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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
SarahBellam · 16/07/2021 11:35

@DianeCherry

Bridesmaids never like their dresses because mostly they are awful. Fact of life.
This is the truth.

TBH I’d let her change it if she’s going to be stuck wearing it for a whole day, as long as she’s paying for it herself. Let’s face it, nobody is going to be that interested in the wedding photos after the first few weeks anyway.

Lweji · 16/07/2021 11:36

@GlencoraP

I think I would ask her to return the dress to you ( as you paid for it ) say you feel sad that she doesn’t want to be your maid of honour but you will only have one wedding and these are the dresses you have chosen . Just as I am sure she chose the ones at her wedding .
When dresses are more important than friendships. Nice.
BeIIend · 16/07/2021 11:36

What if the seamstress fucks up the dress badly? Has she considered that?

LittleTiger007 · 16/07/2021 11:37

I feel so sorry for you that your bridesmaid is adding this huge stress right before your big day. Can the other bridesmaid help? Maybe it’s time to have one less bridesmaid.

Feedingthebirds1 · 16/07/2021 11:37

I'm not buying the doesn't like her arms/makes her feel wide. To be blunt, the changes she's wanting to make are to make it sexier. A nightclub dress rather than a bridesmaid's dress. She doesn't like the idea that all eyes will be on you and she wants them to be on her instead. Bin her off as a bridesmaid/MOH. If she feels like this about her dress, what other stunts is she going to pull, maybe on the day itself?

princessandthedragon · 16/07/2021 11:37

God she. Sounds she sounds like hard work. I’ve been there before you have my sympathies. Mine was high maintenance to say the least and after messing me around no end we had a big fallout after I finally stood up for myself. Some people don’t like to be told no but if you don’t then they will walk all over you. We don’t speak anymore but I’m glad because she showed herself for what she really is. She ruined my wedding day from all the upset she caused.

BeIIend · 16/07/2021 11:38

When dresses are more important than friendships. Nice.

"I'll upset my best friend by ruining a dress she paid for so I can show off my legs" the MOH does seem to be prioritizing her outfit over her friendship.

Viviennemary · 16/07/2021 11:38

If you all decided on the style and you paid and they were expensive then she just needs to suck it up.

JollyAndBright · 16/07/2021 11:39

You need to say something ASAP.

Just tell her you do not want the dress altering, either she can buy the dress off you and do what she wants with it as her property or she can give you the dress back and she can find another dress that she is happy with.
But you do not want her to alter the length of the dress.

Of course you want her to be comfortable, but the length of the dress will not make her more or less comfortable.
She needs to understand it’s not about her, it’s your wedding, part of agreeing to be a MOH/ bridesmaid is wearing a dress you may not have chosen for yourself.
It sounds as though you’ve tried hard to find something that is close to what they would prefer.

She needs to suck it up or pull out.
Hacking up a dress you have paid a lot of money for is not an option.
You need to be very clear with her and tell her that.

GlencoraP · 16/07/2021 11:40

@Lwiji Clearly the dress is more important to the bridesmaid than her friendship with the bride . It’s not the bride who is making a fuss its the bridesmaid who only seems to care about herself. It’s a huge privilege to be asked to be a bridesmaid , the OP has even paid for the dress. Who cuts the whole top off s dress and makes a long dress short the selfishness is unbelievable .

QueeniesCroft · 16/07/2021 11:40

I am far too old for this sort of nonsense and would just have the one bridesmaid. I can't decide if this is genuinely about the dresses, or it's some sort of attention-seeking/power trip.

I was very young when I got married and a lot of my wedding was controlled by other people- I wouldn't let that happen now, but it really colours my memories of the day.

Internet shopping wasn't possible back then, and I live in a fairly remote area, so when my mother was going to the mainland for a holiday, I asked her to buy the fabric for me. I asked for blood-red velvet, but she decided that I shouldn't be allowed that, because it was too difficult for me to sew (it bloody wasn't!). She got polyester satin in a hideous pinky-purple shade. On the night before the wedding, I asked her to press the hems of the dresses because I was too busy with visitors, but she decided that it was more important for her to get a good night's sleep, so she went to bed and the dresses weren't pressed(but she didn't tell me that she hadn't done it, or I would have stayed up later and done it myself). My poor bridesmaids had to wear hideous purple dresses with unpressed hems, but not one of them moaned about it, bless them.

MB58 · 16/07/2021 11:41

For me it seems your friend is the unreasonable one. Its not her wedding day, it's yours. I'd never dream of telling a bride I wanted a dress changed or altered to suit what I liked. If I was the bridesmaid i'd suck it up and get on with it seeing as it's not my choice or my wedding day! I find it rude of your friend tbh.

PrincessMyshkin · 16/07/2021 11:41

It's a nice dress but pale colours and sleeveless would make me feel a mile wide too (broad shoulders) so I do see where she's coming from.

I don't think that's enough of an issue to change it completely though after her agreeing to the dress so think you're reasonable to push back (not like if, as mentioned, she had a really big bust and you were suggesting something with no support). If anything, and she really feels uncomfortable, it might look better to have longer mesh sleeves added, I find 3/4 length is the most flattering.

I would push back hard on the length though. Sounds like she wants a sexy mini dress, rather than an alteration for best fit. If that's not the look you want, it's not on that she's pushing for it.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 16/07/2021 11:42

Did she actually get to try the dress on before you purchased them? I'm sure we've all bought clothes online which we thought would look amazing but actually looked like a sack of shit.

And did she fully agree to the dress?

You keep saying how much you like it and how much you were drawn to it, but what about the people actually wearing it?

SMabbutt · 16/07/2021 11:42

She liked the style well enough for her wedding but now wants to change it when she's the bridesmaid. She expected her bridesmaids to wear her choice so she should do the same.

I'm thinking either she doesn't like that you've used the same dress, or she wants to upstage you by turning it in to something that shows of her legs and cleavage. I'd say you don't want to change the look as it fits your wedding vision, but if she really hates it and wants to back out you'll find someone else. Also suggest she could get changed after the wedding and any speeches so she can enjoy the party afterwards. Her reaction should tell you if she's a real friend or not.

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:42

Can you get the dresses back to keep them until the day

Lweji · 16/07/2021 11:43

he MOH does seem to be prioritizing her outfit over her friendship

Only because the OP is.
Bridesmaids shouldn't be manequins to decorate a wedding. They are people. And they have their own insecurities.
I'd be happy that my friend was able to be honest about her feelings to me, and I'd rather that she was happy in her dress than that she was in something I chose.

PrincessMyshkin · 16/07/2021 11:44

BobMortimer that's a point, I assumed she'd agreed after trying it on.

Steakandcheeseplease · 16/07/2021 11:45

This is how this shit is going to pan out....

She alters the dress and it looks shit and feels like shit in it.

Then she has no dress and puts the responsibility on to you to sort another dress or just says she doesnt want to do it any more.

I'll put a fiver on it.

OP piss takers come out of the woodwork at weddings, I don't know what it is but I think some people just take leave of their senses and feel like they need to pull back some kind of attention or control.

Let her do the alterations, she pays for it and you do not buy her another dress if she fucks it up.

Cocogreen · 16/07/2021 11:46

Lovely the dress style.
She sounds like a pain in the arse drama Queen and she's going to have a cat's bum face all day if you don't give in.
I'd let her change it if nothing else will shut her up and she can pay for it.
I've seen a couple of weddings affected by bridesmaids who thought the wedding was all about them - they were eyes raised and a lot of smirks about them behind their backs. Hope you have a beautiful wedding despite the painful bridesmaid.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 16/07/2021 11:46

It's a bit of a far reach to say that she wants to look sexy

It's a yellow sequin and net dress. There's nothing sexy about any of that, regardless of what straps she adds or whether it's full or knee length.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/07/2021 11:46

@Cocolapew

When did bridesmaid start having a say on what they wear? It used to be you got stuck in a polyester monstrosity, sometimes even a bonnet, and made fun of it to your friends but didn't upset the bride Grin I've never been a bridesmaid or MOH so give me a shout if you sack her 👍
I agree with this tbh. It’s just for a few hours. My bridesmaids didn’t get a choice. I’m sure mine would love to have had something less romantic and more on trend. Ie figure hugging with a massive slit up the side and a skimpy top. Your friend can change after the speeches.

Your friend is making this all about her. Can no one these days put their fucking ego to one side?

Drinkingallthewine · 16/07/2021 11:48

That dress isn't strapless though - it's got a mesh yoke so plenty of support for bust and comfort, I don't see what adding the straps would do...

MangosteenSoda · 16/07/2021 11:50

Having seen your updates, the BM is BU. Especially about the length. It won’t look like she’s a BM at all and you will have wasted money getting it made when all she wants to wear is a little summer dress. She should have spoken up about it at the time.

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:50

@Drinkingallthewine

That dress isn't strapless though - it's got a mesh yoke so plenty of support for bust and comfort, I don't see what adding the straps would do...
She doesn't want the straps for support. She wants to remove the mesh and add spaghetti straps as she feels too wide