AIBU for not telling husband to pick up both kids?

[ViceLikeBlip]

TL:DR husband offered to do school run this arvo. He forgot one of our kids. He is now (very angrily) claiming that this is all my fault for not telling him exactly how many kids to pick up. AIBU for thinking he should be able to remember how many fucking kids he has for himself?!

Details: I'm stuck home with 8yo isolating, so I needed someone to pick up the 10yo and the 5yo from school. I'd found someone for the 5yo, but I was struggling with the 10yo (all the Yr 5 parents I'm friendly with also have yr3 kids isolating). I didn't really want to ask the first mum to pick up both my kids, because yr5 finish 20 mins later than reception, and I felt bad asking her to hang around for an extra 20 mins in the baking sun.

So I asked my husband for our neighbour's number as they have a granddaughter in yr5.

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". He very unexpectedly replied "don't worry, I can leave work early". I replied "will you go straight to school?" just to check that he meant he was going to do the school run, and he said "yes, straight to school", so I texted my friend and said thanks very much but actually I didn't need her to get the 5yo after all. Husband then picked up 10yo, but completely forgot about 5yo.

Now, in my first msg I hadn't mentioned 5yo at all, because I wasn't actually asking my husband to do the school run. Should I have at this point messaged back "and don't forget the 5yo also exists"?!! Fwiw husband does the school run once a week every week, just not normally Tuesday, but the arrangements on the day he does normally do it are identical to Tuesdays (ie no one has any after school clubs or anything. 5yo never has any after school clubs)

Even those of you who would have forseen this exact situation happening, and who would have reminded him of the other child, do you actually believe its my FAULT for not reminding him?

I am with your dh. Sounds like the 5 yo gets out considerably earlier than your 10 yo. Why would he have presumed you’d expect school to keep your youngest for you until he showed up?

@GreyhoundG1rl

But I usually bring him in the car and then try and get someone else to just walk the kids round to my car, because I really hate imposing on people, and we don't live close to the school (and it's not a one off favour- there's always SOMEONE bloody isolating 🙄) Why was today different?

Because it was so hot, I didn't want the 8yo to have to sit in the car while I juggled the others, even with all the windows open etc. I would have saved myself several hours of arguing with strangers on the internet if I had just taken him in the car with me 🤣🤣

You made the "Presumptuous assumption" that he would, as co-parent at least ask about his 5 year old. Naughty.

@SoupDragon

But I usually bring him in the car

So, he isn't isolating at all then is he? Doesn't "isolating" meant, erm, "isolating"?

There is a lot of debate about this. Our own headteacher says it's fine so long as he doesn't get out of the car. But I've definitely seen other people say that's not OK. I've gone with what our Head says, largely because it's usually easiest for me.

But you had someone for the 5 yr old right? Someone to collect them?

You said you only needed someone for the 10 yr old.

I can't believe you were going to call in two separate favours because it was hot, op.
It was hot yesterday. It'll be hot tomorrow. Everybody else has to just keep getting out there 🤷🏻‍♀️
The self isolating thing is an irrelevancy if the head has expressly rubber stamped you having him in the car.

If you were also going to cancel your 5 year olds lift you should have clarified. Obviously he normally collects all three children but on this day he only needed to collect 10 year as 8 year old self isolating and someone else was collecting 5 year old.

OP i’ve switched allegiances to you as well after initially voting you were BU. Reason being that he was literally at the same school so why would he think someone else would take his other child. Makes no sense. Also, not lie the 5 year old got stranded, the teacher accosted him right? So no real harm done other than his mild
embarrassment.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

You made the "Presumptuous assumption" that he would, as co-parent at least ask about his 5 year old. Naughty.

The presumptuous assumption that he would assume she had cancelled plans she had made. Please don't misrepresent my comment with your own interpretation.

@SilverRoe

OP i’ve switched allegiances to you as well after initially voting you were BU. Reason being that he was literally at the same school so why would he think someone else would take his other child. Makes no sense. Also, not lie the 5 year old got stranded, the teacher accosted him right? So no real harm done other than his mild embarrassment.

Because the last he had heard from his wife, somebody else WAS picking the 5yo up. There's absolutely no reason for him to expect to need to go against that arrangement without a prior conversation.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I can't believe you were going to call in two separate favours because it was hot, op. It was hot yesterday. It'll be hot tomorrow. Everybody else has to just keep getting out there 🤷🏻‍♀️ The self isolating thing is an irrelevancy if the head has expressly rubber stamped you having him in the car.

Huh, this is interesting. Everyone else disagrees with me because I shouldn't have cancelled the favour (even though the child's own parent was going to be at that same school picking up his other child) but you disagree with me because I never should have called in the favour in the first place 🤣🤣🤣

FWIW Husband did yesterday (it was his day) and I've roped my mum in to do tomorrow (it's her day off tomorrow, she was not an option for today). And I really do think it's too hot to be sitting in a car for 20 mins at the moment (maybe it's not quite as hot where you are, maybe I should specify that my car doesn't have aircon). Like I said, I really do hate to take the piss with asking for favours, but honestly the conditions today warranted it.

I and majority of people I know would probably use their brain cells and ask about the 5 year old
OP could have used those same BrAiN cElLs to inform her husband that the 5 year old was being picked up by a friend but she had cancelled it so husband could pick him up so could he get there 20 minutes earlier than he was intending to so he could pick them both up (without even checking that additional 20 minutes was ok, which is rather presumptive). Instead she sloppily said “are you going straight to the school” which to any normal functioning human means “are you going straight to school from work to collect x child at time and not stopping in between” rather than the magical other hidden meaning “are you going to school at the earlier time to collect the younger child too” the obvious meaning of straight to school

Ifd read it as "pick up 10 yo, ive made plans for 5 yo" which may well include a paly date etc that they're looking forward to. I'd have said great and clarified could he get 5 yo too

So if it's too hot for your 8 year old to sit in the car @ViceLikeBlip, why can't you pick up the five year old, then your DH pick up the 10 year old.

After all, it's too hot for a five year old to be standing round waiting for the 10 year old surely?

"Awaits the fact that you can find no shade for the car, you have no air con and the school grounds have perfect shading for the 5 year old to stand around"

Just reading a few more comments. Maybe I should have specified in my OP that the texting between me and my husband happened late morning, and he said he could leave work at 2, which would very comfortably have got him to school for the 5yo. I still don't understand why he would assume that someone else was still going to pick up his 5yo, when he very comfortably had time to do it himself. I do see how some people might assume the 5yo had a play date lined up or something, but we've literally not done a single after school playdate for any of our kids since the Days of Yore (aka pre-covid)

If I was called in to do a favour (picking up a child from school) then got there and saw a parent of said child at the school BUT NOT PICKING HIM UP I would think they were a complete CF.

For that reason alone, DH should have immediately suggested getting both kids.

If he is on the premises anyway, why on earth would he expect someone to do a favour by collecting his child.

That's just bizarre and piss-taking.

@Myneighboursnorlax

From your initial paragraph I would have said he was to blame. But your explanation says quite clearly that you only told him the 10 year old needed picking up. I would have also assumed the younger child was sorted.

This is exactly how I read it too. Sorry OP you're full explanation means YABU. You're wrong and your husband is right

You're determined to demonstrate that none of this was your doing, op . Stop digging.

@Sadiecow

So if it's too hot for your 8 year old to sit in the car *@ViceLikeBlip*, why can't you pick up the five year old, then your DH pick up the 10 year old.

After all, it's too hot for a five year old to be standing round waiting for the 10 year old surely?

"Awaits the fact that you can find no shade for the car, you have no air con and the school grounds have perfect shading for the 5 year old to stand around"

Yes, this absolutely could have been an option, probably the best option of all. I didn't even think of this. Usually by the time I get the 5yo then go the long way through the covid one way system to get the 8yo, then go all the way back round the one way system again to get the 10yo, there isn't actually any waiting round. So it's never even occurred to me to have two different parents doing "the same" school run.

Ah OP, they're only telling you YABU for their own entertainment. You clearly are not being unreasonable. Had you come on and said YOU'D forgotten to pick your dc up, you'd also get the pile on.

@Wheelz46

Your message was misleading so I can totally see why the 5 year old didn't get picked up.

If its any consolation, I asked my partner what he would do if I sent him a text asking him to pick our 10 year old up, he said he would message me back saying, have you forgotten we have a 7 year old too or is he sleeping at school for night 🤣

🤣🤣🤣

20 minutes to collect the kids? Why can't the 10 year old meet you at the gate?

You asked husband to pick up 10 or old and then asked if he was going straight to the school.
That message is clear.

You messed up, not your husband

YANBU, OP.

If the roles were reversed and the husband had have said "can you pick up Tarquinius', to the wife, you can bet she would have said "what about Gwendoline?".

Women, innit - we see the big picture!!!

Well that's a drip feed, you had such a detailed conversation @ViceLikeBlip that he didn't just say he'd collect 10 year old, he actually told you what time he was leaving to do it.

Well he must truly have forgotten you've got a five year old then, no other reason!

So it wasn't don't worry I can leave early, it was don't worry I can leave work at 2, leading you to believe he actually remembered that he had a five year old?