To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

[zaraaraz]

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

I'm sure mine hasn't. He rarely goes anywhere and he was a SAHD for most of my children's childhood.The only place he goes without me is to watch cricket but I know that's not a smokescreen because he's obsessed with it and I get a ball by ball commentary on what happened.

@Strokethefurrywall

I don’t believe 100% that my husband would cheat, anymore than I believe that I wouldn’t cheat. We’re human, with human flaws. I’d like to believe he wouldn’t and hasn’t cheated, but anything can happen at any time, to either of us. For what it’s worth, I’ve never cheated in any of my relationships, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune, and neither is he.

We’ve been married 11 years, are fully committed to each other and our family, but I’d be naive to believe that heads can turn on a dime.

But in marriages where one or both people “check out”, there is always scope for another to creep in.

I just don't understand how you can see that you can't be sure that you would never cheat.

Do you not think cheating is wrong? Do you not think you have total control over whether you have sex with someone other than your partner?

Heads don't turn on a dime. I am absolutely sick of posters making the most pathetic of excuses for cheating.

If one or both people "check out" then for goodness sake do the decent thing and end the relationship.

In over 40 years neither me or my DH have "checked out". We are still very much in love, still really like being together and not the slightest, tiniest bit interested in anyone else. The very thought of sex with another man makes me feel sick

@goose1964

I'm sure mine hasn't. He rarely goes anywhere and he was a SAHD for most of my children's childhood.The only place he goes without me is to watch cricket but I know that's not a smokescreen because he's obsessed with it and I get a ball by ball commentary on what happened.

You're on a good firm wicket! There's no better prophylactic than cricket!

Err yes I do believe that cheating is wrong. Which is why I’ve never done it. I’ve always ended relationships before embarking on anything new with anyone else.
But in a realistic life, whilst I may be close to 100% sure that I’d never cheat (because I love my husband, our family and I don’t like shit messy), who is to say what might happen.

Would I be devastated if he cheated? Absolutely, just the same as he would be if I did. When I made my vows, I meant them.

But you can never, ever 100% know someone else or what they’re thinking.
I also don’t believe “once a cheater, always a cheater” nonsense. I think everyone has the capacity to do something that hurts the one they love, be it a drunken kiss to a full blown affair, depending on the circumstances at the time.

Of course wrong. But I choose to be married and I choose to be with my husband every day. It’s not something I signed up for and thought “to hell with working on this, I’m locked in for life anyway so all is roses.”

It’s perfectly fine to believe you/your husband would 100% never cheat, and to expect that. But its also fine to understand shades of grey, human flaws and life changes that might contradict that.

@thepeopleversuswork

Never said stupid! just not a smart way to live

I agree it is nothing to do with intelligence but why can't I believe my husband won't cheat? I mean even if there was a 50/50 chance still can mean he won't cheat?

I have built my life around it as we are married with children and a mortgage I would not do that if I thought he would cheat on me what would be the point? And like I already said yes he may decide to leave me for someone else but he would not cheat on me just like I would not cheat on him if I was to fall for someone else I would not act on it until I had ended marriage but im very happily married so can't see that happening

Maybe I should have thrown in some full stops

100%. Then again we are together 24/7!

[quote Greenrubber]@thepeopleversuswork

Never said stupid! just not a smart way to live

I agree it is nothing to do with intelligence but why can't I believe my husband won't cheat? I mean even if there was a 50/50 chance still can mean he won't cheat?

I have built my life around it as we are married with children and a mortgage I would not do that if I thought he would cheat on me what would be the point? And like I already said yes he may decide to leave me for someone else but he would not cheat on me just like I would not cheat on him if I was to fall for someone else I would not act on it until I had ended marriage but im very happily married so can't see that happening[/quote]
Exactly.

There are situations in which I would leave. There are no situations in which I would cheat.

I wonder if the confidence to say so comes from the fact that it would be pretty straightforward to leave -- I have my own career, my own assets, and plenty of support with the DC. I'm not financially or practically beholden to him in any way; life would change but it would go on if I left.

@gwenneh

It just seems so silly doesn't it! To think the worst of someone especially someone your supposed to trust

100% sure he hasn't.

@Strokethefurrywall

Err yes I do believe that cheating is wrong. Which is why I’ve never done it. I’ve always ended relationships before embarking on anything new with anyone else. But in a realistic life, whilst I may be close to 100% sure that I’d never cheat (because I love my husband, our family and I don’t like shit messy), who is to say what might happen.

Would I be devastated if he cheated? Absolutely, just the same as he would be if I did. When I made my vows, I meant them.

But you can never, ever 100% know someone else or what they’re thinking.
I also don’t believe “once a cheater, always a cheater” nonsense. I think everyone has the capacity to do something that hurts the one they love, be it a drunken kiss to a full blown affair, depending on the circumstances at the time.

Of course wrong. But I choose to be married and I choose to be with my husband every day. It’s not something I signed up for and thought “to hell with working on this, I’m locked in for life anyway so all is roses.”

It’s perfectly fine to believe you/your husband would 100% never cheat, and to expect that. But its also fine to understand shades of grey, human flaws and life changes that might contradict that.

But why are you not 100% sure you would not cheat? Even if you don't think you can know that about someone else surely you can know that about yourself?

What do you honestly think could happen that would make cheating ok for you?

I wouldn't cheat not only because I love my DH but because I respect him and you don't do that to someone you love and respect. I would never hurt him like that. BUT I also would never cheat because I think cheating is totally utterly wrong and despicable. I have more respect for myself than that.

If someone can't be sure they won't treat then I can understand they can't possibly understand how some people can be certain their OH's won't

So if I said I was 99% sure I’d never cheat, would that make you feel better or do you need me to justify the final 1%?

There has never been another man that has made me go weak at the knees like my husband.
There has never been another man that I’ve ever wanted to spend and create another life with. There has never been another man that makes me laugh like he does.
There has never been another man that I’d want to go to sleep with or wake up next to.
There has never been another man that I’ve wanted to have sex with.

Does that help or do we need a one-on-one counseling session?

Your either sure or your not sure! I don't think the % is that important 😜

I think it comes across on this thread that if you think you are sure then you are wrong and you will ultimately be proven to be wrong
But I don't think that's what people actually mean they mean anything could happen

At the same time I think this thread was more do you trust your partner or do you have doubts

But that's just my view

@goose1964 it all goes on at the cricket club I'm involved with, it's anything but tame! I am only half joking really, it's only the after hours that's crazy, too many private school 'boys' who have never grown up!

@Strokethefurrywall

So if I said I was 99% sure I’d never cheat, would that make you feel better or do you need me to justify the final 1%?

There has never been another man that has made me go weak at the knees like my husband.
There has never been another man that I’ve ever wanted to spend and create another life with. There has never been another man that makes me laugh like he does.
There has never been another man that I’d want to go to sleep with or wake up next to.
There has never been another man that I’ve wanted to have sex with.

Does that help or do we need a one-on-one counseling session?

I don't need to feel better. Just can't understand how people can say they can't be certain they won't cheat.

You either thinking cheating is wrong or you don't. If you think it is wrong you don't cheat. Pretty simple really

So lynsey91 you've never done anything contrary to your morals, I'm not talking about cheating but in other aspects of your life. You've never done anything, ever, that on reflection you weren't happy with?

@OneTC

I also don't believe in cheating either and the only way I think I would be vulnerable to it would by being totally pissed where I'm completely out of it

So I choose not to put myself in that situation

Easy

Green rubber that's a very different outlook to 100% certainty

In fact it's a total admission of uncertainty

@OneTC

no it's not don't be daft

It's saying if I was to do something like that I would certainly not be myself and the only way I would ever be like that is a position I wouldn't put myself in!

Unless your also saying I can't be 100% I wouldn't get rediculously drunk?

Again 100% I wouldn't I also don't take drugs
And just to cover any bases if say I was spiked then that would be rape not cheating

I have morals just because you don't or you don't think your partner does is your problem!
Why can't you just accept that soem people wouldn't cheat?

No but it says you take measures against something that you're 100% sure you won't do anyway

Also so many women (like me) think they know their husband inside out. Their morals their values. For instance they would never screw them or their kids over when they split oh no they would be very fair and amicable. Only to see this person they knew and loved for so long to turn into this complete stranger

Getting totally pissed is just so thing I don't do
I don't enjoy being drunk and I hate hangovers more
And even if I was out of it who's to say I would want to cheat anyway I'm just thinking of something that would make me not myself

Anyways would saying no to an advance not be a measure against cheating?

I believe my husband hasn't cheated on me he isn't very sociable anyway and just don't think he would.

fwiw I trust my partner 100% or as much as I need to anyway for a happy life. I have faith in her but the point of faith is that it isn't knowledge, it isn't certainty

Onetc
I'm glad as I would feel really sorry for you to be in a relationship without any trust!

A few people on this thread might be shocked if one day they are proven wrong but that's it!

Not everyone cheats and you have to belive in your relationship otherwise what's the point