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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Overheard parents bitching about me

401 replies

Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 16:43

Parents have come to stay at our house for a few weeks. Toddler Dd is very active, parents aren’t old, but I can see how she could wear them out, she wears me out!
Dd went into the front garden and I got the key to lock the front gate and just said to mum if she ever goes in the garden just as a heads up to lock the gate if I’m not here etc (in toilet, getting changed, wherever)
Went to lock it and went to go into the kitchen and heard dad saying to mum why was I saying that to my mum as if she should know, followed by my mum saying how Dd never stops and it’s just a bit tiring. Dad then started to say how my mum has to learn to say no. Bearing in mind, I’ve never asked them to babysit, my sister constantly puts both kids on them, mum used to pick them up every day after school when they were younger and my sister even went away for a week and left them with my mum.
I never ask them for anything, was giving a heads up considering we’re all in the same house for the next few weeks.
Aibu to feel hurt and pissed off by this

OP posts:

ForeverSausages · 16/07/2021 17:38

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@Dddccc The door isn’t unlocked 🤷🏻‍♀️ The patio door is locked, if she asked to go in the front garden, the front gate needs to be locked.[/quote]
Cor I wonder how many times you can say this. And I still can't understand what your dad meant by your mum needing to say no to. No to what? You made them aware of something, in case they didn't know, which concerned your child's safety. You didn't ask them to do anything. I'd be pissed off (and my son was hard work as a toddler haha).

NigellaSeed · 16/07/2021 17:38

OP my "in-laws" are coming to staY for a week tomorrow and whilst I want them to be comfy and happy during their stay, our day revolves around my 1 year old and I sure as shit would be pointing out safety things such as your gate, and I fully expect them to watch DS when I go for a wee, make dinner etc. In fact they'll probably run away with him to have some fun as they're travelling here to spend time with him. I don't know why you're parents think spending time with DD is such a liberty. :S

Zari29 · 16/07/2021 17:39

She’s so excited to see them, yes it’s wearing but I’d assume they want to spend time with her

You are being unfair here. If it is wearing, then it's wearing. No amount of joy is going to make up for being worn out. I'm not being harsh. I find my own dc wearing and for that I wouldn't expect my dp's not to feel that way. Nothing wrong with your DC. When your dsis kids were younger so were your parents?

BlueSurfer · 16/07/2021 17:40

Aibu to feel hurt and pissed off by this

I didn’t think what they did was that bad. I certainly think you starting this thread to complain about them was worse.

TeeBee · 16/07/2021 17:41

I wouldn't be surprised if this is actually perhaps to do with your your mum is overdoing it with her other grandchildren and your dad has witness her pushing herself too hard. It may be a general frustration that she is taking on more than she can handle and its come out in this conversation between them. Either way, I think its a good idea to bring it up with them and try to get to the bottom of their concerns.

Toddlers are hard work...and that's that. You've done nothing wrong at all. So I do think it would benefit you to understand fully what their problem is and then go from there.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 17:42

Why is your toddler playing in the front garden, when it's clearly not safe and you clearly also have a back garden?

BlueSurfer · 16/07/2021 17:44

[quote GreyhoundG1rl]Why is your toddler playing in the front garden, when it's clearly not safe and you clearly also have a back garden?

TeeBee · 16/07/2021 17:45

My kids have always played in the front garden as our back garden is small and is only a yard. And I always had to do the same with locking the gate.

alongwiththesunshine · 16/07/2021 17:45

I'm with you OP.

Idc how wearing your toddler is, my dd is to, and the fact your mother and dad have come to visit for weeks on end would suggest that a lil break wouldn't go a miss here and there. They should be offering to look after her while you have a hour to yourself or even more, not moaning because you've told them to keep the gate locked for safety reasons.

If you hadn't told them, and your little one god forbid went wandering and got lost, they would be the first to shift blame to you for not warning them!

I can understand your frustration.
My mother is a childminder for my brothers kids 4,3,1 every day.

Comes to visits me once a year for about 6 hours and when I said I'm going to get a quick shower had the audacity to say "oh so I'm the babysitter now"

Parents can be very hurtful and favourites with no remorse whatsoever

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:49

then why are they insisting on staying for 6 weeks.. with a 2 week break inbetween ..

and yes you are being harsh on OP 🌸

Topseyt · 16/07/2021 17:50

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@toastantea Wtf? Are you reading what I’m saying[/quote]
No. @toastantea is twisting your words and is determined to stick the boot in.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Bobrosspaintbrush · 16/07/2021 17:51

Did you live abroad before having children?
Did your parents come and visit you abroad before you had your daughter?
If yes then maybe they were expecting it to be like it was then. A relaxing holiday.
You don’t sound off to me they were moaning, and I could understand from your post what you were getting at by telling your mother about the garden gate. Better safe than sorry sort of thing.

CanofCant · 16/07/2021 17:51

YANBU. I assume you live in a nice holiday destination abroad and they have invited themselves over for a fully catered holiday at your expense and yet are treating your child like a burden.

Your request to lock the gate was completely reasonable, it was a sensible and ordinary exchange. They sound like grumpy arseholes tbh. I understand they are older now than when they looked after your sister's children but not something you have control over and it was really mean spirited to complain about you while you were presumably in earshot.

Could you imagine if you hadn't mentioned it to them and they opened the patio door, left her unsupervised and then turned it on you if something had happened to her? 'Why didn't you just tell us to lock the gate, we didn't know?'

YANBU to be hurt by their attitude. If they want to relax alone then they can shell out for their own accommodation.

toastantea · 16/07/2021 17:54

@Topseyt

I wasn't trying to twist any words or stick any boots in. I may have misunderstood, but I'm not here to twist anything. I have enough trouble working out the actual situation never mind twisting it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 17:57

[quote toastantea]@Topseyt

I wasn't trying to twist any words or stick any boots in. I may have misunderstood, but I'm not here to twist anything. I have enough trouble working out the actual situation never mind twisting it. [/quote]
You and me both.

DysmalRadius · 16/07/2021 18:03

The situation is that normally, if the OP were upstairs and her daughter was downstairs, nobody would open the front door. The daughter would presumably ask OP to go out and gate would be locked.

If the OP is upstairs and her parents are downstairs, not responsible for, but closer to her daughter, she might ask them and they might let her out without realising that the gate needs to be locked.

No childcare involved, but a situation that could easily happen.

quizqueen · 16/07/2021 18:03

I think you need to get a thicker skin, to be honest, and not be such a snowflake about comments made about your child.

Original poster

Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 18:05

@DysmalRadius Thank you! 🙈🤣

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 16/07/2021 18:05

"A few weeks" made my blood run cold!

toastantea · 16/07/2021 18:09

@DysmalRadius

The situation is that normally, if the OP were upstairs and her daughter was downstairs, nobody would open the front door. The daughter would presumably ask OP to go out and gate would be locked.

No childcare involved, but a situation that could easily happen.

Thank you. I didn't get that without it being spelt out 🙈

wigjuice · 16/07/2021 18:11

It sounds to me they are just using you for free accommodation whilst on holiday. There is absolutely no appreciation for you at all and your childs safety just seems an inconvenience.

ShagMeRiggins · 16/07/2021 18:12

@toastantea

If you were not expecting your parents to watch your DD why did you need to tell your mum to lock the gate if your child goes outside?

Because it’s a sensible thing to do, and to remind people who don’t spend time with the toddler.

There’s a difference between asking people/family to babysit your children vs simply informing people/family how and why things are done in your home because you know your children well.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 18:13

@DysmalRadius

The situation is that normally, if the OP were upstairs and her daughter was downstairs, nobody would open the front door. The daughter would presumably ask OP to go out and gate would be locked.

No childcare involved, but a situation that could easily happen.

Most people would preempt this becoming a "situation" by just having the gate locked...

starfishmummy · 16/07/2021 18:13

And why the gate isn’t always locked in case she goes out there.

Presumably because people coming to the house need to be able to get through it.

Although this being mumsnet, I guess no one is allowed to call without making an appointment and having it confirmed a million times.

DysmalRadius · 16/07/2021 18:15

Most people would preempt this becoming a "situation" by just having the gate locked...

Indeed - in fact, I think that was what the OP was hoping for when she asked her parents to lock the gate.

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