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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Assaulted at school

200 replies

Theoneandonly321 · 16/07/2021 14:19

Posting here for traffic
My dd has been severely assaulted at school by another child. The child has been excluded. What action can I take as this is the third time the child has hurt my child and there wasn’t any consequences beforehand.
Am I able to call the police as the child is 10 and google says they are now above the legal age for criminal responsibility. Any advice appreciated I am so angry and upset.

OP posts:

Blindstupid · 16/07/2021 20:39

cherryplum … you are correct … the OP has NOT said what puzzled has said

soapboxqueen · 16/07/2021 20:41

The involvement of the police in such cases can be quite a mixed bag. Some find them very useful and speak to perpetrators etc escalate to a charge, others are told to go back to the school.

Schools themselves are often in a no win situation. They haven't got staff to monitor all the pupils that need support with behaviour nor the funds to find them. They may be hamstrung by policy of the LEA, by parents unwilling to support or even other staff members who exacerbate poor behaviour by not bothering to put strategies in place (because they just shouldn't be here). With little likelihood of support or alternative places.

Obviously some schools are also just shite.

Tbh the best way to secure your child's safety is to move schools or HE. It's not fair but that's the reality. It's also not fair on the other child who obviously needs support and isn't getting it.

If you want to complain find the complaints policy and follow it. Jumping ahead to a higher level will just bounce the complaint around.

Hope your dd recovers quickly.

Sleeplessem · 16/07/2021 20:43

Oh gosh OP I am so sorry for your DD.

I agree pulling your child from this school is the best thing you can do to keep her safe immediately. I’m disgusted to read the school has had such a lazy stance on repeated violent assaults.

The school does need to be held accountable, sorry if I’ve missed it, but have you written to the governors? Can you write to ofsted? I’d also recommend writing to your local authority and safe guarding team? Can you contact your local MP too (not the same situation but our local hospital were trying to discharge my very unwell grandmother and it was actually the MP that managed to get them to stop, perhaps they could do something here).

The fact the bully’s parents have openly said they won’t do anything as their child attacks other children regularly is so concerning. They’ve said this to the school? I’d be tempted to report them to social services as there is clearly something very wrong in that household.

rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 20:44

Wow, this is so sad.

I'm sorry but this would have to lead me to deal with it myself. If my child was otherwise happy at the school, I would have to send someone round to their house to advise them on the implications of them touching my child again.
I know you should never beat violence with violence, but I don't like letting bullies win.

CherryPlumCrow · 16/07/2021 20:46

@Blindstupid

cherryplum … you are correct … the OP has NOT said what puzzled has said

Thanks, I thought I was going mad!!!
I've read through OP's posts several times and can't see it.

What you talkin' 'bout @Puzzledandpissedoff?

baldafrique · 16/07/2021 20:47

How on earth is this child allowed to still attend the school? They are a violent sociopath who will get worse.

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 20:55

@baldafrique give over

baldafrique · 16/07/2021 20:57

You dont reckon this child will worsen with their behaviour when they are like this aged 10?! Right.

soapboxqueen · 16/07/2021 21:01

@baldafrique

You dont reckon this child will worsen with their behaviour when they are like this aged 10?! Right.

You've got literally no clue why this child is behaving the way they are. Literally none.

However, if you do have telepathic abilities to diagnose children accurately without ever having met them or knowing anything about them, please do make yourself available to the NHS as many CAMHS services have minimum 2 year waiting lists for initial appointments. 👍🏻Cheers

baldafrique · 16/07/2021 21:02

I'm a psychiatrist but OK

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 21:04

You've got literally no clue why this child is behaving the way they are. Literally none.
None of us have, but you'd have to be very Pollyanna like to imagine it's going to spontaneously change without the sort of heavy intervention that isn't currently happening.

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 21:05

I don't "reckon" anything about a 10 year old I don't know.

Like any thread, you have a single perspective, and I sympathise entirely with OP. It is undeniably distressing when your child is hurt in a safe place.

OP, having seen this before please follow the procedure. School have a duty of care which it seems is very lacking here.

Big hug for DD.

soapboxqueen · 16/07/2021 21:05

@baldafrique

I'm a psychiatrist but OK

Sure

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 21:07

I'm a psychiatrist but OK

Then I'm embarrassed that your training was so parlously lacking.

soapboxqueen · 16/07/2021 21:08

@GreyhoundG1rl

You've got literally no clue why this child is behaving the way they are. Literally none. None of us have, but you'd have to be very Pollyanna like to imagine it's going to spontaneously change without the sort of heavy intervention that isn't currently happening.

Did I say nothing should happen?

No.

I clearly stated in an earlier post that the child needs help.

It just isn't helpful to make claims about a child that nobody knows anything about.

PushOrPull · 16/07/2021 21:16

This is horrible. This happened to my DN and ended up with a broken arm.

We got the police involved.

PushOrPull · 16/07/2021 21:20

*Did I say nothing should happen?

No.

I clearly stated in an earlier post that the child needs help.

It just isn't helpful to make claims about a child that nobody knows anything about.*

Then the abuser needs to be taken out of school and to seek urgent help. OP's DD should not be this persons outlet.

Why should someone be scared and scarred for life and their life uprooted because the person who is assaulting people is getting away with everything like they always do. This child needs removing from the school not the victim!!!

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 16/07/2021 21:30

@YourHandInMyHand

Yes I'd report it. I'd also call the local safeguarding mash/ehash number and report my concerns for my own child, the other child, and the school. I'd also complain to ofsted that I'm concerned about the level of safeguarding and support.

This.

I hope your daughter is ok. Take lots of photos of her injuries over the course of several days as they develop. 💐

GrasssInPocket · 16/07/2021 21:38

IME the police might try to say it’s the school’s responsibility to deal with but legally that’s not the case. Assault is still a police matter no matter where it happened.

Agreed - why is a violent assault, especially when the perpetrator has reached the age of criminal responsibility, any less of a crime just because it takes place on school premises?

theheartofthematter · 16/07/2021 21:39

My DD is older but we had similar this year. It ended with my DD being punched int he face twice in front of teachers who couldn't get there fast enough to stop it. And, delightfully, as they are teenagers there is a video of the incident where my DD jaw was punched so hard you can hear the contact and her head hit the wall behind her. It was awful and we called the police but my DD was scared of repercussions so no charges were pressed. We still live with the fact that she has threatened to carry it on further if she sees her out of school. The school tried to deal with it and kept her away mostly but there are many hours outside of school

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2021 21:43

What a school tell a parent about what is happening, and what is actually happening are often very different.

It seems this school have a problem, but if OP follows the systems that will at least impel the school to respond to her about the measures that will protect her child.

OP contrary to what you hear schools do operate during holidays. I urge you to follow the procedures, keep pursuing them.

skodadoda · 16/07/2021 21:57

School not schedule!

soapboxqueen · 16/07/2021 22:03

@PushOrPull

*Did I say nothing should happen?

No.

I clearly stated in an earlier post that the child needs help.

It just isn't helpful to make claims about a child that nobody knows anything about.*

Then the abuser needs to be taken out of school and to seek urgent help. OP's DD should not be this persons outlet.

Why are you arguing with me for?

Where did I say that the OPs dd should put up with any of it? Literally nowhere because I didn't say it.

FreekStar2 · 16/07/2021 22:17

If this is primary school then I presume your dd has been in the same class as this girl for the last six years. And there have 3 incidents with your dd?

If this child does have some SEN issues or mental health/parenting/emotional/social issues then school will no doubt be trying to support her. If this is the case exclusion is counter-productive. In addition they won't be able to share information about her issues with you due to data protection and confidentiality.

I work in a school, and although we would absolutely try to ensure no child is hurt, it does happen. Children are unpredictable, there is virtually zero funding for children with additional needs- they have to be really bad to receive any. Schools cannot just exclude children- in many cases this would be a safe-guarding issues- and if they are excluded from one school, another one has to be forced to take them.

Myothercarisalsoshit · 16/07/2021 22:24

If it is a good school there will be lots of things going on in the background. I suspect the child has some form of SEN or Social Emotional / Mental Health issue. The school cannot discuss this with the parent of the other child. It would be unprofessional and unethical. I have been a teacher for over twenty years and have seen quite a few children who present like this. There is always something going on in the background. Of course, when your child bears the brunt it can be very upsetting and the parents will want to see justice done. But what is justice in this situation? The police categorically will not act against a child with SEN. The school is probably trying to get reports, CAMHS, the Ed Psych etc but these things take time. This is a consequence of schools being staved of funding, expected to accept more and more children with complex emotional needs and the dearth of places in Special schools. OP I understand you're upset and your need to advocate for your child. I feel that the school have been remiss in not supervising the other child properly and putting mitigations in place such as separate lunchtimes / playtimes etc. I would still try and work with them to find a solution if your child still wants to attend the school. But don't expect the other child to be permanently excluded as the school can't do that if the child has SEN.

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