I don't know how I can live with myself knowing I did this....

[ArDali1]

This morning I was looking forward to having toast and jam.
I was ready to butter my toast.......... but I spread the jam first. 😳
I had to add the butter in a way that it was mixed with the jam. Still tasty but it's not the same.
I know I'm a monster.....

Please tell me I'm not the only one to fuck up something as simple as toast and jam.

OF COURSE YOU CAN. I work in a cafe and people ask for it all the time.
I know the saying goes 'the customer is always right', but these people are wrong.

Clotted cream is not an upgrade for butter imo. Butter I'd only put a thin layer on. Clotted cream goes on by the spoonful and needs to be at least half an inch thick. This is PRECISELY it. My DP does cream first (I know, LTB) and scrapes it on. It's depressing.

It's not properly clotted if there's only spooning cream I think Clawed and I both know that we DO mean clotted cream, just dropped onto the scone.

If it makes you feel better I ate a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar for breakfast this morning. With a bottle of Iron Bru.

Sometimes I miss my mouth when taking a sip

Cancel the cheque!

Also:

Sausage sandwich = butter.

Bacon sandwich = no butter.

I'd have mixed crunchy peanut butter on top of that OP. bliss.

Sit tight op

Mumsnet swat team will be along shortly to relieve you of your mumsnet scarf and bathroom key

Please use the door on the left when leaving it goes straight through to Nethuns who are waiting to greet you

@duffmcstockings

Whenever anyone says butter or jam? I always think of the Railway Children's mum'butter or jam Tommy, we aren't rich anymore'

It was Phyllis who was about to put jam on her butter!

@Deloresmessi

If it makes you feel better I ate a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar for breakfast this morning. With a bottle of Iron Bru.

I bet you put Pineapple on your Pizza too

I bet you put Pineapple on your Pizza too
I will argue to the death for pineapple on pizza.

A few months ago I was heating a carton smoked haddock chowder in the microwave, I had also the previous day made stilton and broccoli soup which was still in the pan. As the first soup was reheating and I had a bowl ready for it I decanted the s and b soup from the pan into another bowl, ready for the fridge. When the smoked haddock soup pinged, I carefully lifted it out and, I'm sure you're ahead of me, poured it into the second bowl, on top of the broccoli and stilton! All I can say is that having been married to a Yorkshireman for 50+ years I felt obliged to eat it, it's not the best thing I've ever had!

Of course you need both, the butter to moisten the toast and the jam to be jam!

Absolutely. Butter is merely an undercoat. I wouldn't put anything on toast without butter underneath.

Someone needs to report you to social services.
You are clearly not a responsible mother.

I feel slightly queezy reading this OP.

I don't understand why you would even attempt to add butter at that stage. Ideal is butter (melted in) and then jam, but if I forgot the butter, I would have just eaten it with the jam. Adding the butter afterwards is just weird and wrong.

I'm glad it's not just me who has jam or butter.
Marmalade not jam for me

@Rosiiiiie

You most definitely DO NOT butter scones. And it’s jam first THEN cream on top. What are we teaching our children!!!

Someone from Cornwall once told me that in Devon they do cream then jam, it hides the poor quality of Devon cream!

On a skiing holiday I took some items from the hotel breakfast buffet. Toast, jam and a little plastic pot of butter or margarine. I did this on repeat for the entire week.
On final day someone asked me why I was eating toast with jam and cheese.
In my defence I don't speak or read German.

@Chikapu

I made myself a cup of tea and forgot the teabag so it was just a cup of hot water with milk, blech. I've showered more than once with my glasses on.

We once attended the wedding of our best man, he came up to us at the reception and said I knew you were coming when the in-laws said an empty reply envelope arrived, only he'd do that! My late OH had sent our acceptance but not put it into the envelope!

@TheFoundations

I once opened a lovely new pack of coffee, and poured the whole thing into an 8 cup cafetiere.

The logical solution was to pour it back out into a container, and carry on as normal, but I hadn't had any coffee yet, so I looked at it for about 3 minutes, then had a little cry.

That would absolutely be me if I did that first thing in the morning

Oh the humanity!! Won't something think of the children?!!

(Throws arms up in horror)

@IntermittentParps

I bet you put Pineapple on your Pizza too I will argue to the death for pineapple on pizza.

The barbarians are at the gates. Heaven help us

@PurpleDaisies

Clotted cream on toast is all kinds of wrong.

Clotted cream on anything is right. But if on a scone it is jam first.

@JudgeJ where are your bowls from? Mine definitely wouldn’t fit two bowls of soup! Also I admire you admitting you leave things out over night, you’ll be attacked round here!

All this talk of butter has made me crave chocolate fudge with a slab of butter on top, heated in the microwave until the butter starts to melt and drip down the sides. [slurp]

To paraphrase a PP, I have no idea why I'm fat. :-)