My bridesmaid hates her dress?

[JackieBrown63]

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

@JackieBrown63

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL

Oh fuck this for a game of soldiers, who the hell does she think she is? Just bin her and promote the other bridesmaid. This woman is not your friend.

Just seen the (similar) dress - it's really pretty, and very fresh-looking.

Sack her as MOH and just have the other bridesmaid - I wouldn't be doing with all this fuss and going behind your back to have alterations done

Sorry, these had panels of fabric and I don't know special ugly powers.

Bridesmaids' dresses get these powers automatically.

The secret is finding one which hasn't been bitten by a radioactive flower girl.

Does it really matter that much if she wants straps instead of mesh and a few inches off the bottom?

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, is it THAT big a deal?

As long as she doesn’t want it scandalously short or with her boobs popping out I’d probably let her crack on to be honest… but then I bloody hate mesh tops on dresses so maybe I’m biased.

yes she mentioned she didn't like her shoulders/arms and she feels as she looks wide in it

Tell her it's not your fault she's but;t like a brick sh*thouse, and spaghetti straps aren't going to do anything about that. Get the dress back. Find another bridesmaid. There will probably be someone on here who will be happy to step into the break if necessary.

I'm a size 16, and although I'm knocking on a bit (67), I'm told that I look like a girl in certain lights I look good in fresh spring-like colours.

(Just throwing my hat into the ring )

I was one of my (now late) sister's three bridesmaids many years ago. We all wore the same dress, which we had to make. I hated it, the colour, the fabric, the shape - the lot. My sister said she'd chosen it so we could all wear our dress again afterwards (it was knee length). I never did, don't know if either of the others did either.

None of us ever mentioned it to her.

I’ve not read the thread but I was Moh for my best friend years ago and she chose the dress and it was awful - a material that clung to me and made me look much bigger than I actually am. It was really really stressful as, as much as it is “the bride’s day” and she is my best friend, I was gutted at the prospect of wearing something that made me look awful all day long. In the end (with her agreement) I had it altered and it looked fine and we were both happy.

For my wedding I sent my bridesmaids to the dress maker and said go wild as long as it’s a shade of white/cream and you look gorgeous, and they both ended up with dresses that really weren’t that great for the price I paid and they both hated - I was - sometimes you can’t win. I would let friend adapt as I think the non matchy look is trendier right now.

My poor bridesmaids had to wear hideous purple dresses with unpressed hems, but not one of them moaned about it, bless them.

Oh gosh Queenie - I have this vision of gigantic walking bruises following you up the aisle, now!

Honestly, is she actually uncomfortable in it, or wanting it less wedding/prom looking so she can get wear out of it again after the wedding, which is a bit CF to me.

I think this is spot on

Dear X
We do not want the bridesmaids dresses changed or altered in any way. A lot of thought and planning has gone into our wedding; we chose the dresses them after a lot of thought and consultation with both bridesmaids. If this means that you no longer feel you can be a bridesmaid then although we will be disappointed we will understand.

This MOH is making it more about her than what you want on her wedding day.
A bridesmaid wears what she's given. It's outrageous she is independently arranging to cut up dress and change the style.

Your wedding day not gets! Lol

She is behaving very selfishly. I can understand an adult bridesmaid wanting to slightly tweak a style to suit her individual shape, but this is more that she wants her own style and not yours. Short and pouffy with thin straps, lots of skin on show and a big bow in her hair will look really strange next to the other bridesmaid in elegant full length with flowers for instance.
They do both need to be in long. Is she competitive with the other bridesmaid ?
I would say a flat NO to the shortening. I don’t understand how she dislikes her shoulders so wants to show even more of them ?

I think hating your bridesmaid dress and laughing at the pictures later is all part of the fun of a wedding.

I can't believe she basically wants to turn the dress into a tutu.

I'd feel really uncomfortable and unhappy about making a friend feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

I always wonder at the "matchy matchy" school of bridesmaid-dressing because you almost never get one dress/colour that looks great on everyone. I don't think that adult females would ever choose or wish to have someone tell them what to wear at any other big occasion. (or indeed anytime really!)
I had two bridesmaids wearing non-matching dresses that they each chose themselves (with a loose colour scheme as the link) and I think it worked great.
However, obviously you need to feel happy too and if the ideal that you've been holding in your head for your wedding is very coordinated then I can see that you're feeling disappointed.
I would question how worthwhile it is to make a good friend feel uncomfortable just for the sake of one day. I wonder if there is a compromise that can be reached that feels acceptable to both of you?

I agree with you. Family member had four bridesmaids. Same dress that tied in four different ways. They all did it differently. Looked fab. Her sister had two bridesmaids who had identical dresses. Also looked fab. I agree with you I wouldn’t have liked to see them dressed differently and neither would the bride.Your friend had input into the decision . She hasn’t paid for it and she shouldn’t even have allowed you to be aware she doesn’t like it. Really selfish to spoil your day. Is she likely to step back if you stick to your guns. If so you need to think about what them. I’m afraid my attitude to her would already be coloured and if every time I looked at the wedding photos I was reminded about her attitude I certainly wouldn’t feel friendly towards her any longer.

she sounds like an attention seeking PITA ...

what would she do.. if the shoe were on the other foot ?

OP I had a bridesmaid like this- a few months after the wedding I had enough of her selfish attention seeking behaviour and we fell out permanently. This person is not your friend, bin her off now before she's in all your wedding pictures and stop letting her walk all over you!

@JackieBrown63

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL

You might want to add some flour to counteract the extra egg op.

I had 2 bridesmaids with completely different dresses. Both had styles and colours that suited them. They worked together, but I don't know why everyone has to match!

@Dappled I don’t think wanting to have more flesh in show and making a long dress short and replacing the top with spaghetti straps is about comfort it’s about being the centre of attention

It’s your wedding. She’s wears the dress you chose.

She can chop it, alter straps etc after your wedding. Until then she has to put up n shut up.

Right. She she's tried it on, liked it and you bought it. Now she's being a selfish PITA. Tell her NOT to have the dress altered at all: it's your wedding, she agreed to it, and you'd like your BMs to look the same. If she doesn't want to wear it like that, she can step down.

Also say how disappointed you are that she's causing you stress instead of supporting you, and you thought she was a better friend than that.

I'd be mightily pissed off if she'd said she liked it, you then bought it and then she started acting like a diva!!! No way!

I personally think that different styles in the same colour and material look nice but generally when you've got several bridesmaids. If you only have two then they need to be the same really I'd say.

To me, it looks like she wants to be the centre of attention with the straps and length. Is she generally like that?

Also, how close are you usually? Is she a family member etc?