Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
pinkcircustop · 16/07/2021 11:23

@JackieBrown63

The dresses aren't from Asos they were from a bridal shop. The picture is the most similar I can find to the dress style. :)

I thought she was happy with it and we agreed to make slight alterations no problem but she texted me this morning saying she's booked the seamstress and having it altered how she wants it and I honestly don't like the idea. I haven't said anything to her yet I just wanted to get a better idea of how to handle it. Tomorrow's my hen do and I really don't feel up for it right now LOL

Text her right back saying “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me. If you won’t take the dress as it is I’m afraid you cannot be my bridesmaid and I will need the dress back.”

If she kicks up a fuss, uninvite her from the wedding. You don’t need “friends” like that.

Blossomtoes · 16/07/2021 11:24

I don’t know why you haven’t told her to piss off and relieved her of her duties. You’re much, much nicer than me.

TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 16/07/2021 11:24

As a bridesmaids you bloody well wear what the bride puts you in.

Such a fuss over a dress you wear for one day.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 11:24

igelkott2021 - yes she mentioned she didn't like her shoulders/arms and she feels as she looks wide in it. I do want her to be happy so we agreed to reduce the width of the straps as she wanted more skin on show to feel more comfortable. Now she wants to take the whole top off and replace it with thin spaghetti straps. I'm not trying to be difficult but I want to come to a middle ground.

OP posts:
ohfuckitall · 16/07/2021 11:24

I am really surprised at saying what she wants to wear matters most. It really doesn't. Bridesmaids are there to support the bride. The clue is in their title. If she is more worried about what she wants to wear than supporting you and making you feel comfortable, then she should have declined the role.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 16/07/2021 11:25

*Text her right back saying “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me. If you won’t take the dress as it is I’m afraid you cannot be my bridesmaid and I will need the dress back.”

If she kicks up a fuss, uninvite her from the wedding. You don’t need “friends” like that.*

^This.
Friends don't do this, they wear what the bride chooses and quietly grumble to someone else. I did
Tell her to return the dress to you today. If she damages it she can pay for it.

Starlight39 · 16/07/2021 11:27

If you want to compromise would you agree to strap alteration but not to length? I think they'd still look similar enough if they were the same length.

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:27

Tell her her shoulders are fine and there's no such thing as being "too wide"

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:28

But it's her knees she needs to worry about

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:28

(That last part was a joke)

igelkott2021 · 16/07/2021 11:29

I think she'll look like a fat fairy if she reduces the length, even if she's slim.

OP, I'm veering towards your wedding, your rules. She wears as is or comes as a guest.

Lorw · 16/07/2021 11:29

Tell her to do one 😁 relieve her of her bridesmaid duties and ask for the dress back, ask someone else, she didn’t pay for it so she just can’t start cutting it up 🙄

LittleTiger007 · 16/07/2021 11:29

@JackieBrown63

She wants to cut all of the mesh part off the top and put thin spaghetti straps on instead. She also wanted it short - above the knee. She is self conscious of her arms/shoulders and she said she feels wide in it. I personally think the spaghetti straps would be less flattering than this but it's up to her. I have tried to compromise but she's going ahead with it anyway from the sounds of it lol
Wow ok. You need to lay down the law a bit as it’s your wedding and she is totally cutting up your dress. Adding straps under the mesh to support her breasts is a good idea if she needs it. Removing the mesh and shortening the dress is not on. The mesh will help her in her self consciousness over her arms for goodness sakes. I think you need to explain that small changes are fine but if she changes the dress completely then she won’t be a bridesmaid. She is being unbelievably selfish. I fought for her when I thought this was about her comfort and finding a dress that was flattering but shortening the length to above the knee shows a complete disregard for the fact that this is your day and she is supposed to be your brides MAID ie: there for YOU.
Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 16/07/2021 11:29

I think you are being very tolerant. I think - you ALL chose the dresses, YOU PAID for the dresses, it's YOUR wedding. This isn't about her. She should suck it up and wear the fucking dress and stop being a bridesmaidzilla.

PomegranateQueen · 16/07/2021 11:31

I would be unhappy too OP, it will make the dress you have forked out for look cheap. If she wasn't happy with the design she should have said so before you had them made.

The alterations are going to make her look really odd next to the other bridesmaid. Above the knee and spaghetti straps will look really casual in comparison to full length with mesh shoulders. One bridesmaid in full length would look much better than two with such different styles. I know people do the mix and match bridesmaid thing but usually the dresses compliment each other.

I would be telling her to wear it like it is or not come at all.

Sakari · 16/07/2021 11:31

She's being completely unreasonable and selfish. Your job as a bridesmaid is to support the bride and that includes not stressing her out about your dress.

I think all the pps here coming out on her side are similarly CFs who think that everything is about them. Don't listen to them, you can't lose a real friendship over a bridesmaid's dress. Just explain to her that it's important to you that she leaves the dress alone. She may be uncomfortable but it's one day and when it's her turn you'll do the same for her.

Selttan · 16/07/2021 11:31

I really don't get most of these responses.

It's one day, she should suck it up!

If she knew she was going to be so specific about what she can and can't wear then she should've said this upfront and perhaps declined veiny a bridesmaid.

I had to wear a pastel pink strapless bridesmaids dress for my friends wedding that made me look broad and short but I didn't care. Her wedding wasn't about me.
And I had to shell out AU$450 just for the dress plus more $ for everything else.

Isthisit22 · 16/07/2021 11:32

I'm amazed anyone would tell their friend, the bride, that they didn't like the dress. When I've been bridesmaid, if I don't like the dress I just smile and suck it up because it is my friend's day not mine.
You are the one whose special day it is and who will look at the pics forever, not her.

Redsquirrel5 · 16/07/2021 11:32

The seamstress is working for you not her she shouldn’t be changing it without your agreement. The dresses are lovely. I hate to see bridesmaids in small strap dresses to be honest. I hope it isn’t too short. I would be upset too if I was you as it had all been agreed beforehand.
Personally I wouldn’t change it. What happens if it looks awful? She might not like it and then what? Lots of bridesmaids wear something they aren’t that keen on. Could you let another friend know how upset you are? Perhaps someone else talking to her might help.
It is your day not hers. I hope whatever happens you have a lovely day. The most important thing is you and the groom getting married.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 16/07/2021 11:33

I've been a bridesmaid before and it didn't even occur to me that I would get a say on the bridesmaid dress. It's the bride's big day and what she wants, goes. I'd have worn a bloody scooby doo costume if that's what she wanted as her theme! She is a CF and I would be thinking about relieving her of MOH duties tbh. She is there to help you get everything you want for your big day and make it special, not cause you stress.

GlencoraP · 16/07/2021 11:34

I think I would ask her to return the dress to you ( as you paid for it ) say you feel sad that she doesn’t want to be your maid of honour but you will only have one wedding and these are the dresses you have chosen . Just as I am sure she chose the ones at her wedding .

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 16/07/2021 11:34

Oh, and how is she getting it changed without your say-so? If you bought the dresses they should be at your house to get changed into on the day. So tell the seamstress not to do the alteration.

Lweji · 16/07/2021 11:35

she's gone and booked a seamstress to change the dress without me agreeing to it. I would be happy to change the straps too as long as the overall look is nice and I agree to the changes. I don't know what to say to her.

Don't say anything.

My suggestion would be that if she wants all those alterations, she pays for them - if she booked the seamstress, I assume she will - so her solution seems fine.

What do you prefer: two happy bridesmaids or two matching bridesmaids?

The matching ones last the day. The happy ones can last a life time.

MushMonster · 16/07/2021 11:35

It is just a dress OP. Let her alter it.
If they want different styles, .aybe stick to a colour shade for both of them.
Let her be comfortable. She will look great in the pics with a big smile on her face. Not so much on your favourite dress, looking like she is self concious.
Congrats on your coming nuptialsFlowers

MordredsOrrery · 16/07/2021 11:35

I had two bridesmaids, they wore different style dresses in the same colour. They were both comfortable and looked lovely. I think YABU to persist with the same style when it's making one bridesmaid uncomfortable.