To think most of MN don’t know what having no money means

[icecolddrinks]

And that admitting to having none is humiliating.

I see it here all the time. Someone has no money. Someone suggests something to make life easier. The person says again they have no money. MN suggest a cheaper version.

On the thread about dress up so many people were saying to tell the school.

I know debt and low incomes aren’t ideal but they aren’t uncommon either so why is it so hard to acknowledge that someone might have 3p in their bank account and no money?

When I say I have no money now it’s very different to what I meant 20 years ago so I get you. One unexpected expense then would have thrown my carefully planned budget into disarray and mean literally no money. I’m very lucky now.

There’s undoubtedly scammers try their luck on here but there’s also people genuinely in that situation. It’s awful that people still feel the stigma of poverty and that there’s still a perception it’s their fault and if only they did x y and z it would change things without an understanding of the structural issues of poverty and the grinding exhaustion that comes with it.

But please, having been on both sides of the story, take the assistance that is there if you need it. For every judgemental arsehole there’s at least one person wanting to make a fairer world and who will help without judging.

People post on threads to try and help in those situations, and unless the OP states from the outset that any suggestions made must be free or they are unhelpful, people won’t assume it. It’s not coming from a bad place, no one is going to deliberately post a suggestion that the OP can’t use.

Of course it should be acknowledged that some people genuinely can’t afford anything other than the basics, but that isn’t true for everyone that posts a problem on here, so we shouldn’t need to assume that everyone is broke.

I get £70 a week on benefits.

Given the amount of times I see MN post the warning re not giving money to people I think many are cynical.

There’s also plenty of people who are honest/moan re no money but then make life choices that don’t correspond with that and aren’t doing anything about seeking work, more hours etc.

Yup. MN is an absolute other world to me.

I live in what would be considered a deprived area. 40% of kids at my DC school receive free school meals (we're in NE Wales so no free school meals for all). It is absolutely everything MN hates and in all honesty, I don't mind it.

Personally I have no idea what it is like to have no money/be skint. However I do remember when dc went to the local primary and the reception teacher said everyone had to contribute 50p per week for things like tissues, seeds, extra paints, sand, etc. There was a mum who told my friend and I she often didn't have 50p at the end of the week. It was so divisive to pit a child in the place of not putting their 50p in the tin. You would have thought a teacher in a state school would have checked their privilege better. It was more than 20 years ago now so I hope things have changed. Looking back we should have had a word with the HT but I think we gave her dd 50p on Fridays for the box.

I think you forget. Looking back on the days when DS1 was a baby, I was paying off a loan and hadn't realised you could get payments suspended if you're on a low income and, after rent and bills, had 10 pounds a week for diesel, 10 pounds for food and 10 pounds for everything else seems unreal.

I was even poorer in my late teens and early 20s, and have begged on the street in the past, but I had no dependents in those days, lived in squats or slept rough and knew where to get free food, so that wasn't so worrying.

Yet now, I've just found myself googling prescription snorkelling masks- and you know, I could just buy one (about 30 pounds) like that. That would have been an unimaginable luxury ten years ago.

I just hope losing the ability to just buy things when I want won't come as too much of a shock if I ever lose it again- it's horribly easy to get used to!

@icecolddrinks

Having no money doesn’t really mean anything different *@CeeceeBloomingdale*

It doesn’t mean I have not much in my current account but access to an overdraft and anyway I have several hundred in savings.

It means I have no money.

To YOU it does and to me I should add. I know someone who says it with at least £50k in the bank. That's my point. It doesn't mean the same to everyone, there are some very blinkered people.

I think a lot do not understand the concept & are not aware of how privileged they are.

I agree people don’t understand. There have been times in my life when I have had literally no money, in fact minus money, flirting at the brink of a £700 overdraft, occasionally going over, with two loans also, but I still wouldn’t have said I was in the same position as many who have no money, because I knew if there was anything I absolutely needed my parents (not wealthy but not on their uppers) would have helped me out, and I also knew I was employed in a job with prospects, and this was a temporary situation. Also I didn’t have kids relying on me. Some people have none of that.

And this, I have the utmost respect for. Acknowledging that at times you had no money. That you had debt, and were overdrawn.

Also acknowledging that it was temporary. And you working with a goal in site, meant that you weren't just allowing the status quo.

Too many people just declare they're broke, when there are options (family, sorting out their spending habits, looking to do something about it, not make excuses and stay in the situation)

Most of MN may not know or have experienced it, but 100% of this government have not a clue about this.

I've seen some posts where posters have bemoaned lack of money and someone will suggest 'can't you use your savings' ? I'm not sure whether this is naivety or a passive aggressive dig.
I've been horribly skint where I have been looking down the back of the sofa and in old coats and now I'm more comfortable I am careful with my language if I am being cautious about spending. For example, I can't justify going on that night out because I am saving for new tyres rather than a blanket 'I'm skint' because I am nowhere near skint. Just not flush.

@newnortherner111

Most of MN may not know or have experienced it, but 100% of this government have not a clue about this.

And it’s a huge problem. The people setting policy, including a lot of civil servants, really don’t have a clue. Sadly.

Some people genuinely don't know, others have been there and got themselves out of that situation.

Sometimes though people use the expression no money when actually they have simply prioritised their spending in a a way that isn't optimal, an outsider can sometimes see this clearer.

I've been there, 20 years ago, no longer an issue. I do debt counselling as part of my job. I never cease to be amazed at the amount of non essential spending people think is essential and the huge amount of unsecured debts people have at a young age. I deal with each client in a non judgemental way giving them simply facts about their situation and advice on getting it under control when I want to say "why are you spending £100 a month on clothes" or "stop taking Uber's"

I have been in the situation where I would describe myself as having "no money", ie had to borrow from family for a food shop / made a choice to feed my daughter instead of me, etc. That was many years ago. I now earn an above average wage and don't struggle anymore, but I never lose sight of what that time in my life was like. It was truly awful.

To be fair to mn there have been "begging" threads on here in the past. Any posts with even a suggestion of it are/should be treated with extreme caution. Giving advice about how to get through a rough patch seems to be a better middle ground than ignoring or wanting to give to people who are strangers on the internet.

I've was financially poor as a child and teenager, not at all as an adult.

@icecolddrinks

And that admitting to having none is humiliating.

I see it here all the time. Someone has no money. Someone suggests something to make life easier. The person says again they have no money. MN suggest a cheaper version.

On the thread about dress up so many people were saying to tell the school.

I know debt and low incomes aren’t ideal but they aren’t uncommon either so why is it so hard to acknowledge that someone might have 3p in their bank account and no money?

It isn't hard to acknowledge I've been there.

When I started out as a legal aid trainee lawyer and paying back law school debt it was living off beans on toast and saying no to every social invitation.

People automatically think lawyer = loaded so people couldn't comprehend the law society recommended minimum wage was abysmal.

I never posted on social media about it though as there was nothing anyone could do. I had to sort it out myself. No holidays, essential clothes and underwear on credit cards, no going out. It took care of itself as my wages eventually got better etc.

What I don't understand is the posts saying I have no money. What are they hoping to achieve? MN suggests cheaper versions and that still isn't good enough.

I'm not sure what response the I have 3p in my account threads are after. There is nothing anyone can do.

I agree - recently sought advice on here and literally the only solutions were to throw money at the problem. If you have no money to Chuck around life is so much harder. The lack of understanding isn’t just not having money to spend, it’s the huge mental impact those on low incomes have to deal with too.

I’ve been properly skint and would have been homeless without family. Thankfully my situation has improved as I’ve got older but I certainly don’t have a great deal of security to deal with life’s peaks and troughs. Like most normal people I rely on debt to manage those!

I have also had zero money before, scrabbling down sofas and looking in drawers for coins to get a pint of milk. So I do sympathise, although for me it was when I was quite young and only for a few years so I haven't experienced it with a family or for a sustained period of time.

MN is incredibly privileged. There is a thread going now about whether 70K a year is average or not (for the record, it is not - it’s top 6%).

I’m not talking about the scamming trolls.

I mean threads like this.

AIBU about this? Ds’s school have organised a charity event where each child pays £1 and has to wear something red. Ds isn’t keen on red so I can’t find anything and I have no money and I don’t have a spare £1

She should go to the charity shop, it’s only a pound, go on Facebook and admit it, tell the school.

That’s what I mean.

OlympicProcrastinator Same here. Refused their supposed help because the cost of being labelled was far higher than the the rewards. It's been better for my kids in the long run through. Because of how they're run, these things are such traps.

Lockheart the downside of it though, is so many people who are looking genuinely for ideas are treated as attempted scammers and just learn that admitting they're in trouble just makes everything worse.

I must admit I’ve found that.

No one has to spend money but the assumption that a poster saying I’m skint = scamming troll has been harmful here I think.

I agree but I think it’s because so many middleclassers throw the word skint and have redefined it
“Oh I’m skint”….having put £800 in my savings, paid off my credit card and still have £200 to last 3 wks

Also people are stupid with money...a friend at the gym is always saying she is struggling for money.

She bought an expensive new car on hire purchase. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Now that car is undoubtedly worth much less than she paid for it and she has expensive payments to make monthly for years.