Page 13 | To involve strangers in a meal train?

ChockaChick · 2021-07-20T01:21:48+00:00

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

waitingpatientlyforspring · 21/07/2021 18:35

@VimFuego101

This is an American thing, often organised through a church. I don't think it would go down well in the U.K.

My brothers church does this (UK) but its not a new idea to them and those receiving take part at some point in the past or future.

It's not right to start it when you need it, you would start the idea when someone else needs it.

Did you not prepare meals that just needed heating up? My freezer was full of Bolognese, chilli and tomato sauce both times I gave birth, enough for a good few weeks. We never needed friends and family let alone strangers cook for us.

Cosybelles · 21/07/2021 18:35

@Pallisers

No you shouldn't do this. And your HV is a bit odd.

But I have done this living in the US - didn't call it a meal train but when families in our community - be that community, church, school, daycare, neighbours - are under stress, yes we cook and give meals to them. it is a real tradition here. It isn't a weird american thing - it is a very nice amerian thing.

This is so lovely. I don't think we have strong enough sense of community in those settings in the UK for that to happen. For example, if you heard that someone at daycare or school was having a hard time, I think the British would pretend they didn't know, to spare the person embarrassment. The exception is friends - if close friends have a baby, you might drop off food but it's not expected at all and they will probably try to refuse.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 21/07/2021 18:48

Yuck! It would go straight in the bin!

TempleofZoom · 21/07/2021 18:57

This is so lovely. I don't think we have strong enough sense of community in those settings in the UK for that to happen. For example, if you heard that someone at daycare or school was having a hard time, I think the British would pretend they didn't know, to spare the person embarrassment. The exception is friends - if close friends have a baby, you might drop off food but it's not expected at all and they will probably try to refuse.
I agree
I dont think people in the UK would be comfortable with the community/ village etc knowing their business.
Everyone talking about me/ interfering?
No thanks !

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/07/2021 19:00

Jeez. Is there never an end to 'women's' work? I was perfectly capable of cooking, showering and gasp, going out when I had a baby. Honest to god, just feed yourself! And if you're really desperate maybe the father of the baby could
rustle something up. Because surely him cooking isn't a new concept?

SeeYaBeYa · 21/07/2021 19:01

It sounds like a lovely idea but it doesn't happen in the UK so suggesting you set one up is nutso behaviour on your health visitor's part.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/07/2021 19:03

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn

Jeez. Is there never an end to 'women's' work? I was perfectly capable of cooking, showering and gasp, going out when I had a baby. Honest to god, just feed yourself! And if you're really desperate maybe the father of the baby could rustle something up. Because surely him cooking isn't a new concept?

This. As if two healthy grownups need to be looked after as though they were infants themselves just because they've brought a baby home.

Hankunamatata · 21/07/2021 19:04

In covid times I really dont think that's a good idea

bananaJamas · 21/07/2021 19:14

This has given me a flash back to the awful health visitors I had

We lived on crap for a few days / weeks. Pizza, chips, freezer food. It's fine

unluckysunset · 21/07/2021 19:24

Can you imagine..'hi new neighbour, which day suits you to cook me a meal? No 24 & no 30 are doing Mondays and Thursdays. Let me know and I'll send you a list of dietary requirements, my family and I can't wait to start sampling your culinary delights'

Seahorsemama · 21/07/2021 19:35

Just eat and Deliveroo
Never heard such nonsense as meal train… after 4 children and no help… you just get in with it

Madjakelmum · 21/07/2021 19:38

I can’t believe this is actually a thing! Sorry if someone came to me asking for a meal I’d tell them to Fuk off!!
Don’t have kids if you can’t afford to feed or cloth them or yourself!
Bloody rude IMO

Marriedatfirstyear · 21/07/2021 19:38

@habibihabibi

You are in Britain not some blue bayou backwater in Alabama, surely you just get Ocado ?

🤣🤣.

Exacctly! Practically every supermarket delivers now. Or batch cook and freeze way before due date. Unless actually ill or mh, the to & fro is actually good for you.

Seahorsemama · 21/07/2021 19:39

Just remember some HV.,. Didn’t even graduate as midwives or nurses… they just went straight in to the post graduate… years ago they needed to work as a qualified n/mw before applying for the HV public health course.

Elys3 · 21/07/2021 19:45

Yes the health visitor was doing a box ticking exercise and it was a silly suggestion. I think we are agreed on that, but meal trains can work amongst groups of friends. I am in the UK and although I have never heard it be called a meal train, they are not solely an American thing.

It’s not just about the food although it’s helpful, it’s connection with friends at a vulnerable time and the feelings of support it brings. I have cooked for a few mum friends, some single parents, and they cooked for me when I first came out of hospital after ankle surgery, when I had to live upstairs and couldn’t access my kitchen for a week.

Of course we plan for the arrival of babies or elective surgeries, and can look after ourselves. We are all adults… but its a kind gesture for a friend to offer, to have one less thing to think about when you are post op, or you are establishing breastfeeding your newborn whilst trying to entertain your toddler.

BackforGood · 21/07/2021 19:48

Never heard the term 'meal train' before this thread, but I do think it is perfectly normal to take meals round for people who are struggling in some way (might be illness, accident, bereavement, or something nice like having a new baby).
I'm no great cook but I've made many meals (or cakes) for people who appreciated them in difficult times. Not only through Church - it happened recently when a colleague just came out of hospital, it happened earlier in the year when friends went into shock as their ds died suddenly, it happened when friends had triplets). It is a natural human response to try and help people who are struggling, from people I know. However, as everyone has said - it is an offer from the person / people doing the cooking, not done as a request from someone who wants food cooking for them. It is also only done for people you know / have a relationship with.

The HV is either from a very different culture from me or completely bonkers.

bemusedmoose · 21/07/2021 19:52

It's weird. Also - it's surely something people offer you, not that you tell them to do?

I mean the idea is lovely and supportive community minded help and I wish it was a UK thing but sadly very few Brit communities are like that. I live a lovely community and we do pitch in when people need it but only because we are close, other neighbours barely say hello. But it's not a 'ooh no 19 had a baby I'll do tea tonight, you do tomorrow... ` it's more of a checking on each other and offering if it looks like they need a hand.

Got bugger all help with either of mine. Wouldn't have minded a tub of left overs or a coffee that was still hot. But then the ex hubby would have narffed it all for himself anyway.

deleteasappropriate · 21/07/2021 20:00

I can remember in the early 1960s all the mums would cook and clean for someone who'd just had a baby on our council estate. However in those days cooking meant cooking from scratch,and by the 70s and the advent of ready meals it had disappeared.

Elys3 · 21/07/2021 20:20

A thought - was the HV chinese? My Chinese work colleague said that women are facilitated to do nothing but look after their baby and heal their bodies for a set period, I think it was around one month.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/07/2021 20:32

@Elys3

A thought - was the HV chinese? My Chinese work colleague said that women are facilitated to do nothing but look after their baby and heal their bodies for a set period, I think it was around one month.

Surely they'd still understand that a network of friends and family doing this is great, but doorknocking complete strangers with requests is not?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/07/2021 20:33

I wouldn't bash Brits too much. When shit hits the fan people do rrally help out.
Open door and kettle on after terrorist attacks spring to mind. People rallying around for families who lost houses in fire.
And so on.
It happens, and actually often, when there is a serious reason.

Idogiveadamn · 21/07/2021 21:03

"meal train"? Did you want a good sneeze/unwashed hands/cough/unsafe food hygiene with your meal this evening madam? Yuk! and double- yuk.

Lockdownbear · 21/07/2021 21:09

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I wouldn't bash Brits too much. When shit hits the fan people do rrally help out. Open door and kettle on after terrorist attacks spring to mind. People rallying around for families who lost houses in fire. And so on. It happens, and actually often, when there is a serious reason.

Absolutely people will rally round to help out in a crisis but don't piss them off first by being a cheeky fucker.

My neighbours have been stars in various moments of crisis, collect our kid when we've been stuck in traffic, driving me and kid to hospital when I needed a hand hold but I'm sure they'd have a very different opinion of me if I asked them to cook me dinner when I could easily buy a ready meal.

PrincessesRUs · 21/07/2021 21:15

I'm in the uk and my church does it here.

Pallisers · 21/07/2021 21:51

I wouldn't bash Brits too much. When shit hits the fan people do rrally help out.

We were on holidays in Scotland and a bus got stuck under a tiny bridge in a village near Glenco - we had to sit in our cars waiting for them to unstick it (luckily we had left loads of time to get to the airport). Some lovely women from the houses nearby went from car to car - knocked at our car window and told us they'd be happy to let us use their loos or make us a cup of tea.