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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overheard parents bitching about me

401 replies

Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 16:43

Parents have come to stay at our house for a few weeks. Toddler Dd is very active, parents aren’t old, but I can see how she could wear them out, she wears me out!
Dd went into the front garden and I got the key to lock the front gate and just said to mum if she ever goes in the garden just as a heads up to lock the gate if I’m not here etc (in toilet, getting changed, wherever)
Went to lock it and went to go into the kitchen and heard dad saying to mum why was I saying that to my mum as if she should know, followed by my mum saying how Dd never stops and it’s just a bit tiring. Dad then started to say how my mum has to learn to say no. Bearing in mind, I’ve never asked them to babysit, my sister constantly puts both kids on them, mum used to pick them up every day after school when they were younger and my sister even went away for a week and left them with my mum.
I never ask them for anything, was giving a heads up considering we’re all in the same house for the next few weeks.
Aibu to feel hurt and pissed off by this

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:23

@toastantea If I was upstairs and Dd downstairs, I obviously wouldn’t be able to let her out and she wouldn’t be there without me watching.
The expectation wouldn’t be they’d be looking after her, they might let her out if she asked them, without realising about the gate

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:23

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@Lollypop701 Yes, perhaps that’s why I feel a little put out too[/quote]
OMG Send them Home OP... they're bang out of order 😳

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:24

Well spotted @Lollypop701 🌸

Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:24

Also, I’m not being funny. But they come to stay at our house for extended periods, have all meals made for them, everything done for them. If I were to ask for help, would that really be so awful

OP posts:
Nuggetnugget · 16/07/2021 17:24

That's unfair toast
She's still there and grandparents are in the garden and came to see their grandchild.

Divineswirls · 16/07/2021 17:25

Just all sit down and get it off your chests and talk about it to each other.

Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:26

@PurpleMustang Yes, that’s how I feel. I can’t tiptoe around my own house with my own child

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/07/2021 17:26

Tell them they're welcome to piss off to a hotel if asking to keep your child safe is a major intrusion on them.

Dddccc · 16/07/2021 17:27

Why would you leave your door unlocked so a toddler can get out without you is more my concern

WrongWayApricot · 16/07/2021 17:27

Yanbu, maybe they should get a hotel if it's too tiring for them to know how the gate needs to be used for DD's safety.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 16/07/2021 17:27

@gamerchick

Tell them they're welcome to piss off to a hotel if asking to keep your child safe is a major intrusion on them.
^This.

Or they can go home.

KatherineSiena · 16/07/2021 17:28

I think they have been a bit mean too especially now I’ve realised that they are the parents that have invited themselves for extended breaks all over the summer and your DH’s holiday if I recall.

You’re quite right to have mentioned the latch to them. Children can dart around very quickly so that is a sensible precaution. More broadly, you need to be more assertive with your parents. No they don’t owe you any babysitting or help but by the same token you don’t owe them extended holidays, pandering to them whenever they want. I do think the backstory does impact your current state of mind. So if they won’t babysit while they are there you certainly shouldn’t be altering your schedule or your DD’s too much to accommodate them.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:28

@Summerisntwhatitusedtobe

Also, I’m not being funny. But they come to stay at our house for extended periods, have all meals made for them, everything done for them. If I were to ask for help, would that really be so awful

You're not being unreasonable.. they have literally come to yours .. for 3 weeks.. to park their arses and expecting be catered too hand and foot.. then go home for a 2 week rest.. then are coming back to your for an additional 3 weeks again expected to be catered too hand and foot..

and they're being snidey about you asking them to make sure the gates locked because the bairn can reach it and escape ..

Id have packed their stuff for them... but then again I would not have agreed to the 6 week trip albeit 2 weeks inbetween...

Jog On ...

Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:28

@Nuggetnugget That’s how I feel. I often notice they look like it’s too much to play with her sometimes. She’s so excited to see them, yes it’s wearing but I’d assume they want to spend time with her

OP posts:
Topseyt · 16/07/2021 17:28

Tell them that you heard that and why it has upset you. You don't ask them for very much and they hardly see you so something like that could hurt when it wouldn't otherwise.

A direct question might make the point effectively. Such as "When was the last time I asked any childcare favours if you?"

Of course you needed to ensure that they knew not to let DD out the front without locking the gate first. I don't see why anyone is questioning that. If you've only nipped to the toilet then it is hardly asking for hours of babysitting.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 16/07/2021 17:28

Sounds all a bit of a storm in a tea cup to be honest. It’s hard for most parents and their grown up kids to stay in the same house for a long time - you have to relearn how to live around each other.

They sound tired. You sound resentful over how much more they did for your sister (when they were younger and your sister closer).

Let it go and give them some space. I can see my PIL get more exhausted by my kids than they did their first set of grandkids, purely because they are older now and get tired quicker. The heat might not help.

Divineswirls · 16/07/2021 17:29

Have a so called 'family meeting' to discuss these issues, resolve them and move on. Make it formal in a comical way if they're that way inclined to take the edge off

toastantea · 16/07/2021 17:29

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@toastantea If I was upstairs and Dd downstairs, I obviously wouldn’t be able to let her out and she wouldn’t be there without me watching.
The expectation wouldn’t be they’d be looking after her, they might let her out if she asked them, without realising about the gate[/quote]

So she would be with you. So there is an expectation as she is with them.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:29

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321

Sounds all a bit of a storm in a tea cup to be honest. It’s hard for most parents and their grown up kids to stay in the same house for a long time - you have to relearn how to live around each other.

They sound tired. You sound resentful over how much more they did for your sister (when they were younger and your sister closer).

Let it go and give them some space. I can see my PIL get more exhausted by my kids than they did their first set of grandkids, purely because they are older now and get tired quicker. The heat might not help.

give them SPACE ?

they're at OP's for two 3 week breaks !?

Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:29

@Dddccc The door isn’t unlocked 🤷🏻‍♀️ The patio door is locked, if she asked to go in the front garden, the front gate needs to be locked.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:30

Find your voice OP... you're an adult and this is your Childs safety.. if they can't be bothered to care about locking a gate.. then they can GO HOME 🌸

Notaroadrunner · 16/07/2021 17:32

Tell them you overheard them. Tell them that this is what life is like in your house. If they find it too much they can book a hotel/Airbnb or change their flights and piss off home.

Original poster
Summerisntwhatitusedtobe · 16/07/2021 17:32

@toastantea Wtf? Are you reading what I’m saying

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 17:34

[quote Summerisntwhatitusedtobe]@toastantea Wtf? Are you reading what I’m saying[/quote]

clearly not 😂

Pemba · 16/07/2021 17:35

I know what you mean OP, I'd feel hurt too. Especially considering how they were with your sister's kids. And that they are enjoying your hospitality. It could just be that they're a bit older now, but they are coming across as quite unkind.

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