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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
MeridasMum · 19/07/2021 12:26

I have a hidden issue with my hips and could not pick up after my children when they dropped things on the floor ( as kids will invariably do) but I always spoke directly to the waiting staff about it, apologising and explaining, then left a hefty tip. They were always really accommodating because I made it clear that I knew it wasn't ok, but I couldn't do anything about it.
(If DH was with me, he's always do it)

Unless you have some physical problem which makes this impossible, I think it's unacceptable to expect waiting staff to clean up like that after your kids.

GCandproud · 19/07/2021 12:27

@Shirleyphallus

I used to waitress and I’d find it astounding the mess that parents would leave for their kids. Often so much food left under the tables, random wet wipes left everywhere (why stuffed in to pint glasses….. why???)

The food not being good, the pub not being clean and it being 29 degrees are all totally irrelevant.

If it would only take the staff a few minutes then it would only take you the same. At the least you should have asked the staff if they wanted you to clear up.

What? Surely you could also argue that it would only take all the guests a few minutes to clear their own tables and load their plates into the dishwasher? Maybe also to run a brush over the toilet when they use it? People spill things. Staff are paid to clean it up. It's not a big deal at all.
Em8725 · 19/07/2021 12:28

As a waitress I don’t mind if your child makes a mess. Babies etc, it’s fine, I don’t mind. All it takes is a quick hoover at the end of the night.

This one however has irritated me. You specifically mentioned the heat?

I worked last night in that heat, the kitchen was clocking up 40-45 degrees on the thermometer, the bar wasn’t much better.

In that situation why is it ok to leave it for me to do in that heat after being on my feet for my entire shift racing around to make you comfortable, but it’s not ok for you to do it after sitting down and eating a meal meaning you don’t have to wash up or make any effort to cook for yourself? (in this heat).

I’m not often rude but honestly, this one has irritated me 🤣

Cleaning up after customers is part of my job, and it is absolutely fine. Most parents do have the decency to offer, which I’ll always decline. I really do appreciate it though.

Mulanmoo · 19/07/2021 12:28

Would it not have been 29 degrees for the staff too, or what’s that got to do with anything? You were being rude and lazy. I understand why your MIL was embarressed over you.

Em8725 · 19/07/2021 12:29

PS if you had offered, I would have declined the help, as I always do, because it is my job.

LimitIsUp · 19/07/2021 12:29

What a very apt user name GCandproud

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/07/2021 12:30

Why would you not spend 10 seconds scooping them up with a napkin?

she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food

But you expect the pub staff to pick up food that YOUR child has dropped?

Lame. And pretty skanky, to be honest.

October2020 · 19/07/2021 12:31

I am amazed by mum friends who don't at least offer to clean up after their kids when we are out, and I do judge them massively. I always pick up big bits, wipe off the high chair and ask for a dustpan and brush for the little bits. Usually staff will say they'll do the sweeping but I still always offer! YABU and I'm not surprised your MIL was mortified.

Thehop · 19/07/2021 12:31

It’s a 2 minute job to tidy up after your baby. Of course you do it. Scruffy and rude not to.

GCandproud · 19/07/2021 12:32

@LimitIsUp

What a very apt user name GCandproud
Huh? Can't see how my username is in any way relevant to the scenario here. Am I missing something?
TidyDancer · 19/07/2021 12:33

I always cleared up after the DCs when they were too young to do it themselves. It's just grim and lazy when people don't bother.

YABU OP.

WeHaveComeSoFar · 19/07/2021 12:34

Oh dear, they're both definitely going to gossip about you now Grin

I think that was pretty lazy and entitled of you. You make it sound so dramatic: 'I'm not going to get on my hands and knees ...'. I mean really? It would have taken you seconds to just bend down and pick them up.

Nomorepies · 19/07/2021 12:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

WeAllHaveWings · 19/07/2021 12:35

I, and all parents I know, always cleaned up after messy children. This includes picking up any food dropped on floor/in the highchair and popping back onto the plate and giving the highchair tray/seat a very quick wet wipe if it needed it. If one wet wipe was used it would be put on the plate like a napkin, if lots were needed/used I would put in a nappy sack and take home, sticking them in a glass for others to deal with is inconsiderate.

tallduckandhandsome · 19/07/2021 12:36

YANBU. I've been a waitress, men leave such a mess, with food on the floor, and yet of course women are expected to clear up mess from the floor. Hmm

Clearing up the table and high chair was enough.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/07/2021 12:37

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU. I've been a waitress, men leave such a mess, with food on the floor, and yet of course women are expected to clear up mess from the floor. Hmm

Clearing up the table and high chair was enough.

Parents are expected to clear up the mess from their kids. dh would do this too.
Neondisco · 19/07/2021 12:38

Parents leave disgusting mess for staff to clean all the time. This is not ok op.

Interesting so many people say yabu
Yet I see so much disgusting mess being left. Maybe it's just mumsnetter's who clean up after their kids.

blinkthreetimes · 19/07/2021 12:40

Doubt OP will be returning

AdditionalCharacter · 19/07/2021 12:40

Would you have cleaned up after your baby if you were in a more classier restaurant op, or is it just places that you deem beneath you?

rancidsorrymess · 19/07/2021 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nietzschethehiker · 19/07/2021 12:41

Sorry but YABU. I very much not the MN poster child for doing it right...believe me I would horrify MN mostly. In this case though it's common courtesy. I actually wouldn't call ten peas dropped a small mess. In public anyway.

I think the basic rule should be if you wouldn't leave it on your own floor then don't leave it on anyone else's. Company or person.

It's not a thing really is it ? When my DC were young I would just bob down with a wet wipe scoop any mess up and get rid in a bin or ask the staff where to put rubbish in. It's not like you need to get down with tweezers.

But yeah. If I would clean up after a meal in my own home then I do it elsewhere (to a point...I mean I wipe down my table and clean it...I mean I'll have a quick swipe round so staff only have to pick up plates but I can't say I disinfect a restaurant table....that would be bonkers ).

Grimacingfrog · 19/07/2021 12:42

I hate this. It seems so entitled.

Nietzschethehiker · 19/07/2021 12:42

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU. I've been a waitress, men leave such a mess, with food on the floor, and yet of course women are expected to clear up mess from the floor. Hmm

Clearing up the table and high chair was enough.

In all fairness my DP who is male would clean up better than I would. Not for lack of effort on my part but he is frankly just better at it. You aren't wrong though it shouldn't default to the mum doing it.
GCandproud · 19/07/2021 12:43

Why didn't they ask your partner to clean it up? He's their relative after all...

Nanny0gg · 19/07/2021 12:43

My DGC were messy buggers.

It would honestly have been easier to take my own dustpan and brush than having to keep asking for one!

But we always cleared up