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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 16/07/2021 13:41

Err she's not your friend!

She's a self serving bully if she just changed the hen.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 13:43

Ghosttile - no she'd hate that - she wants more flesh on show rather than less. She wants a short, poofy thing with spaghetti straps and lots of glitter and a big bow in her hair but that's not my personal taste at all :S
Seriously? She actually told you she wants glitter and a big bow in her hair? Hmm I don't believe it.

billy1966 · 16/07/2021 13:44

What a rude bridesmaid.

Extremely selfish.

Unbelievable to arrange to change the dress without your agreement.

So rude.

PinkiOcelot · 16/07/2021 13:44

She sounds like a total pain in the arse! How dare she dictate your wedding! Did you dictate hers?! I doubt it very much. Tell her to do one.
Also if she hates her arms, spaghetti straps aren’t the way to go.

TurquoiseDragon · 16/07/2021 13:44

@JackieBrown63

Lweji - I guess I didn't mention it because it had been resolved. I am just doing what she wants for the hen do as she's the one planning it. I've told her what I wanted and that wasn't an option. For the wedding, I am obviously sticking my heels in for that because I'm not even considering changing the colour theme for someone else that's rediculous!
So, basically she's dictating to you about your own wedding.

Time to dig your heels in over the dress. She wears it as it is or steps down.

LAMPS1 · 16/07/2021 13:46

Hi MOH, I just want to get the dress problem sorted before tomorrow so that we can all relax and enjoy ourselves. You already know that I love the colour, style and length that we are going with. We all chose them together and we were all in agreement at the time. It’s important to me that they remain unchanged. Of course I want you to feel comfortable so by all means if you want to pay your seamstress for simple straps, then I’m happy for that change. I’ve also mentioned that I don’t mind you changing into something else after the meal and photos.
I don’t want this dress issue to spoil the day for either of us especially as we were all in agreement when I bought them. Thanks for your understanding and looking forward to tomorrow.

billy1966 · 16/07/2021 13:46

OP, you sound like a nice doormat, and boy does she know it.

mutedrainbows · 16/07/2021 13:48

I can understand changing the straps but no way would I allow the dress to be chopped to sit above her knees. Totally changes the vibe of the outfit! And sounds like she's taking the p on several other things as well. I would compromise by saying she can alter the straps but anything else won't be suitable and if she isn't happy with it, perhaps the role isn't the best idea for her anymore. The strap alteration wouldn't look strange imo as the MOH sometimes does have a slightly different style than the other bridesmaids. She's being very selfish.

Lweji · 16/07/2021 13:48

For me, if it was just the dress, then I'd humour her.
With everything else, I'd be tempted to cancel her as a bridesmaid, possibly including the hen do, and have a barbecue or something if nothing else was possible. That is a celebration for the bride, not the bridesmaid.
So, I'm changing to YANBU.

ButtonMoonLoon · 16/07/2021 13:56

I’m not sure as it’s hard to tell from what you’ve said, but are you quite sure that you are being assertive enough?
I think you need to send her a very clear message from both you and your fiancé.
Dear X
We do not want the bridesmaids dresses changed or altered in any way. A lot of thought and planning has gone into our wedding; we chose the dresses them after a lot of thought and consultation with both bridesmaids. If this means that you no longer feel you can be a bridesmaid then although we will be disappointed we will understand.

TurdCrapley · 16/07/2021 13:56

OP, this is awful! Tell her to wear the dress as is or don't be a bridesmaid and get the dress back. I'd also be cancelling whatever she's planned for the hen do and doing what you want to do. It's YOUR hen do, YOURS/STBH wedding, it should be all about what you want. Please stand up to her and don't let her do this to you, you'll regret it.

ButtonMoonLoon · 16/07/2021 13:56

Or something like that- and obviously without the typos!

thelastgoldeneagle · 16/07/2021 14:00

Did she try on the dress before you bought it? It sounds like she's being awkward for the sake of it... can you sack her a bridesmaid? She's supposed to be reducing your stress, not adding to it...

thelastgoldeneagle · 16/07/2021 14:00

*sack her as bridesmaid, that should say...

MyFartWillGoOn · 16/07/2021 14:01

@thelastgoldeneagle

Did she try on the dress before you bought it? It sounds like she's being awkward for the sake of it... can you sack her a bridesmaid? She's supposed to be reducing your stress, not adding to it...
OP said she, along with other bridesmaid not only tried it on, said they liked it but also have had them tailored so must have had fittings. And she didn't mention any issues with it then.
redastherose · 16/07/2021 14:07

She is actually being ridiculous and selfish. Message her back and say plainly that she said she liked the dress before you ordered it and you won't be having the dress shortened or the mesh removed from the top. At her request you are happy to do (whatever you have agreed to). Also say you don't want to fall out over what is your special day and it means so much to you that she is your MOH but it is your wedding and it is important to you that both Bridesmaids have the same dress and that you hope that she understands and will support you in that wish.

ohfuckitall · 16/07/2021 14:11

@redastherose

She is actually being ridiculous and selfish. Message her back and say plainly that she said she liked the dress before you ordered it and you won't be having the dress shortened or the mesh removed from the top. At her request you are happy to do (whatever you have agreed to). Also say you don't want to fall out over what is your special day and it means so much to you that she is your MOH but it is your wedding and it is important to you that both Bridesmaids have the same dress and that you hope that she understands and will support you in that wish.
This.
bloodyhell19 · 16/07/2021 14:13

Having read all your responses OP, you're far too nice and should really tell your BM to politely take her bow and shove it where the sun don't shine. It isn't about her, it is your wedding and if she didn't like the dress then the time to speak up about that was when you were picking it. You're spending an awful lot of time considering her feelings when she isn't really interested in yours. She's very jealous and trying to make it about her IMO. I'd cut her out.

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 16/07/2021 14:14

Ooh she doesn’t like not being the centre of attention, does she?! She’s not being a good friend at all. I agree with PPs - now is the time to be assertive & stop trying to compromise. I like the message suggestions above saying you want nothing altered at all or she steps down.
She’s already spoiled it for you - if the dress is unaltered you’ll feel bad that she’s uncomfortable. If it’s altered, you’ll forever remember that your wedding isn’t exactly how you want it.
Can’t believe she’s being so selfish!

Ourlady · 16/07/2021 14:17

She is horrible. I would tell her she cannot get the dress altered as she didn't pay for it and she agreed to the style before you spent money getting it made. What a cow she is

mabelandivy · 16/07/2021 14:17

She's making this about her and being totally disrespectful.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2021 14:18

@MissMissTorrance

She's being awkward. She only needs to wear the dress for one blooming day yet she chooses to fuss and cause you stress over it. Very selfish.
This ^

And anyway, bridesmaids' dresses are traditionally absolute monstrosities! I've seen some real mingers!

I think though that in the interests of world peace I'd let her change the straps. She can pay for it.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 16/07/2021 14:22

Op, this isn't going to go away so I think you need to take the bull by the horns and tell her. You can't control her reaction. She's clearly not bothered about upsetting you, so don't feel bad for upsetting her.

3Britnee · 16/07/2021 14:26

You need to get that dress back op and think who else could fill it.

igelkott2021 · 16/07/2021 14:26

I wore a hideous peach meringue dress as bridesmaid in the 1980s

Me too. It was the only time I have been a bridesmaid - for my cousin. But it's only looking back that I think the dress was awful, I was really happy to be a bridesmaid.

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