Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 21 22

Original poster

To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

535 replies

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:57

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OP posts:

LimeRedBanana · 16/07/2021 01:59

I trust DH and feel as certain as I can that he hasn’t cheated and wouldn’t cheat. We have a loving relationship. We like each other as well as love each other.

Can I categorically say he would never cheat? No, because nobody can say that about anyone, inasmuch as no-one can predict another person’s actions. But I don’t believe he has or would, so that enables me to live a content life, with the possibility of him cheating not being even the slightest bit of a worry.

I cheated on my ex. I’ve also been the OW, briefly in my misspent youth - not something I’m in the slightest bit happy to admit.

But I have never, nor would ever, cheat on DH. There’s absolutely zero chance of that ever happening.

So maybe it just depends on the people in the relationship, and the relationship itself.

Rathmobhaile · 16/07/2021 02:09

I'm very very sure he hasn't and wouldn't cheat. I've seen women flirt with him and he's oblivious to it - always has been even when it was me at the start of our relationship 34 years ago. I had to literally tell him I fancied him. He's still rubbish at reading people's body language so unless someone outright propositioned him he wouldn't engage.

He hides nothing. No phone passwords, no laptop passwords. No post. Everything is open. There's no secret spending - he accounts for everything from his payslip. He's not justifying spending to me - he just tends to show me so we both know what bills have been paid etc.

He has such a strong moral code it's a bit of a family joke. Doesn't lie and strongly believes in doing the right thing morally. It's very important to him in all aspects of his life. So if he were to cheat he would struggle with that for that reason alone.

He does have other faults - can be grumpy, can be bossy but isn't - and has never been - deceitful or dishonest.

So - I'm as sure as I can be that he's not a cheater.

I can say for myself that I would never cheat. I've had the offer - I could never see myself doing it.

1forAll74 · 16/07/2021 02:10

Everywhere I have ever lived,and worked, I have known many partners who have cheated, and some that you would least expect to.

Oblomov21 · 16/07/2021 02:13

Pretty silly statement / view really.

I'm pretty sure Dh no. He has very strong beliefs and morals on this matter. As do I.

"But I also believe you can never fully know a person 100% either."

Possibly. But I do know me 100%. And I can categorically guarantee that I never have, nor never will. Because I feel so strongly about it.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/07/2021 02:14

I'd never be naive enough to say he'd never, he could fall in love or meet someone very attractive in every way. I'm confident he hasn't to date nor have I.
We usually socialise with mixed friends or family on the rare occasion we do go out.
I'm sure he flirts though not as flirty as me.

TomPinch · 16/07/2021 02:19

@PyongyangKipperbang

Random thought that just popped into my head....

Perhaps being 100% sure that someone would never cheat on you is part of what makes you take the other person for granted. Not being valued may lead a person to cheat, so perhaps not neccessarily taking for granted that they will never cheat on you, so you put the effort in rather than sitting back and coasting, may actually make it less likely that they will cheat.

Obviously not talking about the serial cheaters but the "out of the blue, they have fallen for someone else" situations.

I am not sure that this theory stands up but its a thought.

I can see the logic, but it seems to be contradicted by the fact that over 80% of married people never cheat, according to the statistics. It's in marriage that you'd expect people to be most complacent.

OhRene · 16/07/2021 02:36

It's not possible mine could have ever done that. We're that creepy couple who hobby together, shop together and everything. My sister is horrified at the thought. "Do you not get absolutely sick of him?! Don't you just wanna get the grocery shop done in peace?"

Nope. I like my DH and he likes me. We enjoy being together.

TreeSmuggler · 16/07/2021 03:09

Mine wouldn't but that's not necessarily for good reasons. He never leaves the house, except for work and we work together. He exercises at home too. He doesn't have friends and doesn't go out. He has always had a low sex drive. I am so flipping bored by him at this point, I'd almost take a cheater with some energy/zest for life left in him over my DH.

KohlaParasanda · 16/07/2021 03:15

It's not impossible. He can be secretive, and he has opportunities. But nothing about his behaviour has ever suggested he might be cheating and I'm as sure as anyone can be that he hasn't.

nokidshere · 16/07/2021 04:00

nd No, I would never 100% believe that anyone wouldnt cheat. Me included, I never have but that doesnt mean I never would. I hope I wouldnt but can I guarantee it? No.

Of course you can. I get that you can never be sure about another person but you can absolutely guarantee that you won't cheat because that's within your control

AddsVsGeorgs · 16/07/2021 04:30

I think i can honestly say my fiancee hasnt cheated
But my ex, more than likely did!

Jent13c · 16/07/2021 04:42

I would be utterly gobsmacked if DH cheated, he is very much a family guy, incredibly introverted, he is now at work but we speak constantly throughout the day and then we are together most of the time out of work. I would have more time but always with the kids. Neither are in any way flirty. He is incredibly honest and values family and likes home comforts.

However I think we are doing ourselves a disservice believing there are 'cheaters' and 'non cheaters'. I wouldn't imagine its quite like how its portrayed on TV where its some powerful big guy cheater with all the young office girls. I think everyone is capable of being a bit insecure in their marriage especially when other spouse is busy with kids and perhaps sex is less frequent. Affairs often start with poor boundaries in external relationships, then perhaps the texts/lunchtime chats start tipping the edge into emotional affair territory and then all of a sudden the DP who would 100% never cheat is in a situation you would never imagine. No one is immune from cheating because it doesn't start with cheating...its a slippery slope.

Cloudninenine · 16/07/2021 07:01

I’m as confident as I’ve ever been of anything in my life that mine hasn’t. It just absolutely isn’t in his nature.

I’d also be astonished if any of the men I’m close to (dad, brother, brothers in law, father in law etc) had. They are all so absolutely decent that it’s simply impossible to imagine.

Peace43 · 16/07/2021 07:06

Yep, was with my ex husband 14 years and am totally convinced he never cheated.

SameToo · 16/07/2021 07:11

I’m 100% sure he would never cheat. I still worry about it because I’m insecure and human but i can’t see it happening.

jinglebal · 16/07/2021 07:21

No one is immune from cheating because it doesn't start with cheating...its a slippery slope.

I agree with this. My friend & her husband went through some pretty traumatic personal stuff which impacted them both & left them both feeling insecure. His coping mechanism was an emotional affair which lead to a physical one.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 16/07/2021 07:21

My ex cheated several times and I always had an uneasy feeling that he would given the opportunity.

I believe 100% that my now DH hasn’t and I believe 99% that he wouldn’t but things can change! All I can do is trust him and have faith in us.

Lulu1919 · 16/07/2021 07:22

Yes I know 100% he hasn't

KeepSmiling89 · 16/07/2021 07:26

I'm 100% sure he wouldn't...mostly because he's had it done to him in the past and knows how shitty it feels.
He admitted he had feelings for me when we were both in other relationships, but he never did anything about it because we were in other relationships.

noblegreenk · 16/07/2021 07:27

I don't think dh has but you can never know for certain. I think anyone could potentially cheat of the circumstances are right for it. I have a married friend from school who is incredibly loyal and the one person I'd have least expected to cheat. One night she got very drunk and had a one night stand. I think she was more shocked about it than me and she'd never have done it sober! This was nearly ten years ago, her dh never found out but I know she's never forgiven herself. She barely drinks nowadays because of the incident as she knows this would never have happened sober.

3WildOnes · 16/07/2021 07:41

I have never cheated on my husband but did cheat in a previous relationship. Both of my best friends have cheated on their husbands, one a one time drunken shag, the other has had two brief affairs. I would be surprised if my husband had an affair I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if I found out there had been a drunken snog or shag at some point in our relationship.

Worldwide2 · 16/07/2021 07:45

I dont think you can speak for someone else 100% ever. I trust him and believe he woudnt but I can't say 100% no one can.
I think sometimes with men it's opportunity vs looking for it. Some men aren't looking but if something comes their way it just inflates their ego so much they go for it. Then you have serial cheaters who actively look for it. That's my take on it anyway.

Sn0tnose · 16/07/2021 07:45

I don’t know for a fact that he hasn’t, but I trust him and firmly believe that he hasn’t, which is as much as anyone can do.

I certainly couldn’t say the same for a couple of previous partners.

AlternativePerspective · 16/07/2021 07:45

everyone has it in them to cheat in the right circumstances.

That doesn’t mean that everyone does, obviously, but everyone is capable.

And IME it is usually the people who say “I would never cheat” or “he would never cheat” who do. Because those people are so assured that they would spot the signs and walk away before it happens that often it’s upon them before they realise and by then it’s already too late.

personally I know far more women who have cheated than men. But for some reason people seem to focus on the fact that men do it, meaning women get away with it more often. But actually statistically the numbers of men and women who cheat are pretty equal.

ClareBlue · 16/07/2021 07:55

@PyongyangKipperbang

Random thought that just popped into my head....

Obviously not talking about the serial cheaters but the "out of the blue, they have fallen for someone else" situations.

I am not sure that this theory stands up but its a thought.

I sort of think the same. I wouldn't want my partner to cheat on me but I can see that someone else would find them attractive and I certainly don't think they would never find someone else attractive. Trust can be broken in all sorts of ways and for all sorts of reasons. I would say I haven't been cheated on and I think it is unlikely for the future, but I think it is taking your partner for granted if you say you are 100 percent sure they never will. As PP are saying you can not be complacent as the most unexpected people cheat.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 21 22