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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Assaulted at school

200 replies

Theoneandonly321 · 16/07/2021 14:19

Posting here for traffic
My dd has been severely assaulted at school by another child. The child has been excluded. What action can I take as this is the third time the child has hurt my child and there wasn’t any consequences beforehand.
Am I able to call the police as the child is 10 and google says they are now above the legal age for criminal responsibility. Any advice appreciated I am so angry and upset.

OP posts:
Myothercarisalsoshit · 16/07/2021 22:26

Lots of people on here saying that schools are rubbish at dealing with situations like this but the reality is that schools must act in the best interests of BOTH children.

Staffholidayclubrep · 16/07/2021 22:30

You can ask to make a complaint to the School Chair of Governors if you feel the Head has not responded appropriately.

Exclusions can be temporary for only one or two days. Permanent exclusions are rare and will probably involve a number of agencies.

Staffholidayclubrep · 16/07/2021 22:47

Oh and your daughter is worth £4000 a year in terms of funding. If she is not there and space is not filled that will hit the school budget.

Also, you could call the LEA and ask what placement support they can offer you under the circumstances.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 16/07/2021 22:54

What a lot of ridiculous posts. A SEN pupil wallops another kid and there are cries to report to the governors, the police, the MASH, the local MP and to instruct a lawyer to seek compensation.

What has happened to OPs child is awful. I don't suppose there is a member of staff in the school who thinks otherwise. Children should be safe at school, absolutely.

But those baying for action need to understand that, as long as the behaviour policy has been followed, as long as it has been taken seriously and addressed - and it has been, with a fixed term exclusion and other actions that op will be unaware of - then no police officer, governor, MP or solicitor will be able to do a damn thing about it, and it's nowhere near the threshold for MASH involvement. In fact, bonkers time-wasting referrals like this one would be are part of the problem by tying up the time of supporting professionals who are busy responding to this nonsense instead of doing their jobs.

maddy68 · 16/07/2021 22:58

Report to the police. Schools are limited in what they can do.

korawick12345 · 16/07/2021 23:00

@fourminutestosavetheworld

What a lot of ridiculous posts. A SEN pupil wallops another kid and there are cries to report to the governors, the police, the MASH, the local MP and to instruct a lawyer to seek compensation.

What has happened to OPs child is awful. I don't suppose there is a member of staff in the school who thinks otherwise. Children should be safe at school, absolutely.

But those baying for action need to understand that, as long as the behaviour policy has been followed, as long as it has been taken seriously and addressed - and it has been, with a fixed term exclusion and other actions that op will be unaware of - then no police officer, governor, MP or solicitor will be able to do a damn thing about it, and it's nowhere near the threshold for MASH involvement. In fact, bonkers time-wasting referrals like this one would be are part of the problem by tying up the time of supporting professionals who are busy responding to this nonsense instead of doing their jobs.

At last someone with some sanity, knowledge and a sense of proportion! The sheer volume of absolute codswallop on this thread is quite extraordinary.
TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 23:02

Oh and your daughter is worth £4000 a year in terms of funding. If she is not there and space is not filled that will hit the school budget.

Shame on you.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 16/07/2021 23:04

@maddy68

Report to the police. Schools are limited in what they can do.
She's done that. They won't act. For reasons that I would have thought were obvious.

In their entire history - two minor incidents of pushing, and this more serious incident, dealt with by the school.

As a parent, the only thing I'd want to know is how the school will prevent it from happening again.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2021 10:22

Genuine apologies, CherryPlum and anyone else I confused - like
a fool I mixed this up with
a thread elsewhere

Entirely my fault ...

PermanentlyDizzy · 17/07/2021 10:23

@Myothercarisalsoshit

If it is a good school there will be lots of things going on in the background. I suspect the child has some form of SEN or Social Emotional / Mental Health issue. The school cannot discuss this with the parent of the other child. It would be unprofessional and unethical. I have been a teacher for over twenty years and have seen quite a few children who present like this. There is always something going on in the background. Of course, when your child bears the brunt it can be very upsetting and the parents will want to see justice done. But what is justice in this situation? The police categorically will not act against a child with SEN. The school is probably trying to get reports, CAMHS, the Ed Psych etc but these things take time. This is a consequence of schools being staved of funding, expected to accept more and more children with complex emotional needs and the dearth of places in Special schools. OP I understand you're upset and your need to advocate for your child. I feel that the school have been remiss in not supervising the other child properly and putting mitigations in place such as separate lunchtimes / playtimes etc. I would still try and work with them to find a solution if your child still wants to attend the school. But don't expect the other child to be permanently excluded as the school can't do that if the child has SEN.
I agree with this.

Advocate for your own child’s safety in a calm and measured way, by following policy and procedure and working with the school, you should be able to come to an agreement where they put plans in place to prevent future incidents. In my dc’s case that involved retraining staff and lunch supervisors re playground duty, planning where staff stood at break and lunch times to ensure all lines of sight were covered, so no corners where things could occur unseen. They generally do a mix up of classes in upper juniors anyway, so they made sure my dc and the bully were put in opposite halves of the school year so they were rarely together and increased monitoring and supervision of the bully.

Prior to the formal complaint, school did nothing to ensure the safety of my dc, no matter how bad it got. In our case, the formal complaint led to school taking action to safeguard my dc and the bullying stopped, purely because the other child no longer had the opportunity. What is sad is, what didn’t happen was appropriate intervention and support with the underlying cause(s) for the other child, which is how things escalated at secondary, ultimately destroying both their life and that of their victim. So both children, were utterly failed in that respect. I actually suspect, having had to fight for my own child’s support, this was more down to the LA than the school.

Following procedure to advocate for your child is not a bad thing, as some on here have suggested. If the other child has SEN or social/emotional/MH issues, the school will (or should be) be gathering evidence of need, to support any assessments they have been requested. Without gathering this sort of evidence and showing that they have tried various strategies already, it will be very hard for them to access support for the child. By following procedure, you are actually putting the incident on record, which is more evidence for them and the needs of both children will be looked into and ‘hopefully’ addressed.

I wish I had known to put in a formal complaint sooner, as my dc is still dealing with the MH and self-esteem issues that directly result from what he went through.

Blindstupid · 17/07/2021 10:24

The police should act if assault has actually taken place - it doesn’t matter where the assault happened.

Ask for a written copy of the schools anti bullying policy, also list dates of all episodes - that was the only time my school stepped up to stop the bullying. However, the girl in question in my case just got even more sneaky, took to social media and bullied there in an even more sneaky way, playing mind games.

Blindstupid · 17/07/2021 10:26

No one has confirmed SEN so please stop posting as though that is the case … assumptions can be very wrong.

Staffholidayclubrep · 17/07/2021 11:14

@TSSDNCOP

Oh and your daughter is worth £4000 a year in terms of funding. If she is not there and space is not filled that will hit the school budget.

Shame on you.

Why shame? School funding is linked primarily to head count. If a school is oversubscribed then it can be easily filled depending upon year group.

op mentioned withdrawing her daughter and if she does there maybe an impact on the school finances.

chocolatesweets · 17/07/2021 11:16

Police.

DancesWithTortoises · 17/07/2021 11:18

Back to the police. Escalate to senior officer.

PermanentlyDizzy · 17/07/2021 11:19

@Blindstupid

No one has confirmed SEN so please stop posting as though that is the case … assumptions can be very wrong.
To be honest, whether or not SEN is involved, the advice is the same, follow procedure, escalate complaints, keep things as calm and factual as possible and be sure of what you want the outcome to be, ie their duty of care to safeguard your child and how that can be ensured/actioned.

If there is SEN involved, this could help both children, as if the school is gathering evidence for assessment/support purposes it will be another thing for them to log. If there is no SEN involvement on either side, the formal complaints procedure, using the school’s own anti-bullying policy is still the way to go. It ensures everything is on record, visible to OFSTED and the LA and they have no choice but to respond and follow their own procedures/policies.

DancesWithTortoises · 17/07/2021 11:20

But don't expect the other child to be permanently excluded as the school can't do that if the child has SEN.

Yes they can. And often do.

PermanentlyDizzy · 17/07/2021 11:25

Exclusions are actually more common for SEN pupils. They are often just done in a different way, particularly if the child has an Education, Health and Care Plan.

LongCovidSucks · 17/07/2021 11:26

So sorry OP you must feel so let down.

Unresolved bullying is a massive issue. Our children’s school is also hopeless and always in denial mode.

TSSDNCOP · 17/07/2021 11:48

@storminabuttercup because this is about actual children and actual problems, not finance. If you walk into a school and make threats based on finance, I assure you, they won't flinch. They will think you are an idiot. If there is SEN involved in this case, you're reducing that issue to money. Not all problems in the world are solved by Johnny big booting into the heads office and threatening to take your business, child in this case, elsewhere.

storminabuttercup · 17/07/2021 11:51

[quote TSSDNCOP]@storminabuttercup because this is about actual children and actual problems, not finance. If you walk into a school and make threats based on finance, I assure you, they won't flinch. They will think you are an idiot. If there is SEN involved in this case, you're reducing that issue to money. Not all problems in the world are solved by Johnny big booting into the heads office and threatening to take your business, child in this case, elsewhere.[/quote]
I've no idea why you're tagging me? I've said nothing of the sort!

Birminghambloke · 17/07/2021 12:00

@Theoneandonly321

Can anyone confirm is exclusion is permanent or temporary? She is covered in bruises and cuts
It can be both. You’d need to ask the school. Likely a fixed term (FEX) for this incident. You can approach the police. They’d likely liaise with school. They may speak with the perpetrator and parent. FEX is a proportionate response for a first ‘assault’. Is it a provoked or unprovoked incident? Do you know why this child targeted your DD? Talk to the school but be polite, reasonable and proportionate, regardless of emotional feelings. It’s now what’s going to be put in place to aim to prevent this happening again to your child or another.
TSSDNCOP · 17/07/2021 12:20

Apologies.
I meant @Staffholidayclubrep

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 17/07/2021 12:59

@Theoneandonly321
”My dd has been blamed for allowing herself to be alone with the child”

Victim blaming starts young, I see.

Blindstupid · 17/07/2021 13:14

permanently … I know. I said this as somehow, somewhere posters are making things up/making assumptions - some others then comment on that basis, which is actually untrue.

Aside from this, My son was bullied by a girl who was in the ‘looked after’ (foster care) system, she bullied lots of pupils … when I complained to the teacher about the bullying I was told “I know - but x is living under special circumstances and has been through a lot” 😮 nothing was ever done about her behaviour Hmm