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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

373 replies

mintginger · 17/07/2021 20:54

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 17/07/2021 22:34

I've been off for three months and have made my husband lunch about three times (no kids). And even though I enjoy cooking he still cooks twice a week and have takeaway once.

I do love pouncing around making salads with fresh herbs from the garden whilst he microwaves something at lunch though Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2021 22:34

Where's his PA? Perhaps she'd like to work from the spare room...

Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 22:34

He used to work on a street where there was pretty much every food going. He used to travel a lot as well. To be fair, we have lots of cafes etc in our road too. But he’s training for something now. He doing so much exercise I’m a bit worried and he’s eating less than he used to, I think - mainly because of his bloody salad plantation and obsession about using it.

OP posts:
MythsandSparkles · 17/07/2021 22:36

@marble11

I think if you're a housewife it's your job.
This really.

If you were both working then absolutely not - whoever gets hungry first tends to make for both.

But if your not working, how much effort is it to put something between slices of bread?

Or chop up some salad.

I wouldn’t leave something if I was going out but if I was in the house absolutely I’d make something for DP - why wouldn’t you?

Jangle33 · 17/07/2021 22:37

We both wfh. He usually makes me lunch.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 22:38

But if your not working, how much effort is it to put something between slices of bread?

Except that’s not what he’s asking for. He’s asking for her to pick his salad from the garden and make elaborate flatbreads etc.

thefirstmrsrochester · 17/07/2021 22:38

There’s no way I’d be making DH a lunch out of ‘wifely duty’ because it’s not the 1950s and I’m not the maid. We both WFH 5 days a week, if I’m making lunch for myself, I’ll certainly ask if he wants the same as what I’m having, then double up, if not, he’s more than capable of finding the way to the kitchen on his own.

Traled · 17/07/2021 22:39

But if your not working, how much effort is it to put something between slices of bread?
He doesn't just want a sandwich though, he wants freshly picked salad from the garden and specific superfoods, he's confusing his wife with a line order cook.

If he wants to dictate the menu, time to get involved with cooking or preparing it.

Svalberg · 17/07/2021 22:39

The first week that DP was WFH, I told him that the portion of soup that he had was too much & he should only have half of it (he will admit that he is shit at portion control) Ever since then, he's made the same sort of lunch and given me half - and I've put on weight as I normally only have a cup a soup for lunch... Can't wait for him to go back to the office tbh

2021hwg · 17/07/2021 22:39

I'm at sahm he wfh. He often makes me lunch :)

superhappymagicforest · 17/07/2021 22:40

I WFH and my husband is a SAHD. He’s usually making lunch for the kids so he makes me something but I don’t expect it. On the days when they’re out and about at lunchtime I normally forget to eat 🙈

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 22:41

@Svalberg

The first week that DP was WFH, I told him that the portion of soup that he had was too much & he should only have half of it (he will admit that he is shit at portion control) Ever since then, he's made the same sort of lunch and given me half - and I've put on weight as I normally only have a cup a soup for lunch... Can't wait for him to go back to the office tbh
Bloody hell, you’re putting weight on from a too large portion of soup? What’s in it, cream, cheese, milk and butter?
PickAChew · 17/07/2021 22:41

I'm not going to vote because it's not a matter of should. I do anyway but reserve the right to not be home and have other things to do. I have an older teen with SN who needs catering for, anyhow, so have to make sure something suitable is available for him.

LeSquigh · 17/07/2021 22:45

I’m really surprised at how many people are saying that they absolutely wouldn’t do this. I don’t generally make my DP lunch because the rest of us all have something normal like a roll or sandwich but he insists on a cooked breakfast and lunch which I feel is completely unnecessary. I would be more than happy to make him what we are having though. Neither of us do/can work from home but we do do shifts so one of us is always exhausted and of course we would ask the other if they wanted anything.

If I was a stay at home parent and my DP was working from home I would DEFINITELY offer to make him lunch and leave something ready for him. But then I don’t really know what SAHP really do all day so I can’t comment. And that’s REALLY not me looking down on anyone and of course I understand if there’s lots of kids but I have two young kids and work full time and I genuinely don’t know what I would do all day if I was at home.

GoldenOmber · 17/07/2021 22:45

What happens if you say 'no' to any of these requests OP?

No, I won't make your lunch, I'm going out so you'll need to get your own.
No, I won't faff about for hours making a salmon-and-lamb's-lettuce flatbread with seeds, you can have what I'm having or get your own.
No I won't do your list of tasks, thanks, I have my own plans for today and I don't have time.

What would happen?

TotorosCatBus · 17/07/2021 22:46

Ex used to wfh sometimes. He would make lunch for everyone if we hadn't had ours yet and every time he came down to make a cuppa, he'd make me one too. We met at an office where you never just make yourself a drink - you have to always offer to make one for everyone even if 8 people say yes.

SweetPetrichor · 17/07/2021 22:46

We both WFH and make our own lunches. He does make me a cup of tea in the morning and afternoon when he stops for his break.

TotorosCatBus · 17/07/2021 22:48

On the other hand my teens find it difficult to come up with a list of lunches they might want during school holidays. We eat dinner together but not lunch and I am sick of hearing that there's nothing to eat when they know which day the food delivery comes and I add what they fancy to the order. Angry

HalzTangz · 17/07/2021 22:49

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.
My view on this is if my partner worked, his wage paid all the bills, so I could stay home or go out all day, then I don't think it's overly unfair to make a lunch, or prepare one in advance before you go out. However, if your taking a break but still contributing to your half of the bills, then no he can sort himself out. Why not compromise? Ask him to pick the salad stuff in the evening after work, you can either prep lunch and shove in the fridge, or whip up a salad sarnie in the morning. Tbf salad takes seconds to put together
Summerfun54321 · 17/07/2021 22:51

Was it in your job description as a SAHM to provide your DH with lunch every day? I doubt it.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 22:53

@LeSquigh

I’m really surprised at how many people are saying that they absolutely wouldn’t do this. I don’t generally make my DP lunch because the rest of us all have something normal like a roll or sandwich but he insists on a cooked breakfast and lunch which I feel is completely unnecessary. I would be more than happy to make him what we are having though. Neither of us do/can work from home but we do do shifts so one of us is always exhausted and of course we would ask the other if they wanted anything.

If I was a stay at home parent and my DP was working from home I would DEFINITELY offer to make him lunch and leave something ready for him. But then I don’t really know what SAHP really do all day so I can’t comment. And that’s REALLY not me looking down on anyone and of course I understand if there’s lots of kids but I have two young kids and work full time and I genuinely don’t know what I would do all day if I was at home.

If you were at home all day with the kids you’d do the job that their nursery/childcare does. Supervise them, play with them, be responsible for their development etc. What do you think a childminder does all day with their charges? Or a nursery?
SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2021 22:56

@HalzTangz so what happens if you're ahm to facilitate his irregular hours ,/ shifts / lung coming etx
F you wanted to print that you could have said

Rainbowsew · 17/07/2021 22:58

@mintginger

I am not a person who likes to eat at fixed times and I never did, so the fact he has to have lunch made in an exact window of time, is something I am finding claustrophobic. Plus, all this bloody salad in the garden - I’m not sure about as I’m certain nextdoor’s cats are peeing in it. I know this might all sound sound ridiculous, but I’m not joking and don’t mean to sound mad. He is very busy, all the time and this is the vibe I live with. I was just wondering what other people would do in this scenario.
In this scenario I would have a frank conversation about how you don't eat lunch at a set time and have other stuff to do in the day.

If he wants salad suggest he picks some before work, it's good to have fresh air Wink or he gets it after the working day ready for his next lunch, he could even prepare the salad and leave it in the fridge ready...

Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 23:01

I don’t think contributing to the bills has much to do with it and he’s not bothered about that at all. But I think, probably because he’s working and I’m not, I wouldn’t just say a flat “no” when he asks me to do something for him. To be fair, he wouldn’t say a flat “no” to me either if there was something I wanted or needed. But the difference is, I don’t ask him to do anything really. Well, not on a day to day basis.

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 17/07/2021 23:02

We're both retired so at home. My husband tends to make lunch and I usually do the evening meal. Kids: I do their packed lunches on the days they don't fancy school lunch and my husband does their lunches along with ours when they're home. It usually works out fairly evenly.

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