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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
Rainyday4321 · 16/07/2021 11:50

Honestly just let it go. It’s a dress. It will have no impact on your marriage
It’s not worth it - just let her do what she wants.
I can promise you will not care about this in 5, nevermind 50 years time.

3Britnee · 16/07/2021 11:53

I wouldn't be making any changes. Especially not a month from the wedding. She agreed to the dress previously, so she wears it or steps down.

And all this 'oh I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable on a special day', it's not her special day, it's the op's special day so she should suck it up and stop causing stress. Such selfishness and childishness a month out would make me see her in a bit of a different light, tbh.

Viviennemary · 16/07/2021 11:55

Ask her to return the dress unaltered. I'd tell her that her bridesmaid services are no longer required. Too selfish and cheeky for words.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/07/2021 11:56

I think similar dresses can look just as nice as identical ones. same colour, same material, range of styles. If it was me, I'd say fine, but it has to be that dress not a different one and you have to pay for the alterations.

Just my opinion but to me what matters is everyone celebrating and having fun. Why put a friend in a dress they hate just so they match exactly in a few pictures?

L0bstersLass · 16/07/2021 11:57

@JackieBrown63

igelkott2021 - yes she mentioned she didn't like her shoulders/arms and she feels as she looks wide in it. I do want her to be happy so we agreed to reduce the width of the straps as she wanted more skin on show to feel more comfortable. Now she wants to take the whole top off and replace it with thin spaghetti straps. I'm not trying to be difficult but I want to come to a middle ground.
There is no way I'd be letting that happen. Also, it's your dress. You own it so the seamstress has no authority to change it without your say so. I'd be making this very clear to my friend.

You definitely need to be at the appointment and the seamstress needs to understand that it's your dress and that you have final approval on any changes.

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 11:58

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

I think similar dresses can look just as nice as identical ones. same colour, same material, range of styles. If it was me, I'd say fine, but it has to be that dress not a different one and you have to pay for the alterations.

Just my opinion but to me what matters is everyone celebrating and having fun. Why put a friend in a dress they hate just so they match exactly in a few pictures?

Why put the bride through all that stress then just so friend can look exactly how they want in a few pictures? Any argument can go two ways if it doesn’t really matter does it
3Britnee · 16/07/2021 11:59

@JackieBrown63

They are strapless dresses with a mesh top and a bit of sparkle so that both bridesmaids feel comfortable. They're so pretty and that's what drew me to the dresses in the first place. They're also exactly the same as the dresses she chose for her wedding just a long version. I wouldn't mind if I felt like I had a choice but she's gone and booked a seamstress to change the dress without me agreeing to it. I would be happy to change the straps too as long as the overall look is nice and I agree to the changes. I don't know what to say to her.
😲 I'd sack her as bridesmaid. Cheeky bitch.
Flossy05 · 16/07/2021 11:59

Why didn’t she speak up sooner? Before the dress was made for her. She just needs to get on with it, it’s not her day.

Outbutnotoutout · 16/07/2021 12:00

@Feedingthebirds1

I'm not buying the doesn't like her arms/makes her feel wide. To be blunt, the changes she's wanting to make are to make it sexier. A nightclub dress rather than a bridesmaid's dress. She doesn't like the idea that all eyes will be on you and she wants them to be on her instead. Bin her off as a bridesmaid/MOH. If she feels like this about her dress, what other stunts is she going to pull, maybe on the day itself?
This is what I was going to say. Surely she can suck it up for one day!!

She wants her boobs and legs on show

Just bin her off and upgrade the other bridesmaid

Rockitrosie · 16/07/2021 12:00

I think people are missing the point here - the bm agreed to the dress and op has had it made at significant expense. For the bm to now be moaning and trying to make changes is massively U.

It’s the brides day and the bm shouldn’t be putting added stress on her - no one will be looking at her anyway! She needs to get over herself.
Part and parcel of being a bm is wearing a hideous dress anyway - you should see some of the monstrosities my dsis and I wore in the 80’s/90’s!
What on earth ever happened to sucking it up and good old fashioned manners?

FrangipaniBlue · 16/07/2021 12:00

@JackieBrown63

She wants to cut all of the mesh part off the top and put thin spaghetti straps on instead. She also wanted it short - above the knee. She is self conscious of her arms/shoulders and she said she feels wide in it. I personally think the spaghetti straps would be less flattering than this but it's up to her. I have tried to compromise but she's going ahead with it anyway from the sounds of it lol
That's not a minor strap change that's completely changing the style of the dress!

She's bang out of order IMO.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 12:00

Yes I paid for their dresses, shoes, accessories and hair and makeup for the day. Both bridesmaids said they liked the dresses before I bought them. I've been trying to work with her to come to an agreement but she's just getting fed up now and wants it her way. I said if it's that bad she can take it off after the meal that way she's only wearing it for a few hours and for some photos.

Also, it's not the EXACT same dress just similar which is what led me to pick it in the first place because it's already something she might like.

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 16/07/2021 12:01

@JackieBrown63Do you think that she might just want it to be different from HER wedding day? It might just be too similar.

UnderTheMoonlightWeDanced · 16/07/2021 12:02

Sorry I don’t agree with most of the people on here. Although with a month to go I feel if she’s already kicking off about it maybe just change what you are happy to for an easy life but I think it’s unfair of her.

Seriously my friends were amazing for mine I asked their opinions for everything to do with them especially dresses/shoes but I honestly feel if they had disliked something they wouldn’t have told me anyway and just got on with it because they were so supportive.

That’ll be my attitude too when I’m MOH. She could put me in the most ghastly colour and I’ll still have the best time and make sure everything goes smoothly for her too all the happiness and enjoyment will be in watching her be happy and living it up on her wedding day not a care in the world. It’s just what mates do.

Brefugee · 16/07/2021 12:02

I obviously don't wish her to be uncomfortable but we all decided on these dresses, had them tailor-made for them and I've paid a lot of money for them. I would be happy for her to get another dress but I really can't afford to buy another one and we haven't found a different dress she is happy with.

Are you happy for her to have it altered (pre-approved by you) at her cost? that would be my choice. Or sack her off completely.

It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day.

Bollocks to this. It is the OPs special day. MOH should suck it up or fuck off, frankly. See pp above with her dresses that the bridesmaids didn't like but she didn't find out until afterwards because they're not knobs

Justilou1 · 16/07/2021 12:03

*Not that I think it’s okay. Got no time for Bridesmaidzillas anymore than any other Zillas.

WellLarDeDar · 16/07/2021 12:03

If you had more time then I would be more inclined to tell you to compromise. But it's a bit last minute :S

FrangipaniBlue · 16/07/2021 12:04

I think you should just send her the link to this thread........

Steakandcheeseplease · 16/07/2021 12:05

@MangosteenSoda

Having seen your updates, the BM is BU. Especially about the length. It won’t look like she’s a BM at all and you will have wasted money getting it made when all she wants to wear is a little summer dress. She should have spoken up about it at the time.
I agree with this. Why does she need to have it shortened above her knee?
Winnona · 16/07/2021 12:08

OP it is your wedding, if I was your bridesmaid I would wear, & be happy to wear, whatever you wanted within reason. I think her attitude stinks, it is your big day. Have a lovely day.

RuthW · 16/07/2021 12:09

It's your choice of dress. Her choice to be a bridesmaid. She likes it or lumps it. Two different will look odd.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/07/2021 12:10

I would let her alter the dress as I feel that friendships are more important than photos.

3Britnee · 16/07/2021 12:10

@JackieBrown63

igelkott2021 - yes she mentioned she didn't like her shoulders/arms and she feels as she looks wide in it. I do want her to be happy so we agreed to reduce the width of the straps as she wanted more skin on show to feel more comfortable. Now she wants to take the whole top off and replace it with thin spaghetti straps. I'm not trying to be difficult but I want to come to a middle ground.
That dress, which is a popular style for BM dresses and has nothing wrong with it, would look awful with the alterations she wants. It will look like those cheapo dresses you'd see at markets about 10yrs ago.

I wouldn't let her chop the dress up like that. You paid for it, its yours, DO NOT let her do it.

Would the dress fit someone else?

UniBallEye · 16/07/2021 12:12

Your bridesmaid is bullying you into changing your wedding to suit her. I would be VERY unimpressed if I were you and I would let her know.

You consulted with her, have already agreed to changes to the dress, you're paying for it all and now she wants to chop hers up? No way.

She's incredibly vain and self-centered and she has no business being a bridesmaid for anyone.

Sorry OP that you had to see her reveal what a crap friend she really is at heart.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 16/07/2021 12:14

Change the straps not the length, compromise and keep your friendship intact