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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
Overthebow · 19/07/2021 11:45

I have a similar aged DC and always clean up after her as best I can. I'd be too embarrassed to leave a mess on the floor and it's just polite.

DancesWithTortoises · 19/07/2021 11:45

We always cleaned up. Ask for a dustpan and brush.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/07/2021 11:46

YABU.
I've worked in pubs as well. I never expect other people to clean up after me / my child more than the usual wiping down table. If it's hard for you to pick up 10 peas in 29 degree heat imagine what its like being on your feet all day going in and out of kitchens. I always pick up food they have thrown on the floor. You are paying for food and service, not for someone to pick up after you when you cant be arsed. They would clean the toilets if you left them in a mess but I'm sure (i hope) that you wouldnt do that just because they're getting paid for it.

Lou98 · 19/07/2021 11:48

Having worked in a pub for years, it's not unusual that you left the mess, it is however, unreasonable.

We had a cleaner come in in the morning that did all the floors etc. My job was to serve drinks and food, the only cleaning that was in my contract was table tops, the bar and spilled drinks. I didn't get paid minimum wage to get down with a dustpan and brush and sweep up after people's children because they're too entitled to do it themselves.

Your points about the heat, the cleanliness of the place etc are irrelevant and you've added them to make yourself sound better.
If you deemed the place up to your standards would you have bothered to clean it yourself?

SillyLittleBiscuit · 19/07/2021 11:48

I think you're taking the peas - clean up after yourself.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 19/07/2021 11:48

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 11:49

Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor?

Have you, really? Doubt it.
Just pick up your mess, people. Some families leave incredible scenes there and I always wondered how their houses look like

Lou98 · 19/07/2021 11:50

It's also not a generation thing at all - I'm only 22 and always clean up after my baby

bg21 · 19/07/2021 11:51

you know it was more mess than just 10 peas lol your mil and grandma are totally right I'd be too embarrassed to leave my child's mess behind

AuntMargo · 19/07/2021 11:52

Of course you should have picked them up, you complained it wasn't that clean, but you were more than happy to leave your mess!. Where is your respect for the people you were with, I'd have been embarrassed to be out with you !!

NiceGerbil · 19/07/2021 11:52

Yes I picked up after them as best I could and apologised for any left (crumbs etc).

Admit I didn't think of asking for a dustpan and brush.

I'd have picked peas up they're squashy but also hardly difficult to grab.

bringincrazyback · 19/07/2021 11:52

I'm sure it's because of this mentality that it's so common nowadays to go into a pub and see peas trodden into the carpet.

The staff are in all probability earning shit wages, and have enough to do without picking up after your child.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 19/07/2021 11:53

We always cleared the floor up under the highchair, regardless of the place we were eating or how much/little there was. Don’t recall needing to get down on my hands and knees to do so. Very rude and lazy not to IMO.

SpeakingFranglais · 19/07/2021 11:53

Sorry OP you sound as though you think you are too good for this, I would have been embarrassed if I’d been with you as your MiL probably was, as your mess would also have reflected on her.

Out of order, I’m afraid.

SuckItUpDave · 19/07/2021 11:53

scuzzy behaviour from you

Tabitha005 · 19/07/2021 11:55

I'm always amazed at the mess (caused by their kids) some parents think it's perfectly reasonable to leave behind. I've seen it in restaurants, parks, on trains and planes and - perhaps worst of all - on a bench in the National Gallery where a mother had changed her baby's nappy and actually had the front to leave the used nappy, baby wipes and a host of other shit out of her bag, on the bench. A fearsome curator tore a strip off her, tho, and she was made to return to the bench and collect it all.

How are kids supposed to learn to clear their own crap up when some parents lead by the example of leaving it wherever they please? It may 'only' have been a few peas, but it's setting a really poor example. And kids are never too young to start learning this - ingraining the knowledge that your waste isn't for other people to deal with is, I think, what would solve a lot of the issues of littering later in life.

Also, I totally agree with the poster upthread who mentioned people who leave all sorts of other rubbish along with their empty plates, napkins, cutlery and glasses. In my view, anything that WASN'T brought to your table by the establishment is YOURS to deal with and take away with you.

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 19/07/2021 11:56

Sure, why clean up after your own child when you can get someone on minimum wage to do it for you?
Hmm

Oldraver · 19/07/2021 11:57

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AlfonsoTheMango · 19/07/2021 11:57

YABU. It was your responsibility to clean up after your child.

MilduraS · 19/07/2021 11:58

I always clean up anything dropped on the floor. It seems rude not to.

TheQueef · 19/07/2021 11:59

No one really thinks this is ok do they?

godmum56 · 19/07/2021 11:59

also, maybe if the baby is at the throwing/dropping food stage, maybe a pub or restaurant is not the place for her to have squidgy messy food? Could you have offered baby something easier to clean up than peas and meat?

GrandDuchessRomanov · 19/07/2021 12:01

DH or I would definitely have cleared any mess our DS has made, in fact we still do even though he is 16 but with SLD and SEN.

The wait staff are just that not cleaners.

You were being a dirty mare OP and YABVU

thetaleunfolds · 19/07/2021 12:02

Of course you clean up!

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 19/07/2021 12:02

I did BLW and always picked up the worst of it from the floor with a couple of baby wipes.