Overheard parents bitching about me

[Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]

Parents have come to stay at our house for a few weeks. Toddler Dd is very active, parents aren’t old, but I can see how she could wear them out, she wears me out!
Dd went into the front garden and I got the key to lock the front gate and just said to mum if she ever goes in the garden just as a heads up to lock the gate if I’m not here etc (in toilet, getting changed, wherever)
Went to lock it and went to go into the kitchen and heard dad saying to mum why was I saying that to my mum as if she should know, followed by my mum saying how Dd never stops and it’s just a bit tiring. Dad then started to say how my mum has to learn to say no. Bearing in mind, I’ve never asked them to babysit, my sister constantly puts both kids on them, mum used to pick them up every day after school when they were younger and my sister even went away for a week and left them with my mum.
I never ask them for anything, was giving a heads up considering we’re all in the same house for the next few weeks.
Aibu to feel hurt and pissed off by this

@Bluntness100 It isn’t until they come to stay with us and complain when I’m not asking them to do anything

I think they forget how hard toddlers can be. My mother used make a big deal if we asked for help. !! But yeh op not nice to overhear it

I've just seen that you say you live abroad and so your parents have to stay with you when they see you... surely you living in another country explains why they can babysit your sister's children and pick them up after school and not yours? What do you expect really in this situation?

She was also saying she doesn’t she doesn’t remember the other kids being as hard work That's what I meant by disciplining your dsis kids. Some kids are harder work though, nothing you can do.

If you were not expecting your parents to watch your DD why did you need to tell your mum to lock the gate if your child goes outside?

I don’t think it was really that bad. I wonder if it feels worse to you because you (understandably) feel a bit defensive about the fact that they look after your daughter’s kids so much but not yours?

Adults will annoy each other if they’re under each other’s feet too much. I would try to just let it go as something said in one moment that wasn’t meant to be overheard.

My mother forgets to hang up her mobile calls to me. Many times I have caught her bitching about me to my father at the end of a call. I always call her out though 'if you are going to slag me off to dad remember to end the call first'

If they were just visiting for the day or whatever then I’d leave it but as they are staying in your house for 3 weeks I would say something. Doesn’t need to be a big deal but I’d just say I overheard what you said, all I meant was that for safety we lock the gate when DD is in the garden. It doesn’t mean I’m expecting I’m going out and anyone to look after her, as you know we do all the childcare ourselves and we don’t expect anyone to do this for us. We just want the gate to be locked for safety. She is hard work because she’s two so that’s why I am saying it.

Struggling to find the bitchiness in what you overheard...

@toastantea If I aaa upstairs or something and Dd asked to go in the front garden, my parents would likely just let her out without realising she is now able to open the latch etc

Why don't you just tell them? I'm upset that you feel you need to say no to me more when I don't feel like I ever ask you to do anything. I feel like you baby sit for X Y and Z all the time and never offer for me which is fine, but saying you need to say 'no' more to me upset me.

Bearing in mind, I’ve never asked them to babysit, my sister constantly puts both kids on them, mum used to pick them up every day after school when they were younger and my sister even went away for a week and left them with my mum

It sounds as if your sister's children are much older than your DD, so your parents would have been 5-10 years younger when babysitting/picking up from school. So it could just be that they are not as up for it as they were when they are younger (especially going back to the toddler years). I know that's not your fault, and nor is the fact that they live nearer to your sister than to you, but unfortunately it's just the way things are sometimes.

@Freecuthbert That’s ok and I totally get that, I just don’t want to be bitched about if I mention about the safety of a gate, shucker they’re staying in my house. Is that really so tiring and such a responsibility for her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you the poster where parents have invited themselves for 3 weeks, short break then 2 weeks? Tbh the other kids may not have been so bad, as your dm was younger, she was around them a lot so was used to them. If you’re anxious about them staying then it’s going to come across to them, you may need to clear the air a little.
Re the gate, making someone aware of how a child acts is normal. Dd goes outside, dgm thinks oh she does that all the time and passes no heed because she doesn’t know mum locks the gate if df goes out.

@Paddingtonthebear Yes, that sounds fair

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@Freecuthbert That’s ok and I totally get that, I just don’t want to be bitched about if I mention about the safety of a gate, shucker they’re staying in my house. Is that really so tiring and such a responsibility for her 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Again, I wouldn't say they were bitching about you at all. I think you're overthinking this. And toddlers are tiring. They didn't say locking the gate was tiring. They are presumably quite a bit older than you, I consider my own mum relatively young but she is still 20 years older than me and not used to looking after a toddler day to day anymore.

Yeah, your mum shouldn't have moaned about what you said, if you didn't say it your dd could have let herself out the gate.
Sounds a bit strained overall really. Sad, but not sure I'd be inviting them back so soon. Sounds like it's a bit much for them, maybe they could stay elsewhere if they visit again.

I don't really get why people are questioning this so much. I would feel a but put out by this too honestly. I guess it depends on tone and how you feel about your relationship with you parents generally. Never nice to overhear things about yourself anyway

@Lollypop701 Yes, perhaps that’s why I feel a little put out too

Hardly say they were bitchin about you. I wish my Mil would say No to my kids sometimes they run her ragged and if I'm around I'm the one who has to say it when I can see she is tired.

I don’t think that sounds bad at all. I wouldn’t worry about it.

@Freecuthbert But, she’s not looking after her…they’ve come to stay with us, their choice. Toddlers are active etc, they have to work around it and I wasn’t asking anything of them

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@toastantea If I aaa upstairs or something and Dd asked to go in the front garden, my parents would likely just let her out without realising she is now able to open the latch etc[/quote]

So the expectation is they will be looking after her. If they were not there she would not be going out unless you let her out.

@Moomala No, but I think she was talking about saying no to me, when I’ve never even asked anything of her

Obviously what they said is not great. I would assume for now, that either they misunderstood or see the gate as your responsibility and don't want to take that task on. As for your DD being constantly on the go, that is just how some kids are. If they say anything else then I would be saying something. If they have come for a quiet holiday, they should of checked into a hotel. If they have come to visit, then you are not going to alter you child to suit them. Good luck