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Original poster

Can I message my child’s ex teacher on Facebook?

251 replies

Haava123 · 17/07/2021 00:37

I’m a single mum, a couple of years a go I had a major crush on my son’s teacher, it was also very clear that he was feeling the same, he couldn’t take his eyes off me, there was so much chemistry between us and we couldn’t hide our smile every time we talk. Unfortunately, this didn’t go anywhere because we didn’t have a chance to make a move. Since then I kept thinking of him although I didn’t see him for over a year because of Covid. I recently found out that he is leaving the school and I feel devastated. I don’t know if he is with someone now, and I don’t know if he is moving to another city but the idea that I’m no going to see him ever again is making me really sad.

Is it ok to send him a message on Facebook? I’m not planning to send him a friend request, and I know it will look really weird and unprofessional, but all I want is to have one private conversation with him, and hopefully stay in contact somehow. Please advise!

OP posts:
ViewFromTheTowers · 17/07/2021 08:09

What is creepy about messaging someone? She isn't breaking into his house and sitting in the dark waiting for him. He can acknowledge, brush her off or ignore. Life is way too short OP, message him or friend request him, see what happens.

As a teacher I am sure there are professional rules around contacting a parent of a child who used to be in your class and if you had misread the situation there could be repercussions. Surely you just hope you were obvious enough and that the parent will contact you.

Can I also point out that as parents we are often nice to teachers we dislike because we fear backlash on our children that you are currently teaching or that you might end up teaching our younger children and we will have to be face to face with you again at parents' evening. It goes both ways. Wink

PrincessMyshkin · 17/07/2021 08:12

I suppose I just feel there are so few occasions where you experience a potential connection that it is worth putting yourself out there. It's important this is done the right way though. I do get that those in public facing positions find themselves in receipt of a lot of unwanted attention this way though, I'm not a teacher but in past jobs have had to become adept at deflecting same.

Happymum12345 · 17/07/2021 08:12

Go for it! He’s leaving your child’s school. Seize the day and all that!

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 08:14

I don't think messaging to say something like good by and good luck is an issue.he can always ignore or come back flirty. Horrified by previous poster who claims to work in a school and thinks and interested man would look up student's parent's phone number and note it down! Shock

Certainly not if he wants to keep working.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 17/07/2021 08:15

OP's talk of it being 'very clear' that he feels as she does; that he 'couldn't take his eyes off (her)'; there being 'so much chemistry' etc etc, suggests she's not alive at all to the possibility that she mistaken - which is very foolish in this sort of situation.

slashlover · 17/07/2021 08:17

Surely if it's been a few years then he's had plenty of chance to send you a FB message or request?

Meh. It doesn't really matter if he's repulsed at the very thought of recieving a "creepy" fb friend request, you're not going to see him again so you've got nothing to lose!

Wow.

Divebar2021 · 17/07/2021 08:17

Well a family friend is now married to a woman who was his children’s teacher. He was in fact married to his first wife when he met her.

saraclara · 17/07/2021 08:19

@LongTimeMammaBear

Surely there were at least two conversations, one to one, for parent teacher conference / parents evening. If he were interested, he could have asked you for coffee or a drink.
...and then faced a disciplinary.

Teachers simply cannot do that. Likewise the poster who said he could get her number from school records.

thesunwillout · 17/07/2021 08:20

Deffo go for it, why not!?

You'll always be wondering otherwise.

It's not a big deal to fancy someone, and he may well have fancied you.
He may have been being nice and open, or just flirting. If he's interested you'll get a reply.

I'm sure if he did fancy you back then he may well have been looking out for his job and being professional by not instigating something.

He would have had no idea if you were just being friendly or not.

It's something or nothing and if I were you I'd want to know.

Houseofvelour · 17/07/2021 08:21

Do it and then update us Grin

FreeBritnee · 17/07/2021 08:24

I’d be more inclined to friend request him than message him. The message will end up in a folder he’ll probably never check. At least if you friend request he can choose whether to accept or not and then you can see if he’s single from his newsfeed and go from there.

Lovemusic33 · 17/07/2021 08:26

Nothing to lose so you might as well try. Is there anyway of checking out his social media to see if he’s actually single before sending him a message?

Katkinsgreyy · 17/07/2021 08:27

Go for it. It's just a friendly message or friend request. People who think it's creepy are just being silly.

You'll end up regretting not giving it a shot.

ObviousNameChage · 17/07/2021 08:27

Send him a FB friend request first. He'll either accept or ignore it and that's the first hurdle. If he ignores it, he's obviously not interested in any form of contact with you , so then you know.

If he accepts , a bright and easy message wishing him good luck opens the door for communication without being too forward or overwhelming.

AntiSocialDistancer · 17/07/2021 08:36

@Arrrghh

Tbh I’d just send him a friend request. If you message as a stranger it will go to his alternative inbox and he may never see it. If he accepts your request, brill, send him a message. If he doesn’t accept, there’s your answer. He’s moving to a different school- it’s not unprofessional.
I would also do this
Uramaki · 17/07/2021 08:37

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

OP's talk of it being 'very clear' that he feels as she does; that he 'couldn't take his eyes off (her)'; there being 'so much chemistry' etc etc, suggests she's not alive at all to the possibility that she mistaken - which is very foolish in this sort of situation.
I agree.
Carrotca · 17/07/2021 08:38

I'd send him a friendly message. What have you got to lose? If you liked him and there is a chance he liked you back then what is in the harm in a friendly message?!x

OhDear2200 · 17/07/2021 08:39

Shocked at how many people saying this is ok!

I work in a public facing job like teaching and I would be uncomfortable and upset if a client did this. I don’t expect to be flirted with when doing my job.

So when you were talking about your child’s education you were flirting with him? Not ok.

Uramaki · 17/07/2021 08:39

Go for it. It's just a friendly message or friend request. People who think it's creepy are just being silly.

I assure you I am not being silly. I am deadly serious. This would cross the line from my professional life to my personal life and I would not be happy to have men who I have met in a professional capacity hitting on me through Facebook.

OneForTheRoadThen · 17/07/2021 08:39

@FrogWaa

I don't think messaging to say something like good by and good luck is an issue.he can always ignore or come back flirty. Horrified by previous poster who claims to work in a school and thinks and interested man would look up student's parent's phone number and note it down! Shock

Certainly not if he wants to keep working.

This. There's been 2 teachers who've suggested he could look up OP's phone number from school records. This is much more creepy and unprofessional than a Facebook message! Surprised they think this is acceptable
OhDear2200 · 17/07/2021 08:40

@Divebar2021

Well a family friend is now married to a woman who was his children’s teacher. He was in fact married to his first wife when he met her.
Nice.
slashlover · 17/07/2021 08:41

@Katkinsgreyy

Go for it. It's just a friendly message or friend request. People who think it's creepy are just being silly.

You'll end up regretting not giving it a shot.

Are the teachers who have posted about being in that exact situation or the people who work with teachers being silly?
TheSaucepanMan · 17/07/2021 08:43

Message him, how will you ever know what 'might' be if you listen to others.

peachesarenom · 17/07/2021 08:44

Go for it!

I can tell you there is no way a teacher can instigate this, they just can't make the move, it would be so unprofessional! You'd have to do it. I remember being really blown away by a dad on parents evening once. Couldn't take my eyes off him!

Good Luck!

ImaHogg · 17/07/2021 08:44

A FB friends request really is your best and only option, if he accepts it then fab you can message him and hopefully continue contact, if it's ignored or deleted then time to move on from this and enjoy the flirty memories!
Op are you even 100% sure he's single?