My bridesmaid hates her dress?

[JackieBrown63]

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

Do bridesmaids ever like their dress? It’s not their day. She should put on the dress and STFU. She can pay you back by making you wear something you don’t like when she gets married.

Oh no .. I think she's being quite rude .. I'm old now but I've been a bridesmaid loads of times .. in the 80s ... I've worn scratchy peach crinolines to keep my friends happy !! Who cares ..it's just a day .. have you paid for the dresses ?

Look, we’ve all work bridesmaid dresses we don’t necessarily like. But the bride did. And that’s the point. It’s the brides day.

Your friend needs to shush. And ps. She’s not your friend

I wouldn't let her do it. If she really doesn't like it, she can have it altered AFTER the wedding. She had plenty of opportunities to have her say before you ordered the dresses. It rather sounds like she wants to make it HER day, not yours.

Tell her, if she goes ahead, I'd sack her as MoH (and keep the dress).

Ok I just read your last update -- she wants a poofy glitter situation that was not at all what was agreed on. She's being unreasonable! That said, would it matter that much if she does look like a puff bomb? It's her loss. I think wedding matchiness is overrated: you will still look amazing and you'll be happy with how you look, and nobody will be looking at her. I reckon you don't pay for the alterations (god no!) but let her do them if she wants. All depends on how much you think her altering her dress would wreck your own aesthetic. I imagine it wouldn't, as you're the key figure.

She's actually being a really rubbish friend.

This is your wedding. She agreed to be a bridesmaid and agreed to the dress.

And now she's complaining.

A compromise could be that she wears the bridesmaid dress for the ceremony. And then changes into whatever she likes for the reception.

And start to rethink your whole friendship

Let her alter the dress so that she feels more comfy in it. Unless her and the other bridesmaid are exactly the same shape, it's going to look different on them anyway. Personally I think matchy matchy on adults is dumb, even for bridesmaids. As long as dresses are same colour (or colourscheme).

The most important thing is that this is not an issue worth souring a friendship over. You'd want your friend to enjoy the day with you, surely, and not hate the dress she's in and spend the day feeling self-conscious.

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL

I was a bridesmaid… I got what I was given. Bride changed my hair style on the day. I was fine. I’d nicely tell her this is your day and you want very similar dresses. Which is why you got 2 similar dresses. Sounds like she wasn’t happy and now thinks she can bulldoze you into her ideas. Tell her she is stressing you out and either wear the dress or come as a guest. I’m a little angry on your behalf op, your friend is being really selfish

Sounds like you've tried to compromise and have good conversations and she isn't being helpful. If she won't compromise, you totally have the right to veto her decisions then.

It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice.

Well, that's a drip feed! You didn't think that was relevant early on the thread?

Changing a dress the person is going to wear is one thing.
Chanking someone else's wedding events is another.
Your thread should have been about this, less about the dress. And I think you've ended up digging your heels in for the wrong thing.

@JackieBrown63 you come across as a lovely person, if I was your friend I would wear the bloody dress. When you think of some of the brizezillas we have seen, you have severely let the side down

God I’ve never liked a bridesmaids dress (and my bridesmaids probably didn’t like the ones I’d given them, again best compromise as to what would suit all). I took into account that most wanted long, and had covers for arms for those that wanted them. I forgot that the more well endowed might have a rather amazing cleavage so sorted that out at the last min.

My view (and that of my lovely bridesmaids for me) was that it wasn’t my day. I’ve sucked it up, never said anything and just worn it!

I would just let the person alter the dress if that makes her happy,You don't need any hassle now.. She is the one being a bit awkward,and she may feel a bit guilty later., when she looks at any wedding photo's.

(So I think your bridesmaid is unreasonable)

Bridesmaidzilla!

Seems to me she had what she wanted at her wedding, and now wants what she wants at OP's wedding. So basically, all about her.

@JackieBrown63

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL

Then now is the time to tell her she is no longer MOH or a BM. Today, before your hen do. I wouldn't even tell her she's still welcome as a guest as she may go round telling everyone how shit your wedding/colour scheme are. She had the wedding day she wanted, she doesn't get to dictate yours too.

Nor should you put her demands before what your nearly husband wants. Has he seen something in her that you haven't? Has she not shown these traits before? Surely she can't have suddenly changed into a monster? However bottom line is she isn't behaving anything like a true friend. And if you have to go to tomorrow's hen do ( that she wanted but you didn't) because it's booked and paid for, go, but then do another one that you want.

Lweji - I guess I didn't mention it because it had been resolved. I am just doing what she wants for the hen do as she's the one planning it. I've told her what I wanted and that wasn't an option. For the wedding, I am obviously sticking my heels in for that because I'm not even considering changing the colour theme for someone else that's rediculous!

I’m picturing Gemma Collins.

I'm picturing the bridesmaids from Muriel's Wedding!

I was a bridesmaid for my brother and then my sister when I was younger

Brother's wedding - pink polyester with puffy sleeves and big bows - I'm short, fat and ginger so that looked good

Sister's wedding - yellow, strapless and knee length - see above for short, fat and ginger explanation.

I sucked it up, wore them, smiled when I had to and made sure I split red wine down the front as soon as possible so I could change.

They're also exactly the same as the dresses she chose for her wedding just a long version.

Is this perhaps not the root of the problem? Why are you choosing the exact same dresses as she had at her wedding (just a different length)?

Just seen your update OP - she has even controlled your hen night? FFS she is not a friend. Get rid before she totally trashes your wedding.

@JackieBrown63

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL

Sadly I think it’s time to ask her to stand down as a bridesmaid. So sorry OP you don’t need this stress

HyggeTygge - they're not the EXACT dresses just the same style and as I mentioned she said she liked them before I bought them.

She doesn't sound like a good friend at all to be honest, tell her she's been demoted and you've found a MOH who isn't controlling and behaving like it's their wedding not yours. With friends like that who needs enemies!!