Your DH seems to be back of the queue when it comes to your time, energy & commitment. Maybe you’ve had an easy concordein the past about hobbies & the time you spend on them, but the past year has torn up many default settings in relationships.
You have said that he has a business - how is this now, thriving? teetering? set to succeed or crumble?
Covid, just Covid - how has this affected him? Lost anyone? Been ill? Struggled with lockdown? Thrived in lockdown?
Teenager in the house - big emotional shifts there as daughter grows up into young woman, for both mother & father.
Oh, what’s that?
‘The back story is that my brother is an alcoholic and has been calling me every day for a month. I've been really stressed over it and trying to help him and this horse thing has been an outlet for me.’
How long are the phone calls? Five minutes? Fifteen? Fifty?
How do you set boundaries to offset the emotional impact of these calls on you? On your family?
What do the calls achieve in getting your brother the help & support he needs?
You say what makes it all worse is ‘ that dh has been so randomly horrible.’
I say that your DH is calling you out on your choices about where you spend your time, effort & emotional commitment. You seem to have lost your centre by focusing on people & matters away from your core purpose. At the nub of this, your DH is pressing your buttons as there is a grain of truth & common sense in what he says. Do yourself a favour of taking some time to consider what he says.
It’s been a shitshow for so many for the past 18 months & understandably we want to do things to make us feel better, but that does not mean throwing the baby out with the bath water.
It’s hot, everyday life is tiring & looks to continue being stressed.
Take steps to limit the phone contact with your alcoholic brother to a set time on a set date, have your own ritual after this contact to release the emotional tension. You may not feel this but the people around you do.