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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
CoronaPeroni · 20/07/2021 19:54

Hopefully she was also horrified that her son didn't clean up.

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2021 19:55

@MaMelon

I'm not "taking umbrage" I'm just pointing out the ways you have spoken that are patronising. Take it or board, or don't

I will completely reject it. You have chosen to be patronised. That is your choice.

Fine? I don't really care that much, but you can't just say people are "choosing to be patronised" when you are saying patronising things. But I don't care if you want to take it on board, I simply pointed it out.
Use627 · 20/07/2021 19:56

I'm obvs not the norm but I wouldn't have cleaned it up

AlfonsoTheMango · 20/07/2021 20:00

@ALongHardWinter

I often witness people leaving an atrocious mess after eating in a cafe or restaurant with young children. Can honestly say I've never witnessed anyone attempting to clear up after themselves. Obviously,none of these people have been Mumsnet-ters. Grin
There you go - you've found the posters on this thread who don't see why they should have to pick up after themselves.
MaMelon · 20/07/2021 20:04

when you are saying patronising things

No, you are choosing to interpret it as patronising and you are choosing to be patronised. That is your choice as I have already said. Regardless, this is going nowhere and we have different views on the matter.

Now, back to the OP.

1Saymynamesaymyname · 20/07/2021 20:10

I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food

But you're happy for someone else to do it?

There were three adults, and ten peas. Not a difficult mystery to solve..

daisyrain13 · 20/07/2021 20:16

Very precious of you to not want to get on your knees to clear up after your own DD.
I have two children and would never leave mess under their high chairs in a restaurant. I'd be so embarrassed!

Katiemole · 20/07/2021 20:27

I personally think you should be setting an example for your children to clean up your mess.

MollyMinniesMum · 20/07/2021 20:28

But you expected someone else to clear up after your child?

Tigger1895 · 20/07/2021 20:41

So it’s ok for staff to pick up the food in 29 degrees (which was probably higher for those running in and out of a kitchen) but not for you?

AbstractHeart · 20/07/2021 20:42

@Flatwhitetostayin

I think because you have previously worked in the industry and have been used to clearing up after others, you wouldn't have seen it as a big deal. Fair enough! But I don't think a lot of people would feel comfortable leaving it (me included). If you are pregnant you had the perfect excuse to not do it tho ❤️
I think this is spot on. "Do unto others.."

OP had no issue cleaning up after other people's kids when she worked in hospitality and so now she's comfortable letting the staff clean up after her's.

Whereas most people on here would hate to clean up another kid's mess so they don't let their own kids leave a mess.

It's just a difference of experience causing a different perspective on the issue.

CaptainHammer · 20/07/2021 20:45

Bits of meat and peas but then you say just 10 peas? Either way it should have been cleared up. Presumably your partner isn’t pregnant as well so why couldn’t they have cleared it up?

bananaJamas · 20/07/2021 20:49

No, I wouldn't have. But I do tip generously. Kids meals are massively over priced. Sometimes £8+ for sausage chips and peas for a toddler

Partly why I like eating out is so I don't have to clean food off the floor for one day in my life

LST · 20/07/2021 20:58

@bananaJamas

No, I wouldn't have. But I do tip generously. Kids meals are massively over priced. Sometimes £8+ for sausage chips and peas for a toddler

Partly why I like eating out is so I don't have to clean food off the floor for one day in my life

I hope you know how judged you are when you leave.
moynomore · 20/07/2021 21:03

@Tigger1895

So it’s ok for staff to pick up the food in 29 degrees (which was probably higher for those running in and out of a kitchen) but not for you?
Yes, they are being paid to do so and have the equipment required for the job. And I worked many years in restaurants before someone claims I don't get it.
Localocal · 20/07/2021 21:17

I guess it's against the grain, but I'm with you, OP. Staff have the correct tools for tidying that up and are being paid an hourly wage to make your meal pleasant and comfortable. When I worked in hospitality I would never let a customer grub about on the floor at the end of a nice meal.

I would apologise for the mess with a smile, and pick up dropped napkins and cutlery, and I always tip very generously. But I would leave cleaning the floor to the person whose job it is.

Grownups drop food too, by the way, and don't crawl about cleaning it up.

PieceOfString · 20/07/2021 21:22

I've often been cleaning up after myself and been nicely waved away by staff saying, leave that to us. Suppose it depends, duty nappies in galleries no but meal debris within reason...

sue69m · 20/07/2021 21:43

Would you have picked them up at home? There is no difference if you're eating out or at home

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2021 21:49

@sue69m

Would you have picked them up at home? There is no difference if you're eating out or at home
Well there is, isn't there, you don't cook your meal or do the dishes either. That is the whole point of the debate.
lucybluebella26 · 20/07/2021 21:49

Maybe the reason it was so dirty is because there are so many parents like yourself who don't clean up after their kids.
I'm not saying you should pick up every speck, but jeez, at least make an effort. I'm also guessing you've never worked in the hospitality sector.

moynomore · 20/07/2021 22:16

@lucybluebella26

Maybe the reason it was so dirty is because there are so many parents like yourself who don't clean up after their kids. I'm not saying you should pick up every speck, but jeez, at least make an effort. I'm also guessing you've never worked in the hospitality sector.
Having worked in hospitality

A direct quote from the OP. Showing posters have come on here just to shame the OP and not bothering to even read the first post.

MummyMayo1988 · 20/07/2021 22:30

Children make mess - that's a given - but as parents we are responsible for it. I've got 3 boys; when we are out for dinner I wipe everything down with wet wipes (that I then take home with me) and pick up any food on the floor.
I think YABU to have left it. I couldnt possibly leave a dining table in a mess.

DreamTheMoors · 20/07/2021 22:33

@inpixiehollow

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter. I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?
29 whole degrees? Oh my - you poor dear!!! However will you survive? Rush yourself to A&E if you get too overheated. It’s THIRTY NINE DEGREES where I live and my friend takes a small plastic tablecloth with them whenever they take their toddler out to eat, even outside on a restaurant patio. They spread it on the floor/ground and then put his high chair on top. Any mess lands on the table cloth which they then fold carefully & take home & clean or toss. But you know, it could be the heat getting to them. 🤷🏼‍♀️
GalaxyGirl24 · 20/07/2021 22:51

I would have picked up the peas OP, wiped down the high chair roughly - quick stuff.

They will clean regardless but it's probably nice for them to not have to collect cold squished peas off the floor.

August1980 · 20/07/2021 23:38

It’s poor form. I would have picked it up.

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