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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
Dnaltocs · 20/07/2021 23:57

Most definitely I’d have left a decent tip and cleared/tidied what I could. It’s basic good manners. I’d not have eaten in a dirty restaurant particularly if it was a carvery. Think it’s time to look at priorities.
Taking previous children to dirty eateries and vulnerable old folk too. No no no. It’s grownup time.

Dnaltocs · 20/07/2021 23:58

That should have been - precious children😇

Bortles · 21/07/2021 01:14

You pick it up. Otherwise you're a slob. You think the waiting staff are akin to servants and beneath you.
I've waited tables while a student.
I always, always pick up after my children, leave wet wipes where they can be swept into the bin not touched and don't let my children get under waiters feet.

urkidding · 21/07/2021 07:31

You're setting a bad example for your children. You should clear their mess when they are young and make them clear their mess when they're older.

Mehhhhhhhhh · 21/07/2021 07:59

Wow well you've just shown everyone that you've been dragged up and not brought up properly.

All of the excuses you stated aren't relevant, clean up after your kid, would of taken you less than a minute to pick them up.

I once went on holiday and a family left the table and the floor around said table in a complete mess, the poor staff were about it tears, it was that bad, so me and several others actually got up and started helping the staff with the cleaning of it.

There's no excuse to not clean up after your child, and you've shown your in laws what a disrespectful woman you are.

Prinzy · 21/07/2021 08:07

Think about the message it instils going forward, ofc hospitality staff will clear things like this no bother or fuss,

Billben · 21/07/2021 08:40

Leaving mess behind you just shows your own low standards. I would have been embarrassed leaving a messy table even if it was somebody else from our party who had made the mess, let alone if it was my own child.

maddy68 · 21/07/2021 09:00

You are the parent. You clean up after your child

TigersandTeddybears · 21/07/2021 09:11

I have also worked in hospitality which means that I do try and consider the staff in my decisions about this as well as the needs of my family and The other customers. I always try and leave the place as close to how I found it as possible, and as easy to deal with for them as possible (no wet wipes in glasses!). However, if I have a child who is tantruming I would leave more quickly (like a quick go over on the floor but no pea picking), with an apology and a decent tip. Because if the shoe was on the other foot I would rather sweep up peas than listen to a toddler screaming, and I think other customers would feel the same. I do think it's poor manners to leave a mess, but I also don't think it's great manners to be crawling around on your hands and knees cleaning the place for ages. There is a balance between the two, I think.

fuzzyduck1 · 21/07/2021 09:21

After seeing the state of some of the carpets in pubs I’d want a hazchem suit on before I’d go anywhere near them..

soirritating · 21/07/2021 10:10

There's no excuse to not clean up after your child, and you've shown your in laws what a disrespectful woman you are.

Interesting outlook.

Has her DH also shown his parents what a disrespectful man he is, for not doing the same? Or are you just going to call picking up the peas "women's work"? 🤔

keggy1313 · 21/07/2021 10:10

Yes, always pick up my kids mess or if for any reason I can't (toilet emergency, etc) I would leave a sizeable tip, i.e. £10 in a cafe. I've been a waitress, it takes five minutes and why should they pick up my mess.

soirritating · 21/07/2021 10:11

A pregnant woman at that.

soirritating · 21/07/2021 10:12

I once went on holiday and a family left the table and the floor around said table in a complete mess, the poor staff were about it tears, it was that bad, so me and several others actually got up and started helping the staff with the cleaning of it.

Wow the family must have literally emptied every plate onto the floor? For it to be so bad that staff are in tears and you feel the need to step in and help. Hardly comparable to 10 peas.

Aria999 · 21/07/2021 10:53

I was going to say YABU, but not if you're pregnant.

I would have asked her dad to do it. (I know people will say they shouldn't need asking but if it's something you would normally take charge of he might not realize.)

In normal circumstances I would always clear up anything that the kids had dropped (yes on my hands and knees under the table with a wipe).

jentinquarantino20 · 21/07/2021 12:55

My daughter when she was little always left a mess at the carvery and I always cleaned up after her. It’s called respect. It’s their job to clear plates and glasses, not food thrown everywhere

VestaTilley · 21/07/2021 13:23

YABU. I used to be a waitress and the mess some families used to leave was awful.

I have a 2 year old DS and we’d always clear the floor after him, and ensure the table wasn’t left a disgrace before we left.

LST · 21/07/2021 13:34

After reading some of the responses on this thread I understand why the country looks like such a shit tip

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/07/2021 13:36

@LST

After reading some of the responses on this thread I understand why the country looks like such a shit tip
Which btw is picked up on by tourists very sadly
lap90 · 21/07/2021 14:24

I was reminded of this thread yesterday when was I was talking to the lady who works in a local café and a man who I assume is a regular came in with his young son and on the way out mentioned being very apologetic about not having wipes today to clear up his son's mess.

angstriddenhipster · 21/07/2021 14:47

Yikes, surprised at the responses here. I would never expect to have to pick up dropped food at a restaurant. I would alert staff to a spill and apologies if it was dangerous but that's about it.

smilingontheinside · 21/07/2021 17:18

It's a bit like saying I don't pick up any litter I've dropped because the local council employ street cleaners to go it. Sorry but people like you annoy me because yes there are staff there to serve you good and clear your table but not to pick up crap left on the floor by you or your child.

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2021 17:58

@angstriddenhipster

Yikes, surprised at the responses here. I would never expect to have to pick up dropped food at a restaurant. I would alert staff to a spill and apologies if it was dangerous but that's about it.
You haven't said why though?

Why would you just walk out, leaving your dropped food on the floor and not pick it up or apologise unless it was dangerous?

Would you do the same at a friend's house if they invited you to dinner, or do you just save your appalling lack of though/manners for those on minimum wage who wait on tables?

If you have children, are you not worried they might also start to treat people like that?

angstriddenhipster · 21/07/2021 18:12

TBH I just assume that in a table service restaurant getting the table cleaned and ready for the next customer is the staff's job. OK if I dropped (on the floor or table) like, a chip, a potato, or something that you can lean down and pick up, I clearly would. If I spill a drink or a slodge of ketchup or something on table or floor clearly I'm going to put a napkin down. But you just can't adequately clean up a table and seating area using your table napkin. Ultimately if you drop crumbs, peas etc, they need to be swept up, not picked up with your hands, and it just wouldn't occur to me to ask the staff for a dustpan and brush to do this.

I would just assume that it's part of what you pay for for service staff to wipe up a table after customers have left and that dropped crumbs etc are within the parameters of normal table usage, so that sweeping up any crumbs that have been dropped so the table is ready for the next diners is the staff's job.

Put it this way, it wouldn't cross my mind to ask the staff if I could do any job that requires cleaning equipment to do properly.

angstriddenhipster · 21/07/2021 18:15

Also @worra the insinuation of your post is that I am somehow a regular and incorrigible scatterer of peas in restaurants, which for the record I'm not! Cannot remember being in this scenario personally, I'm talking hypotheticals here.