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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
Katerurn · 20/07/2021 18:13

I always ask for a dustpan and brush and sweep it up otherwise I just pick things up. The staff have enough to do and I just think it's polite to be honest

PromisingMiddleagedWoman · 20/07/2021 18:14

I don’t think you’ve acted particularly badly OP. I think if anything I’d judge your inlaws for asking their pregnant daughter in law to clean the floor when surely they should have asked your non-pregnant partner?!

And there is definitely a disconnect between the horrified responses on thread claiming that everyone knows you pick up every pea, crumb, etc when eating out, and real life where in my experience people pick up bigger items eg dropped cutlery, half a bread roll etc and leave the rest for a member of staff who will have a vacuum or dustpan & brush.

Tessabelle74 · 20/07/2021 18:15

What a tramp! Pick up your childs mess! Even more appalling if you worked in hospitality!

angela99999 · 20/07/2021 18:18

When we take our two year old grandson out for a meal he does tend to make a bit of a mess. I always say that I'm sorry about the mess and they say no problem, it won't take a minute to clear it up.
I certainly wouldn't grovel about on a grubby carpet, surprised they don't have a hard floor though.

SisterBeaverhausen · 20/07/2021 18:19

Ex bartender/server here. At least in the future offer to clean up.

Nothings worse than parents letting their kids throw food all over the floor and not letting us know.

Anastar23 · 20/07/2021 18:31

Always pick up. They are paid to serve food and clear the table not clear up after your baby.
It literally takes you a second and is common decency

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2021 18:42

@MaMelon

Actually your language has been very patronising, lots of references to people "managing" and how it's such a "simple task" etc.

Actually if you wish to take umbrage or imagine things or start talking about cake crumbs which has nothing to do with the OP that’s your choice.

This is a very deflective method of communicating. I'm not "taking umbrage" I'm just pointing out the ways you have spoken that are patronising. Take it or board, or don't.

The discussion had become more generally about cleaning up after your children in restaurants, not specifically cleaning up just the food types OP mentioned. There is nothing wrong with that.

Allinadayswork80 · 20/07/2021 18:42

@Touloser

As a previous bar staff/waitress I can confidently say you're the worst.
This. I worked in a food pub years ago and it astounded me the filth and mess left by some families that thought it was perfectly fine. If you find it yucky to do, why does it make it any better for someone else? Mess all over the table is bad enough but expected, the floor however is unreasonable.
WorraLiberty · 20/07/2021 18:46

And there is definitely a disconnect between the horrified responses on thread claiming that everyone knows you pick up every pea, crumb, etc when eating out

Except not a single poster has claimed that...

karenjkayjay · 20/07/2021 18:46

Your being very unreasonable, why leave the mess for staff to pick up that you left? I’m sorry but I think it’s very rude and disrespectful of you

Jeannie88 · 20/07/2021 18:48

Have always cleaned up after my child, etiquette.

Hertsgirl10 · 20/07/2021 19:04

Iv never been anywhere when the kids were young when they didn’t make a mess, I have 3 year old now that makes mess but it wouldn’t even come into my head to leave the mess for someone else to pick up. It’s so rude and I can’t believe anyone would question it.

Interesting that the MIL pulled you up about it and not her son.

BackBoiler · 20/07/2021 19:07

They do not vacuum between customers. Would you like to accidently step in some baby's mushed up old food. Laziness at its finest!

Franklyfrost · 20/07/2021 19:15

I’m a total slob but even I pick up the stuff the littles drop in the floor. You don’t want to do it and it’s your child’s grotty food, what do you think it’s like for the underpaid staff?

MaMelon · 20/07/2021 19:18

I'm not "taking umbrage" I'm just pointing out the ways you have spoken that are patronising. Take it or board, or don't

I will completely reject it. You have chosen to be patronised. That is your choice.

transformandriseup · 20/07/2021 19:24

This thread is getting ridiculous and hysterical. Surely the OP knows she should should have tried to pick up the peas by now.

Bleachmycloths · 20/07/2021 19:24

It’s disgusting to leave food on the floor. Shows disrespect to the staff.

Bleachmycloths · 20/07/2021 19:25

Transformandriseup

I couldn’t agree more

Flatwhitetostayin · 20/07/2021 19:37

I think because you have previously worked in the industry and have been used to clearing up after others, you wouldn't have seen it as a big deal. Fair enough! But I don't think a lot of people would feel comfortable leaving it (me included). If you are pregnant you had the perfect excuse to not do it tho ❤️

Pebbledashery · 20/07/2021 19:38

I would be ashamed to leave mess behind.. I would've asked for a dustpan and brush.. Most definitely yabu.

soirritating · 20/07/2021 19:39

It is not the crime of the century and it is not practical for customers to end the meal plucking each crumb from the carpet.

The mental image of the plucking of crumbs after you've paid the bill 😂

Sorry. As you were....

soirritating · 20/07/2021 19:41

@transformandriseup

This thread is getting ridiculous and hysterical. Surely the OP knows she should should have tried to pick up the peas by now.

Agreed. Never before have I seen such a heated debate about spilt peas 😬

harverina · 20/07/2021 19:42

Haven’t read the whole thread or subsequent OP replies.

If it’s easy enough for me to pick up (ie without a hoover / dustpan and brush) I would try to pick food up, or at least make an attempt at it. If it’s too tricky I would apologise profusely to the staff and offer to help, knowing deep down that they would do it themselves - but I would always try to be polite and courteous anyway.

LargeTeaPlease · 20/07/2021 19:45

I always cleared up any mess made by my children and I now do the same with my grandchildren. It doesn’t take long and I usually use just one plate or a bowl to put those bits and pieces in.

justasking111 · 20/07/2021 19:54

As your MIL with you being pregnant I would have cleared it up

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