an easy thread and for once the DH isn’t an idiot

Also £40 bet on this thread Beinf removed by 10p.m for being ‘outing’

rishisboater · 20/07/2021 16:47

And believe me - taking the man's side pains me to my core. I was desperately trying to find fault so I could tell you he was in the wrong Grin

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