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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Assaulted at school

200 replies

Theoneandonly321 · 16/07/2021 14:19

Posting here for traffic
My dd has been severely assaulted at school by another child. The child has been excluded. What action can I take as this is the third time the child has hurt my child and there wasn’t any consequences beforehand.
Am I able to call the police as the child is 10 and google says they are now above the legal age for criminal responsibility. Any advice appreciated I am so angry and upset.

OP posts:
Thebookswereherfriends · 16/07/2021 18:13

Considering the attacking child said “watch your back, I’ll do it again” that seems more of a planned attack rather than an Sen “lashing out”. I’m sorry for you and your daughter, OP. It would seem from school response that you have no other option than remove your dd. The violent child will no doubt move onto someone else, so it’s good that you ha e reported where you can. Make sure you put it in writing to the governors why exactly you are removing her.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/07/2021 18:18

I’m sorry this has happened to your dd. I had similar with my ds, school were hopeless, and I ended up home educating, which has been great, but it has meant the perpetrator got off Scot free. There were aggravating factors (ableist and xenophobic comments) but I still couldn’t get anyone to take it seriously.

sadperson16 · 16/07/2021 18:19

Gosh, I don't know, this is horrible. Take photos? Go to A and E? Go to the Police?

Absolutely vile and unacceptable.

Figgygal · 16/07/2021 18:20

What is the schools policy on bullying and violence?
Have they followed it? If not raise a complaint to the head/governors/LA as appropriate

I’m not surprised the police aren’t interested tbh

81Byerley · 16/07/2021 18:28

I note you said your child will have to be home schooled for a while. Are you at home and able to do this? If so I'd advise you to find a local home ed group and you may be pleasantly surprised at what is available and how different it is from lockdown home schooling. In my family there are nine home educated children, including one who is at University. They are a happy chatty bright sociable bunch of kids with lots of friends from the home ed community. This horrible incident could turn out to be a blessing for your daughter.

ViceLikeBlip · 16/07/2021 18:29

Haven't read the whole thread. Have you contacted the governors? This would be the usual route if you're unhappy with the way the Head has handled a situation

EmeraldShamrock · 16/07/2021 18:29

I'm sure with a bit of sleuthing you could find the address of the culprit and consequently their family. Then go around (ideally during the school day) and tell the parent concerned that if your dd is touched one more time, you will seek retribution, adult-to-adult

^I sincerely hope this is ironic.^

^So do I. That’s the worst advice I’ve seen in a long time.^

Mumsnet is like a fantasy world at times. Grin No not great advice but you can bet your only pound this is how many parents deal with it.

I'd keep her at home too OP. I'd be livid if it was my daughter it'll knock her confidence long after the bruising heals.

owlbethere · 16/07/2021 18:52

Serverely assaulted is ridiculously dramatic for this situation. Of course the police aren’t going to get involved unless she needed medical attention.

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 16/07/2021 18:54

Personally I would call the NSPCC for advice. Definitely write to the Chair of Governors and copy in the Head.

ShitPoetryClub · 16/07/2021 18:58

The Police were absolutely amazing when my 15yr old was beaten up on the school bus as another boy thought DS was a "disgusting Gay".
Weapons were used and DS needed hospital treatment.
School were useless, the child's parents (church ministers!) were utterly obnoxious.
The police re-educated them all and told DS that if he ever has another issue they are his first port of call.Star

Adventing · 16/07/2021 19:05

Get in touch with Kidscape or Bullying UK. They will be able to give you specific, expert advice.

Branleuse · 16/07/2021 19:11

@dreamingofyou

Has the other child got sen? not excusing it btw just could explain why the school aren't doing much
doesnt mean schools are more lenient in my experience. Not in the slightest.
MummyCroft · 16/07/2021 19:16

The school may be aware of the child's behaviour and have a plan in place. Is it possible that the child has special needs? It's awful that they have been hurt but I wouldn't rush to the police or OFSTED yet until you know what the schools plans are.

I suggest putting something in writing to the head and keeping a record of responses. Be aware that it is the end of the school year. You also may find a behavior policy on their website - it will explain their procedures for this type of behavior.

Eyesofdisarray · 16/07/2021 19:22

Good grief your poor DD. Hope she is ok OP

JustCallMeBubblesDahling · 16/07/2021 19:23

The police cannot refuse to get involved in an assault when the perpetrator is over the age of criminal responsibility surely?

I’d go back to the police and tell them you are making a formal complaint due to their refusal to deal with it. At the very least, they could go to her house to give her a talking to which normally puts the shit up the parents.

I wouldn’t officially withdraw her from school until you’ve got somewhere with it. Just say you’re not sending her in until you’re satisfied they can keep her safe. You can still look for other schools and if there’s no places around, you’re not losing anything by keeping her registered there.

In the meantime, this is a safeguarding issue so can you report it to social services to get advice as the school are putting your DC at risk of harm? I’m sure if your DC was coming into school covered in bruises and scratches from a sibling, they’d report it to them as you not keeping your DC safe!

JustCallMeBubblesDahling · 16/07/2021 19:27

IME the police might try to say it’s the school’s responsibility to deal with but legally that’s not the case. Assault is still a police matter no matter where it happened.

User5827372728 · 16/07/2021 19:39

What a disgrace. I’m sorry you and your DD have been let down by a shitty system.

I would report to Ofsted; major safeguarding issue. I would get her on a waiting list for all other local good schools.

Aren’t other parents concerned their kids are in a class with a violent kid?

PermanentlyDizzy · 16/07/2021 19:49

@Figgygal

What is the schools policy on bullying and violence? Have they followed it? If not raise a complaint to the head/governors/LA as appropriate

I’m not surprised the police aren’t interested tbh

This. School will have a bullying policy with defined procedures. If it’s not on their website request a copy (they have to provide you with it freely). Also ask for a copy of their complaints procedure.

Schools can wriggle out of things if you don’t follow their official, published policies and procedures. If you follow their official complaints procedure and keep escalating as necessary (usually, teacher, SMT, Head, Govenors, LA and OFSTED), they have to directly address the complaint.

Go through and note if/everywhere they have failed to follow their own procedures and then address that in a calm, measured formal letter. Try to keep emotion out of it (difficult under these circumstances I know) and stick to the facts.

You can also send school (and the LA) a letter notifying them that you are keeping her home until they have put procedures in place to ensure her safety. Refer to their duty of care. If she is out for longer than 15 days without you de-registering her, she will be listed as ‘missing from education’ and education welfare will get involved. That may help or could make things more complicated, depending on the EW Officer and your LA’s policies.

I have been through this several times, as I have a vulnerable SEN dc (now a young adult, so thankfully out the other side, but sadly still receiving MH support to help him deal with the trauma). His worst primary school bully went on to pick on the wrong victim in secondary school. That victim was more than capable of defending himself and put the bully in hospital, ultimately leaving him with a permanent disability. Unfortunately, the victim was then charged with assault and lost not only his freedom, but also any chance he had at his dream career. He was also a SEN pupil, which was the bully’s favourite choice of victim.

If the primary school had properly addressed the bully’s behaviour, it may never have reached the point it did, but they were a ‘known’ family with issues and although school did address my complaint and take steps to make sure my dc was safe from future attacks, they never addressed the bully’s behaviour. IMO, ultimately, the consequences of the secondary school attack are on them.

In short, follow formal complaint routes. Keep it official, formal, fact based and try to keep emotions out of it and if they still fail to respond and/or act, escalate your complaint as high as it can go.

I am so sorry you and your dd are going through this. I hope she’s ok. Flowers

Condensedmilkandbanana · 16/07/2021 20:02

@Theoneandonly321

The police have refused to help and have told me it is the schools responsibility. I am very upset because the school have made it clear they will not be taking it further. All I can do is make a complaint and pull my dd out of the school. The child has got off Scot free and continues to enjoy her school and education whilst my dd will need to be homeschooled for some time due to lack of school places elsewhere. I despair at the system.
Make a complaint to the police. Assualt is assualt, it doesn't matter where it happens. They have to deal with it, not just fob you off.
CherryPlumCrow · 16/07/2021 20:03

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Cuts and bruises, especially if not serious enough to require stitches, would probably not result in the police taking further action against the attacker unless there was an aggravating factor (like it fitting hate crime criteria)

OP said it has been logged as a hate crime, because her DD is disabled and this was implicated in the attack

Where does OP say that?

(I'm on the app and random posts seem to disappear)

Condensedmilkandbanana · 16/07/2021 20:05

A crime was committed. Schools are not an exemption ground to the law. Cannot believe police would try and fob you off.
Make sure you photograph her injuries, potentially going to walk in or GP so it is also logged by a professional.

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 20:16

Escalate your complaint to the Police ... ask to speak someone maybe ask for a Child protection officer and ask for advice .. 🌸

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 20:19

Pull out the school grievance policy and raise it that way.

Nocutenamesleft · 16/07/2021 20:25

@Theoneandonly321

The police have refused to help and have told me it is the schools responsibility. I am very upset because the school have made it clear they will not be taking it further. All I can do is make a complaint and pull my dd out of the school. The child has got off Scot free and continues to enjoy her school and education whilst my dd will need to be homeschooled for some time due to lack of school places elsewhere. I despair at the system.
I took my children out of school and started to home educated for this exact reason. My DD was bullied end the school refused to do much

It escalated. So I took both out. Best thing I ever did. It saved my child’s sanity.

Hugs and hand hold. It’s horrific going through what you’ve gone through xx

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 20:30

Who at the school said it would be taking no further action OP? There is a hierarchy to a grievance process typically HT, Governors etc. They have to follow the process.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/school-complaints-procedures/best-practice-advice-for-school-complaints-procedures-2019

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