Page 12 | To involve strangers in a meal train?

ChockaChick · 2021-07-20T01:21:48+00:00

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

JudgeJ · 20/07/2021 22:39

I've done something like this as a volunteer cook for a charity that prepared and delivered meals for very ill people

There's a world of difference between doing this for people who are ill and doing it merely because someone has a baby, that's hardly rocket science and I speak as someone who had two babies overseas with no outside 'support'.

2Rebecca · 20/07/2021 22:40

Never heard of this. Seems unnecessary in an era of microwave meals beans on toast and pasta and pesto. If you have no friends or family at all you could order easy to cook food online. I couldn't be bothered for cooking for people I don't know on a regular basis. I used to want to live in a commune but now it sounds like hell

Original poster

ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 23:00

I love the reply about the HV maybe having been given some sort of ‘community engagement’ target.

I’m wondering now if I perhaps got the wrong end of the stick somehow. She asked if we’d met the neighbours here yet and I said just the two couples nextdoor very briefly and that they seemed nice. She then said, ‘Perhaps you could get a meal train going in the road.’ She maybe meant I could drop heavy hints that one of them could organise it? Although I’m not sure that’s any better, coercing some virtual stranger into taking on that kind of burden? I’m not getting the impression it’s that kind of street anyway where people even know each other behind their immediate neighbours.

Unfortunately I developed an infection postpartum which has slowed my recovery. However I am not short of family support and definitely don’t think this entitles me to free meals from strangers!!

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/07/2021 23:07

Hope you recover soon, op. But really, don't do it...

Lockdownbear · 20/07/2021 23:25

Hope you get better soon.
Goodness knows what she was thinking but I think you know its a daft idea. Although I'd be half tempted to ask her more about the "meal train" idea and ask how you get it started 🤔 just for the entertainment 😉

Take your time to get to know the neighbours in a more normal an natural fashion.

cherish123 · 20/07/2021 23:30

Confused! Why would you ask.a neighbour to cook for you?

cherish123 · 20/07/2021 23:34

Just realised HV is Health Visitor. She/he sounds a bit odd. Presumably if neither of you were able to cook you would just buy salads for a day or saw. I definitely would ask anyone to cook for me (nor would I want to eat it)

Original poster

ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 23:36

@Lockdownbear

Hope you get better soon. Goodness knows what she was thinking but I think you know its a daft idea. Although I'd be half tempted to ask her more about the "meal train" idea and ask how you get it started 🤔 just for the entertainment 😉

Take your time to get to know the neighbours in a more normal an natural fashion.

I’m tempted to see if she’d be up for organising it herself. Bet she wouldn’t!

OP posts:

ConfusedBear · 20/07/2021 23:45

She must surely be confused about what a meal train is? Before reading this thread I'd have guessed it was either where you had every course at a different house or where you had meals at different houses on different days. Which, if you did want to meet your neighbours, you could start by hosting the first one.

EishetChayil · 20/07/2021 23:47

The HV needs to stop suggesting this to new parents.

The very idea of asking neighbours I barely know to make meals for me makes me clench my bum in horror!

StoneofDestiny · 20/07/2021 23:53

Never heard of it, but wouldn't want anything to do with it either. Eating meals cooked in strangers home when you've no idea of their cooking ability or hygiene standards.
Besides - what's wrong with ready meals if you feel having a baby incapacitates you from doing normal things?

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/07/2021 23:54

@EishetChayil

The HV needs to stop suggesting this to new parents.

The very idea of asking neighbours I barely know to make meals for me makes me clench my bum in horror!

Surely nobody has ever actually done it? "Hi, I'm new around here and I've just had a baby, so I'm going to have to ask you to make my dinner on Tuesday.
I'll get her at no. 12 to do Wednesday, and no. 9 can choose between Thursday and Friday; can you recommend anyone for the rest of the fortnight?" It is just not normal.

Lockdownbear · 21/07/2021 00:04

Greyhound exactly its just not normal.
Its 100x worse than someone organising their own baby shower.

I can see how it would work in a church or other community group. The busybody / organiser can either ask for volunteers or they know who to approach and who already has enough on their plate.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 21/07/2021 05:54

Besides - what's wrong with ready meals if you feel having a baby incapacitates you from doing normal things?

I’ve never understood this either.
The amount of processed ‘ready to eat’ food bought and consumed day to day by most of the country is astounding.
Just look at what supermarkets, takeaways and cafes sell!

But no, the minute someone has a new baby they and their DH lose all ability to feed themselves and require a family sized home cooked cottage pie cooked by neighbours (they don’t even know) to be delivered piping hot to their door.

It’s batshit. The HV is batshit.

VestaTilley · 21/07/2021 10:50

I’ve never heard this expression before.

Your HV clearly meant well, but it’s absolutely not something you can ask of strangers.

By all means ask friends and family to help if you need it, but not new neighbours!

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 10:59

To be honest though, if a neighbour came to my door and said they were really struggling could I make them a meal, I’d do it as a one off but try to see if I could find more practical help. From did they just need a shop done for some ready meals, as they had no time/ability or did they need food bank vouchers as they had no money.

I’d consider it a desperate act, becayse no one would go round asking their neighbours to feed them unless desperate.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/07/2021 11:24

I would be proper passive aggressive and cooked somwthing like sauerkraut goulash if I was asked and put on a spot by random person.
Muahahahahhaha

I wouldn't have a problem if a friend came and said common friend has a hard time and what about we help though.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/07/2021 11:27

I wouldn't have a problem if a friend came and said common friend has a hard time and what about we help though.
Well, exactly. Nobody would. But it's not remotely the same thing.

MollyMinniesMum · 21/07/2021 17:41

I’d want to see their kitchens first!

PumpkinKlNG · 21/07/2021 18:02

I think this is really nice, well the idea of it not the expectation just nice that they do it in other places. When I had my youngest I had an emcs and had a new born a 3 year old a 5 year old and a 6 year old, I was on my own as a lone parent (father not involved) and I didn’t even get so much as a congratulations off my neighbours, my neighbours aren’t very friendly so it’s nice to see communities caring about their neighbours, I would never expect it though and we live off takeaways for a long time!

Looubylou · 21/07/2021 18:12

Passed this by a few HV for you, one nearly choked on her lunch.

DreamTheMoors · 21/07/2021 18:16

@VimFuego101

This is an American thing, often organised through a church. I don't think it would go down well in the U.K.

My aunt & uncle got roped into providing several meals for a couple in their 80s who went to their church. Thing was, this couple was extremely wealthy, had a huge family and could’ve either hired help in or their family could’ve provided meals. Instead, because they were miserly, they let the good people of the church provide them with free food for at least three months. Auntie was beyond furious. Can’t say I blame her. They didn’t call it a meal train - they called it helping the “less fortunate”. Which is rich.

Mamanyt · 21/07/2021 18:22

I think it was a lovely thought and a good idea if you had lived there for years and knew and liked everyone involved. In fact, under those circumstances, they would probably be bringing meals anyway. That is not the case here, and it would be a bit odd. OK...more than a bit.

You are not being unreasonable, but tell HV that you appreciate the thought.

godmum56 · 21/07/2021 18:23

@ChockaChick

I love the reply about the HV maybe having been given some sort of ‘community engagement’ target.

I’m wondering now if I perhaps got the wrong end of the stick somehow. She asked if we’d met the neighbours here yet and I said just the two couples nextdoor very briefly and that they seemed nice. She then said, ‘Perhaps you could get a meal train going in the road.’ She maybe meant I could drop heavy hints that one of them could organise it? Although I’m not sure that’s any better, coercing some virtual stranger into taking on that kind of burden? I’m not getting the impression it’s that kind of street anyway where people even know each other behind their immediate neighbours.

Unfortunately I developed an infection postpartum which has slowed my recovery. However I am not short of family support and definitely don’t think this entitles me to free meals from strangers!!

yeah that was me....can you guess I have been forced to do some weird workshops in the NHS? :)

2bazookas · 21/07/2021 18:30

@Looubylou

Passed this by a few HV for you, one nearly choked on her lunch.

Visions of a gaggle of HV's stuffing their little hamster faces.... from a meal train provided by their clients.

"Next week, let's all tell the new Mums about the ancient tradition of filling goody bags for the HV. Just a bottle of wine, some Jo Malone candles and a pure silk scarf "