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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

535 replies

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:57

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2021 23:53

Yes I 100% believe my current partner of 16 years. I'd be shocked to hear he had cheated.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2021 23:54

To add I haven't cheated either.

SchrodingersMat · 15/07/2021 23:55

Surely it’s a bit naive to think your partner doesn’t have the opportunity to cheat because they’re always at work or home. Many people cheat with a work colleague, and there’s the opportunity to use sex workers during lunch hours too.

StormcloakNord · 15/07/2021 23:56

I'd be really impressed if DH found the time/energy to cheat.

He's been WFH for almost 2 years now and doesn't go anywhere Grin

AlfiesMama85 · 16/07/2021 00:00

To all those lovely people who are positing that they 100% trust their partner/husband/wife…..

I had a 4.5 year (emotional then sexual) affair with a married (with kids) colleague who everyone would think was the most loyal, innocent, caring, loving man. I was weak and pathetic and believed he would leave. He got away with it and is still with his wife over five years on. (Gave her “the speech” when it was discovered and she believed it all).

Trust me, I have had my karma and will most likely stay single until the day I die - but I am so sorry, you are all deluded. EVERY man (or woman for that matter) is capable. It just depends how gullible the partner/spouse is to believe their lies.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2021 00:03

@SchrodingersMat

Surely it’s a bit naive to think your partner doesn’t have the opportunity to cheat because they’re always at work or home. Many people cheat with a work colleague, and there’s the opportunity to use sex workers during lunch hours too.
DH works in an office with 4 other people. I don't think he's secretly bi so there's 3 possibilities. Lunch is a set 30 minutes. It's possible, anything is, but I think I'd have more chance on the lottery.
Ohhyeahright · 16/07/2021 00:03

I’m always so saddened by the confidence some women who always appear on these threads have. I can guarantee at least some of these posters who say ‘it’s not in his dna, he’s too honest, I’d be able to tell, he doesn’t have the time’ have absolutely been cheated on.
I’m in a line of work that means I unfortunately have my eyes wide open to just how many people cheat. It is truly staggering. Once you realise, you see how utterly foolish it is to trust 100%.
I’ve lost count of the times in real life I’ve been out with women who’ve confidently (and sometimes smugly) asserted their husbands fidelity. When I know the extent of their prolific cheating. It’s sickening.

CounsellorTroi · 16/07/2021 00:04

Yes 100% sure.

uktrippin · 16/07/2021 00:05

"It's possible, anything is, but I think I'd have more chance on the lottery."

Lol, until he uses that 30 minutes to browse through a sex messaging site like the "rock solid, live together, work together" posters husband did.

IdblowJonSnow · 16/07/2021 00:05

I wouldn't be thst shocked to find out DH had towards the beginning of our relationship. Tbh I wouldn't want to know.
If it was more recent then I'd want to know and he'd be out on his sorry arse!
I hope he wouldnt but agree that many people do cheat and not everyone gets caught!

None of us can 'know' 100% but it's nice to hear so many people are capable of that level of trust.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2021 00:06

@uktrippin

"It's possible, anything is, but I think I'd have more chance on the lottery."

Lol, until he uses that 30 minutes to browse through a sex messaging site like the "rock solid, live together, work together" posters husband did.

Yes internet cheating would be his only option really. He has a 45 minute bus commute too so even more time there
BackforGood · 16/07/2021 00:08

I’m always so saddened by the confidence some women who always appear on these threads have.

To be honest I feel sad that so many people have such low expectations in their lives. That they justify it as "normal" and seem shocked that there are people who wouldn't dream of cheating.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2021 00:09

@Ohhyeahright

I’m always so saddened by the confidence some women who always appear on these threads have. I can guarantee at least some of these posters who say ‘it’s not in his dna, he’s too honest, I’d be able to tell, he doesn’t have the time’ have absolutely been cheated on. I’m in a line of work that means I unfortunately have my eyes wide open to just how many people cheat. It is truly staggering. Once you realise, you see how utterly foolish it is to trust 100%. I’ve lost count of the times in real life I’ve been out with women who’ve confidently (and sometimes smugly) asserted their husbands fidelity. When I know the extent of their prolific cheating. It’s sickening.
Thing is I know I could be wrong already or proven wrong in the future,but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I thought it was a likelihood. Flf don't trust him to not fuck around, why marry and have kids with him?
Slub · 16/07/2021 00:10

Yes

EmeraldShamrock · 16/07/2021 00:12

He has had the opportunity as I have we don't use spyware however he knows it'll be his loss, he loves me and knows full well there would be no going back.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/07/2021 00:13

"He'd never have the time"

Yeah because no one ever booked a day off work to shag their AP. Or said that there was a work do where spouses where not invited. Or invested their emotions via online connections.

Anyone who uses this as their 100% is an idiot.

And No, I would never 100% believe that anyone wouldnt cheat. Me included, I never have but that doesnt mean I never would. I hope I wouldnt but can I guarantee it? No.

Saracen · 16/07/2021 00:13

I think he could cheat in future; I really think most people could.

However, I'm sure he hasn't done it in the past. He can't bear to keep secrets from me. He'd tell me if he had strayed. I don't think he'd make it for more than a week without confessing!

adeleh · 16/07/2021 00:15

100% sure my DH hasn't and also 100% sure my brother hasn't. He absolutely adores my SIL and she adores him. They are a really sweet couple.

DeePlume · 16/07/2021 00:16

I thought ex h would never cheat but he did! Everyone was so so shocked!

PeoplePleasingWayTooMuch · 16/07/2021 00:16

Depends who - my ex, I always suspected he had, even though he never admitted it.

My current partner, yes I'm 100% sure he hasn't so far and I'm 90% sure he never would. He's always gone out of his way to show me how uninterested he is in other girls, and reassure me around them as I was a bit insecure when we got together. He never even looks at anyone else, and whenever anyone tries flirting with him generally grabs me in front of them to show them he's taken and reassure me that he's not paying them any attention. Out of the two of us, I'd be the one that was more tempted and more likely to cheat (I obviously would not do it because it would never be worth the upset it would cause but I'd be the one resisting temptation rather than the other way around).

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 16/07/2021 00:16

For 20 years I was 100%. He didn't have the time, the opportunity or the inclination. He didn't have a particularly high sex drive and he didn't much like people!

The day after we spilt up I found a text from him to a woman. All the previous conversation had been deleted.

He'd had a very bad two years and had been working overseas for the majority of that time. I was then convinced he'd been shagging around.

I tested and got the all clear. I didn't bother talking to him about it because it was already over for different reasons.

Arsehole!

entropynow · 16/07/2021 00:18

@jinglebal

I think it's common but I've never cheated on anyone. Im not aware anyone has cheated on me either.
This
VaggieMight · 16/07/2021 00:18

EVERY man (or woman for that matter) is capable. It just depends how gullible the partner/spouse is to believe their lies.

I'm sorry that you experienced that. Although it sounds a bit odd to have an emotional affair for so long.

Of course everyone is capable. But I've never cheated. Not everyone is in a cheating relationship.

londonscalling · 16/07/2021 00:19

A colleague I once worked with always said that her and her husband had an amazing relationship. They'd never cheat as if they felt they were unhappy then they'd discuss it together before it got to that stage. She then found out he'd been living a double life!

entropynow · 16/07/2021 00:22

@AlfiesMama85

But the question wasn't "could they" but "have they/will they". I mean, DH could go out tomorrow and buy a Jag. He won't, though, and he certaily hasn't so far.