Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

535 replies

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:57

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OP posts:
jinglebal · 15/07/2021 23:11

I think it depends a lot on the conditions and circumstances. I believe a large percentage of people have the potential to cheat if the conditions are right. That includes: boredom, feeling neglected, having your head turned, having a mid-life crisis, whatever the trigger may be.

I agree & humans are selfish & don't necessarily think about consequences when under stress hence why I would never rule it out.

Frustrated1234 · 15/07/2021 23:13

Yup. Been. cheated on by everyone I’ve ever dated. I’m not young either - mid 40s. To my knowledge my OH hasn’t. Given he hardly goes out without me, I doubt he has.

Divebar2021 · 15/07/2021 23:13

I’ve known many men who’ve had affairs or sexual encounters - some are very much typical shaggers and I can’t believe any wife wouldn’t see it. Others are absolute “nice guy” types and I’m sure their wives would swear blind they wouldn’t cheat. They don’t often get caught either. For this reason I would never make statements saying I was 100% confident about my DH even though I’m broadly confident.

IsobelEd · 15/07/2021 23:14

I'm 100% certain that mine hasn't (or at least I would happily bet the house that he hasn't).
I haven't either, in 20+ years.

VaggieMight · 15/07/2021 23:14

What I have observed (very small sample) is that people who are willing to forgive cheating are likely to cheat themselves. I'm taking about a small sample of course.

Peeceandquite · 15/07/2021 23:14

Yep 100% sure mine hasn't, that's not to say he never will but I think it's unlikely. He doesn't have the inclination. If either of us were to cheat it would more likely be me for various reasons, and I'm not planning to either.

My DP is a lot of things, but a cheat isn't one of them

SleepingStandingUp · 15/07/2021 23:15

@amission

Mine wouldn't have the time, energy or inclination! 100% sure he's never cheated
Basically this. Meeting, moving in together, wedding and 3 kids in 10 years. He's too tired for another woman 🤣
OppsUpsSide · 15/07/2021 23:16

I haven’t thought about it before but 2 of my siblings were the AP, one of my siblings cheated on his DW. My BF has cheated on her DH, another friend had an affair. My neighbour left her DH for their builder. My other friend works in HR and has had to deal with a number of work place affairs (due to behaviour on site).
I think it’s more common than people realise because generally you don’t ‘know’.

jinglebal · 15/07/2021 23:16

I'm 100% confident that dh has never cheated and never will.

But how can you know the future? I'm not someone who would likely cheat because all my relationships develop from friendships & I'm not interested in one night stands etc. However I have no idea how life hurdles such as job loss, ill health, bereavement etc might affect me & how I will navigate that.

Original poster
zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 23:17

@Toottootdrivers

Absolutely 100% sure. It's just not in his character at all. Not all men cheat.
I never said all men cheat. I actually also used females in my examples.
OP posts:
Peeceandquite · 15/07/2021 23:19

I remember a post a year or so ago on here that summed it up for me. It was something along the lines of being realistic about your partner and what they might do. For example my DP would be more likely to gamble a lot or do a line of coke than cheat on me. He doesn't do those things either now, but they are more likely than him cheating.

OppsUpsSide · 15/07/2021 23:19

I’ve actually thought of more examples since I posted, jeesh yes it’s rife!

Comedycook · 15/07/2021 23:21

I used to work in a big firm in the city. Virtually every man in the office was shagging around including the ones you'd never suspect and played the role of a loving family man. Do I trust my dh 100%...hell no. I mean it doesn't keep me awake at night but you're mad if you think it will never happen to you

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/07/2021 23:22

Yeah. 100%.
Am I 100% sure it will never happen? No. No one can be. Weird shit happens in life.

amission · 15/07/2021 23:24

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Yeah. 100%. Am I 100% sure it will never happen? No. No one can be. Weird shit happens in life.
I'm 100 % sure he has never and will never cheat on me. It's just not in his DNA.
paimio · 15/07/2021 23:25

DP and I cheated on our exes and have been together since. I do think cheating is more common than most people realise. I don’t think DP has cheated on me, but I also don’t think I’d be in a position to complain if he did. (I would leave him though).

Justgettingbye · 15/07/2021 23:26

I was certain mine never would.
Then he did.
Now I struggle to trust.

nokidshere · 15/07/2021 23:26

I would never cheat, whatever the circumstances, ever.

I'm as certain as I can be that my DH of over 40yrs hasn't either but of course there's no way of knowing for sure.

jinglebal · 15/07/2021 23:27

I agree that it's not always obvious who will do it too.
A colleague & friend is very attractive & enjoys flirting, appreciates female attention, seems like a player etc but I know he was offered no strings sex by a gorgeous woman & he turned it down. Whereas my friend is divorcing Mr nice & sensible guy as he was cheating. Years ago one of my bosses who I admired for being so professional, "grown up", working mother etc confessed she was having wild sex with a former flame, I nearly chocked on my bagel!

jinglebal · 15/07/2021 23:28

It's just not in his DNA.

Is it anyone's or is it just circumstances?

notangelinajolie · 15/07/2021 23:28

100% know he hasn't. If he did I'd notice - there is never a time when we are not together. We are one of mumsnet's much maligned married couples who are permanently joined at the hip.

rainsometimes · 15/07/2021 23:28

I don't think my dh has and I just live happily hoping if he ever did or does! id find out sooner rather than later!

amission · 15/07/2021 23:29

@jinglebal

It's just not in his DNA.

Is it anyone's or is it just circumstances?

That's just a turn of phrase no need to read anything deeper into it.
Kentuki · 15/07/2021 23:31

100% sure. I was going to caveat at first, saying of course you can’t be 100% about anything not related to the laws of physics but actually that’s being massively unfair to my lovely husband. He hadn’t cheated and never would. 100% sure.

jinglebal · 15/07/2021 23:31

That's just a turn of phrase no need to read anything deeper into it.

I'm not reading anything deep into just taking it on face value. I don't think most cheaters cheat because of their personality.