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Original poster

Step daughter and bedroom size

607 replies

Squeakysqueal · 15/07/2021 23:36

I would appreciate some advice on this situation. We have Step DD who’s 11 and lives 50/50 between ours and her mum’s, DS also 11, and DD who’s 6, who live with us full time and a baby on the way. We’re moving house and our new house isn’t quite as big, the same amount of bedrooms but smaller. The plan has been for Step DD to have the smallest room and DS and DD to have the slightly bigger rooms. Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that. There’s only really space for a single bed and a wardrobe or drawers. DH has suggested DD going in the smaller room with her being quite a bit younger but I think it makes sense with living arrangements for step DD to have it. Especially as when the baby is old enough she’ll be sharing the bigger room. Step DD says she wouldn’t mind sharing with the baby in the future but I think she definitely will, she’ll be a teenager by then. We could have DS in the small room but again with him being here full time and step DD part time it makes sense. She feels like there’s some favouritism going on and I can see why it feels that way from her perspective but that’s definitely not the case. I’ve said we can decorate the room however she likes but she’s just not happy with the situation

OP posts:
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Uramaki · 16/07/2021 10:16

@aSofaNearYou I agree. Box rooms aren't actual boxes, or miles away from the rest of the house, or dungeons in the basement. They are often used for one child to have a bedroom of their own. Then if there are two more children they can share one of the larger ones.

aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 10:17

[quote Uramaki]@aSofaNearYou I agree. Box rooms aren't actual boxes, or miles away from the rest of the house, or dungeons in the basement. They are often used for one child to have a bedroom of their own. Then if there are two more children they can share one of the larger ones.[/quote]
Exactly. I had a box room growing up, reading this I'm very pleased to have escaped the emotional trauma that is apparently inevitable!

DoLallyTapMum · 16/07/2021 10:17

I’d say SD11 and DD6 in a room together. Box room is the nursery (just don’t spend much decorating it). DS has his own room. Then, when the baby is about 2 (SD13 and DD8) you can say the girls have a choice to keep sharing, or SD13 can take the box room.

Honestly, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in giving her the box room and I think she’ll choose it at 13 (with a high bunk bed as suggested) but I think she needs time in the new house not feeling sidelined.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2021 10:18

Ah i missed that TomHardysPyjamas! Thanks. Full House!!

CutePanda · 16/07/2021 10:18

It makes sense for DS and DD to have the bigger rooms as it’s their only room and they’re there everyday. Dsd isn’t there all the time and already has another bedroom at her mum’s. Could you take her to decorating shops so she can choose her own wallpaper/paint and carpet etc? She could choose her own bed, maybe a bunk bed type one with a desk underneath it. This will make her feel included and valued Smile

CecilyP · 16/07/2021 10:21

I would give the 6 year old the smallest room, why cause hurt when there doesn't have to be any?

The OP is planning for when the baby is bigger. She will have to share with someone. It would probably be better for her to share with the younger of her sisters. Maybe the SDD would be happy to share with the baby or she may say that now but not be so keen when the time comes.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/07/2021 10:21

Is there a cupboard under the stairs? Grin

(My 10yo loves her small bedroom. It has a double loft bed, and a desk, bookcase and storage unit underneath. She spends a lot of time on her bed reading.

My friend has four children sharing one bedroom- 3 boys, one girl. They live in an expensive area. They've just managed to get one of those garden offices to make a den for more space.

We would also love to give our children massive ensuite rooms... but reality isn't an American teen TV sitcom)

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 10:21

@aSofaNearYou me too. I didn't realise the builders had included it so my parents could make me feel unloved.

Teenyton · 16/07/2021 10:22

"And her DH is choosing to put his non bio kid in a bigger room 🤷‍♀️"

no. The other bio kids are in the bigger rooms too. Only one, the youngest biokid is going to be in the box room.

Brown76 · 16/07/2021 10:23

Give DSD11 the big room, then, and DD6 the small one. When it’s time for the baby to move out of parents room then discuss again, DSD can have her own small room or start sharing with her sister and the baby gets the box room.

CutePanda · 16/07/2021 10:25

Master bedroom: you and DH
2nd biggest: DDs (6yo and baby)
3rd bedroom: DS
Smallest bedroom: Dsd

Dsd shouldn’t complain. She has 2 bedrooms that she does not have to share. Let her pick out things at decorating shops.

SVRT19674 · 16/07/2021 10:25

I chose the smallest room and was the eldest, it was cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter. When I went on Erasmus the landlady took me round to choose a room in this huge Edwardian house. I chose the small one with the latticed windows. Again much warmer as easy to heat, loved it. My housemate thought my choice was weird and was happy being left the big one, until winter came. :-) No emotional trauma from either choice.

Brown76 · 16/07/2021 10:26

Or…partition all the larger rooms in half, each kid gets half a room and the box room can be a study for doing homework.

parsnipsnotsprouts · 16/07/2021 10:27

If they’ve moved to a smaller house it’s unlikely they have the money to start putting in loft conversions. I literally think people’s expectations are way too high. If kids all have a space of there own it’s all good. If they have to share a space that’s fine too. They are kids. They don’t ‘need’ their own bedroom. Op isn’t even suggesting sd share she’s just having a smaller room

aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 10:28

@Brown76

Give DSD11 the big room, then, and DD6 the small one. When it’s time for the baby to move out of parents room then discuss again, DSD can have her own small room or start sharing with her sister and the baby gets the box room.
And if, as is quite likely, the 6 year old has larger, bulkier, and more toys and likes to play in their bedroom more? Would you be happy if all those toys of DD6s were stored in DSDs unneeded larger room?
CecilyP · 16/07/2021 10:29

One PP said she and DH slept in the dining room for 3 years so all their DC could have their own space.

Family friends once had mum and dad, 4 kids, eldest daughter's husband and baby plus a lodger in a typical interwar 3 bed (2 doubles and and a box) semi. In addition, I use to sometimes stay for a sleepover. They used the front living room as a bedroom but that's what I would call overcrowded.

aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 10:29

@Brown76

Give DSD11 the big room, then, and DD6 the small one. When it’s time for the baby to move out of parents room then discuss again, DSD can have her own small room or start sharing with her sister and the baby gets the box room.
Plus surely the biggest statement this makes is that there IS a bedroom hierarchy, and you don't want DD6 to ever benefit from it. Instead of the much more natural, not acting like it is the end of the world to have the smaller bedroom.
CecilyP · 16/07/2021 10:31

Or…partition all the larger rooms in half, each kid gets half a room and the box room can be a study for doing homework.

However as there are 3 girls, the largest room would have to be split into thirds. Back to the drawing board with that one, I think!

BrownEyedGirl80 · 16/07/2021 10:32

Would a loft conversion be an option in the future?.I moved into the loft in my early teens as db had bigger room and mine was tiny.

FlyingBattie · 16/07/2021 10:32

Loft bed with desk.

By the time 6 y/o is wanting her own space, DSD will be late teens and soon won't be spending 50% of her time with her dad anyway.

Steppered · 16/07/2021 10:32

I wonder how different the answers would be on here if the question had been asked by a Mum looking to fairly allocate the 3 bedrooms between DS11, DD11, DD6 and baby.

I'm sure she wouldn't have got quite the kicking OP has.

TomHardysPyjamas · 16/07/2021 10:34

Family friends once had mum and dad, 4 kids, eldest daughter's husband and baby plus a lodger in a typical interwar 3 bed (2 doubles and and a box) semi. In addition, I use to sometimes stay for a sleepover. They used the front living room as a bedroom but that's what I would call overcrowded.

It's one thing using a sofa bed in a reception room in a situation like this, or because you have 4 DC and 2 bedrooms (for instance), and another doing it so every DC has their own room and doesn't have to be subjected to the abuse that is (gasp) sharing a room.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/07/2021 10:36

@CecilyP

I would give the 6 year old the smallest room, why cause hurt when there doesn't have to be any?

The OP is planning for when the baby is bigger. She will have to share with someone. It would probably be better for her to share with the younger of her sisters. Maybe the SDD would be happy to share with the baby or she may say that now but not be so keen when the time comes.

And what's wrong with moving them around again at a later date?
aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 10:42

@Teenyton

"And her DH is choosing to put his non bio kid in a bigger room 🤷‍♀️"

no. The other bio kids are in the bigger rooms too. Only one, the youngest biokid is going to be in the box room.

Not following you here. DS11 is not OPs husbands, so he is having his non bio kid in the larger room if all goes to plan. If we were to follow PPs logic that this will be more of a statement to DSD because she is the non bio kid being put in the box room, then the same could be said of DS11 if he were put in there. The only other option to satisfy the obsession with kids that could be described as "non bio" to either parent not having to suffer the insult of a box room, is to put DD6 in it, but that makes zero sense if she is the one who will be sharing with the baby.
cheninblanc · 16/07/2021 10:43

Smallest room as she's in the house less than the others. But.... you could decorate it first, let her have something the other don't have like a TV (we did this) really make it her space. Tbh we had sd in a larger room for years and it caused resentment that there was an empty room half the time and the other was all squashed in with hardly any space. We swapped them in the end and she has the smallest with those here the most having the larger space.

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