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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
TheAwfuITruth · 19/07/2021 11:17

When I see people walk away from mess in pubs and restaurants I wonder what their houses must be like.

soughsigh · 19/07/2021 11:17

If it was only 10 peas, I would have definitely picked them up. I suspect it will have been more than that.

I always try and wipe up after my son as best I can using napkins, or apologise to the staff/ask for dustpan and brush). They always say it's no bother and they'll do it, but politeness doesn't cost you anything and probably makes their day a lot better.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 19/07/2021 11:18

I clearly worked in a different class / region / environment @inpixiehollow
I am with you, but seemingly in the minority! 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Rosebel · 19/07/2021 11:21

You've worked in hospitality so you know how hard it is, especially working in this heat.
I always picked up after my older children (now teenagers) and still do for my 1 year old.
If it would have taken seconds why couldn't you or dad do it.
Bit entitled and lazy.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:22

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

I clearly worked in a different class / region / environment *@inpixiehollow* I am with you, but seemingly in the minority! 😳🤷🏻‍♀️
Yes and this is my point about the poor example the OP is setting to her child.

You think it's ok not to at least offer to clean up after one's own child, due to the experiences you've had.

Poor manners really do breed poor manners.

timeisnotaline · 19/07/2021 11:23

I always picked up after mine. I was a bit horrified some of my mum friends would just walk away and leave the mess on the floor.

eandz13 · 19/07/2021 11:23

My DS drops food everywhere from the high chair and I clean every bit of it up the best I can (without access to their hoover and a scrubbing pad that is). I think it's just inconsiderate not to.

PieceOfString · 19/07/2021 11:25

WorraLiberty That's a massive insulting generalization towards a generation right there.

Yes, I was generalising of course. I don't think it was insulting though. I would pick the food up in most cases, but find I am in the minority often with my attitude to this sort of stuff. The people who wouldn't pick it up take the view the staff can whip the hoover out so it isn't a horrid job for them, that doesn't make them bad people.

CMOTDibbler · 19/07/2021 11:26

I always picked up, and would ask for a dustpan if necessary. Its just respectful to the staff

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:27

The people who wouldn't pick it up take the view the staff can whip the hoover out so it isn't a horrid job for them, that doesn't make them bad people.

I think it makes them selfish and inconsiderate people and that has nothing to do with their generation.

It's either the way they were raised or just the way they are.

Cheeseandlobster · 19/07/2021 11:27

Rude and lazy. How embarrassing of you

pinatastick · 19/07/2021 11:27

I always cleaned up after mine when they were little.

SirGawain · 19/07/2021 11:27

@starfishmummy

I'd have apologised and asked for a dustpan and brush; the usual response is that they'll do it.
Yes. That’s my experience.
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:28

And I bet the OP would've been down on her hands and knees in a flash if she'd dropped her phone or the kid's favourite toy Wink

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 11:31

God yes - I’d have picked them up with a napkin, wouldn’t occurred to me to leave a mess. Were you not raised to do this OP? Confused

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 19/07/2021 11:32

I'm guessing you've never worked in hospitality - YABU. It's not the waitresses job to pick up excessive mess, they have enough to do as it is.

PoppenhuisStories · 19/07/2021 11:32

I always pick every piece of food off the floor, I don’t expect wait staff to do it as part of routine service. I don’t leave bits of food or rubbish on the table either. It’s their job to clear away plates and generally wipe down the table, not contend with toddler chaos.

Youdiditanyway · 19/07/2021 11:33

YABU. You should always try to leave it how you found it.

TonytheDog · 19/07/2021 11:34

Of course you should have picked up the peas! Are you the person who leaves food wrappers all over the train/bus because 'it'll only take a few minutes' for someone else to clear up?

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:37

But also...

the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite.

That ^^ makes it sound extra bad really. Like if the OP enjoyed the food and thought the pub was up to her standards, she or her DP would've cleaned up their child's mess.

It's hardly the waiting staff's fault that the food and pub didn't meet the OP's approval.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/07/2021 11:40

I would be extremely embarrassed to have left my kids mess for staff to clean up and would have reached down and picked the few scraps up.

daisyducky · 19/07/2021 11:40

I would have picked anything up.

EKGEMS · 19/07/2021 11:42

My SIL and BIL thought leaving a large gratuity would make up for walking away from a bomb site when my nephews were at the baby stage whereas we always picked up our mess at end of a meal with our son.

BrilliantBetty · 19/07/2021 11:43

I clear up as much as I reasonably can after my young DC. I wouldn't leave lots of bits under a high chair. I also wouldn't scrabble around for every last pea.

oneglassandpuzzled · 19/07/2021 11:43

@PieceOfString

Having worked in a pub I would say that you would not be at all unusual to leave the stuff on the floor. Personally I prefer to try to pick things up but not if it means grovelling on a filthy carpet under the table with my arse poking out! I think this is just different standards of older generations, her generation would be horrified not to clear their own mess up, this generation it is viewed as embrassing to demeen yourself when the staff can do it. I would just let it wash off your back and respect her comments without kowtowing. Give your reasons for not doing if she is being really arsey about it.
That explains why so many people think it’s ok to litter. It demeans them to clear up their mess. Now I understand why it’s me picking up their discarded rubbish in the lane. Perhaps they think ‘the council’ come around.